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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a spark at work

21 replies

Tar19891 · 04/04/2022 19:39

I’ve been happily married for 12 years and love my DH and our DD dearly. I won’t act on this but I wanted to tell somebody and I can’t share with anyone in real life.

I have developed a big spark with someone at work. We have such a lot in common and I feel both comfortable and uncomfortable in their company and sometimes I have butterflies when I am with them. They are immeasurably kind and intelligent and I have a significant connection with them. How do I get rid of this crush when I am with them daily?

OP posts:

SergeiL · 04/04/2022 19:43

I am not sure. I married my ‘spark at work’…

I read your title as ‘spank at work’ though!

In all seriousness, my view is that a ‘spark’ only becomes an issue if there is a problem in the original relationship. There was in mine but it doesn’t sound like there is in yours?

Original poster

Tar19891 · 04/04/2022 19:46

A spank at work would definitely be a different title!

OP posts:

Rachelw84 · 04/04/2022 20:01

Do you feel this other person has the same ‘spark’ as you?

Do you look forward to speaking to them whenever you see them?

Toponeniceone · 04/04/2022 20:04

Just enjoy it as pure fantasy.

prettyLittlefool · 04/04/2022 20:05

I'm guessing by the fact you've said 'they/them' throughout that it's a woman. Is that the bigger issue ?

Beautifulmonster87 · 04/04/2022 20:07

Hmm it’s a hard one.
I also read as spank first 😆 some kind of Freudian thing?!

Anyway… if you’re 100% happy with your partner and he fulfils you, don’t risk what you’ve got. I can imagine it’s hard when you work with this person but make it clear you’re married and it can’t go anywhere.

HardRockOwl · 04/04/2022 20:07

So it's a woman I take it? You gender yourself by saying you have a husband and child and then use 'they' ...

Although you could be a man I suppose.

Regardless, just steer clear. Although I take it that if it's a woman she isn't gay?

LuluBlakey1 · 04/04/2022 20:11

I thought it was a vulgar expression for having a cigarette at work. I clicked to see if you had been picked on by Mnet velociraptors for having a sly cigarette at work, breaking the law, damaging your health, having a filthy habit and being so unthinking about others.

I have no advice about the type of spark you are talking about.

Original poster

Tar19891 · 04/04/2022 20:13

Good detective work mumsnet. Yes it is a woman. She is straight as far as I know and has a boyfriend. I don’t intend to do anything about it.

Has anyone else felt like this?

OP posts:

crazeekat · 04/04/2022 20:15

Enjoy it for what it is, a wee fantasy, I have also had small crushes on work colleagues who I really jell with at work, especially when they are kind and intelligent too, would never act on it and if u keep it as the harmless fantasy that is in your head, then no harm in my opinion

Original poster

Tar19891 · 04/04/2022 20:17

Thank you @crazeekat best kept as it is. I’ve not felt this attraction to a woman before so that is what is confusing me.

OP posts:

Allsorts1 · 04/04/2022 20:19

Just enjoy the fantasy and distract yourself from thinking too deeply about it, the same way you’d hope your husband would react if he felt a connection to someone at work. This is a great podcast podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/4-things-that-are-not-love-and-4-ways-to-know-you/id1450994021?i=1000553687570

Rachelw84 · 04/04/2022 20:20

@Tar19891

Good detective work mumsnet. Yes it is a woman. She is straight as far as I know and has a boyfriend. I don’t intend to do anything about it.

Has anyone else felt like this?

Would you describe as an admiration or an attraction?

I’m straight but have had crushes on female colleagues at work although I was in a deeply unhappy relationship at the time which may have led me to seeking companionship

Allsorts1 · 04/04/2022 20:21

And yes I’ve felt like that! I often get work crushes and just try to channel the extra energy into doing well at my work (as it’s suddenly more interesting because I’m trying to impress my crush). Just let them simmer without much thought and they’ll usually pass just like crushes at school!

Original poster

Tar19891 · 04/04/2022 20:41

@Rachelw84 It is attraction and admiration. I admire her and also find her attractive. I have always considered myself to be straight.

OP posts:

Rachelw84 · 04/04/2022 20:51

@Tar19891 sounds similar to my situation! You find yourself wanting to speak to them, make a reason to stop by etc - I didn’t know what was happening and it takes you completely by surprise

If you’re happily married then I’m sure it will pass but it’s a nice feeling do you think any of your feelings are reciprocated? Or does it feel like the attraction is one way?

ExplodingElephants · 05/04/2022 06:49

I read spank too!

phishy · 05/04/2022 06:56

To have a spark at work

I think so, yes. How do you even get into this territory with a man or woman when you love your partner?

JanetLanesDaughter · 05/04/2022 07:00

This happened to me. I was married, became quite infatuated with a woman at work. Giant crush for a couple of years till she left.

It changed me, opened my eyes and I left my husband (no need to feel sorry for him, but that's another story), about 6 months later.

I met my wife shortly after and it's the best life I could have imagined.

Joystir59 · 05/04/2022 07:35

@Tar19891 you could be at the start of a coming out process. Speaking from experience it can take a long time for feelings of same sex attraction to awaken.

Joystir59 · 05/04/2022 07:38

I would say that if you are sexually attracted to your own sex you clearly aren't straight, but either bisexual (attracted to both sexes) or lesbian (attracted only to your own sex).

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