To want to become a mum, just not now

[Confusednonmum]

Took three pregnancy tests today, both negative.

I am 30, have been with my partner for a couple of years, got a (rented) house and a pet and everything has been very smooth sailing. We are not using contraception although not actively trying to conceive, but I am open to becoming a mum if it happens. I do have PCOS, so fertility has been an issue in my brain for a while.

I haven't been feeling my greatest in a while, so got some pregnancy tests in the mail today. I took three, where one of them were positive, two negative.

And, now I am crying, and have been crying all afternoon. I don't know what to do, as I feel that we should be actively trying to conceive as it might be hard to become pregnant, even if I don't feel like having a child right this second. I for some reason have a strong aversion against assisted conception, as it just doesn't feel as "authentic" as a normal conception (no shame for the people who use it, the thought of having to go through that process just overwhelms and scares me). My partner is understanding, although he feels that I am unreasonable for crying over a pregnancy that we didn't even want in the near future.

Can anyone relate to my feelings, or am I unreasonable?

Took three pregnancy tests today, two out of three negative. *

You arnt unreasonable at all, whichever way you feel about it. Did you want it to be positive or negative though? Was the first one the positive one?

A positive is a positive. What brand were they all? It could be the other two weren’t as sensitive.

I don't understand. I think you probably are pregnant? Are you crying because you don't want to be or because you think you aren't but want to be?

If in doubt, do another test first thing in the morning to get the highest concentration.

if you have PCOS and an aversion to fertility assistance in future I honestly wouldn't terminate now. Or at very very least make your peace with possibly needing IUI/IVF down the line

I think having a aversion to fertility treatment due to the process, and thinking it is not "authentic", are very different thoughts.

@Teaberry

I think having a aversion to fertility treatment due to the process, and thinking it is not "authentic", are very different thoughts.

Yes, this is what I meant. English is not my first language and just translated my thoughts directly without thinking of the wording :)

Thanks everyone, I have calmed down a bit now. I will take another test tomorrow morning, just to be sure.

Wrote the post a bit too quickly, but thanks for the advice anyway!

Hope it all works out ok

@Teaberry

I think having a aversion to fertility treatment due to the process, and thinking it is not "authentic", are very different thoughts.

I agree. What do you actually mean here? Are you scared of the process or you don’t think it’s ‘authentic’?

If you aren’t using contraception while having regular sex then you are trying to conceive! That’s how it works.
I can understand it’s a shock if you think you might need a lot of help and it happens naturally but the fact that you weren’t using contraception because you are “open to becoming a Mum” means that if you are pregnant (you probably are) then that’s good news.
Congratulations

What tests are you using, how long has it been since you likely conceived. Attempting to get pregnant can be very stressful especially as it's usually quite lonely and there aren't people you can really share the ups and downs of that with emotionally.

Do retest tomorrow. Best wishes

I think if you are having sex without contraception then you should be more than ‘open to the idea of becoming a mum’.