AIBu to think he likes me?

[Honeymustardcondiments]

There’s a gorgeous lovely man at work. I don’t work directly with him but our paths do cross on a fairly regular basis. We’re both single.

He will always stop and chat with me, but unless it’s work related he doesn’t just come to find me. We ended up texting about a situation that was happening at work. I made the first move with this as it was me who needed the information iyswim. He always texts back very quickly and started being quite funny in text. He also will wink across the room at me when we catch each other’s eye in a meeting. I didn’t know where his office was when I started in the job and he was encouraging me to go and see it and commented I was always welcome to come by.

AIBU to think he’s being flirty but is shy? Or do I write it off as nothing and continue to admire from afar? I don’t know whether to send him a friendly text? I don’t want to look like I’m needy and annoy him and always feel like I’m making the first move.

Help me mumsnetters please!!

Shameless bump

Sounds like he's might like you yeah, why not ask him out for lunch for a start, it's not a date as such but it's moving into that territory, gives you more of a chance to suss him out a bit

No I wouldn't make a move if I was you in that situation. It's been my experience that if men are interested they'll clearly let you know. He hasn't clearly let you know.

Honestly, from the information you have given here there’s not much to go on. He might like you or he might just be friendly and a bit flirty. It sounds like virtually all of the interactions you have had have been work related. Could you try to start chatting with him about non work related stuff and see how it goes.

@MistyFrequencies

No I wouldn't make a move if I was you in that situation. It's been my experience that if men are interested they'll clearly let you know. He hasn't clearly let you know.

I always think this but when I say it here I get everything thrown at me!

He’s quite quiet and when I have asked him about outside of work he does say a bit but not a lot. I don’t know if that’s just his manner or not…

@Honeymustardcondiments

He’s quite quiet and when I have asked him about outside of work he does say a bit but not a lot. I don’t know if that’s just his manner or not…

How do you know he's single? Has that actually come up in conversation?

He mentioned it once and he only refers to “I” rather than “we” when he references anything in his personal life

@Honeymustardcondiments

He mentioned it once and he only refers to “I” rather than “we” when he references anything in his personal life

him saying I rather than we doesn't necessarily mean he's single but he actually said that he was once?

Yes he mentioned it

Unless there is more I can’t see how you can take he likes you from your interaction so far. You have asked him about outside of work so he has had the opportunity to take it further but not done so nor would I assume he is single just by him using i instead of we. He could just be keeping his private life private as you are more acquaintances and work colleagues than friends.

Cross posted if he has said he is single but he still hasn’t taken it furture than just office chat even when you have given him the opportunity by taking about life outside of work.
I have found if someone is interested and available they will let you know it.

I personally would just text him. But then I don’t get shy or coy, if he blanked me or didn’t seem interested that’s fine. Cba with all this men will always make the first move. Im not saying come on strong, but a text? Don’t see the issue.

I still think ask him out for lunch, that's not exactly asking him out on a date so it's not that awkward if he's not interested

I tend to think the man who fancies you desperately but is too shy to say so exists only in books called 'The Cosy Cupcake Cafe By The Sea' - but no harm in you making a move as long as you can live with the possibility of rejection.

I don't find it to be true that men will always let you know if they're interested. After all i totally married one. It is a bit much to go with any kind of all (group) exhibit these behaviours, unless you are grouping by a behaviour to start with!

@Mangogogogo

I personally would just text him. But then I don’t get shy or coy, if he blanked me or didn’t seem interested that’s fine. Cba with all this men will always make the first move. Im not saying come on strong, but a text? Don’t see the issue.

^ Yep - he may also be concerned about getting into trouble for inappropriate conduct - for every "men will make the first move" there's a "creepy man at work sent me a text errghhh".

@Antarcticant

I tend to think the man who fancies you desperately but is too shy to say so exists only in books called 'The Cosy Cupcake Cafe By The Sea' - but no harm in you making a move as long as you can live with the possibility of rejection.

I tend to think the man who fancies you desperately but is too shy to say so exists only in books called 'The Cosy Cupcake Cafe By The Sea' No this is bollocks - they do exist. Why do Women have to be the only ones potentially afraid of rejection?

@MistyFrequencies

No I wouldn't make a move if I was you in that situation. It's been my experience that if men are interested they'll clearly let you know. He hasn't clearly let you know.

I tend to agree with this. He might just be friendly, a bit flirty by nature. He hasn’t expanded on any openings he’s had with you. Even shy men will generally take the bait and I’m sure you’ve been approachable. There’s nothing to suggest he’s especially interested in you. Sorry to be blunt. I could be entirely wrong of course having no idea about this chap.

I think he’d ask you out if he was interested.

From previous experience I never date men I work with, don’t shit on your own doorstep!

@MistyFrequencies

No I wouldn't make a move if I was you in that situation. It's been my experience that if men are interested they'll clearly let you know. He hasn't clearly let you know.

I agree

It could be that he’s somewhat interested but wouldn’t make a move cause you work together too

I do think (and in fact, know) there are men who are too shy, self-conscious, fearful of rejection to approach a woman they are interested in to take things further.
Thing is…do you want a fearful, reluctant boyfriend? Like I said before, even shy men will generally respond to and act on a good-natured flirty exchange. Even shy men know to keep the text banter going if he wants to create more intimacy. Those who would be too afraid to enter into that would be no use to me. Like getting blood out of a stone. No thanks. I want someone dynamic and capable. Shy and/or quiet is fine, fearful and reluctant is not. There’s no obligation for women to winkle a potential prospect out of his armour.

@Antarcticant

I tend to think the man who fancies you desperately but is too shy to say so exists only in books called 'The Cosy Cupcake Cafe By The Sea' - but no harm in you making a move as long as you can live with the possibility of rejection.

You think shy men don't exist?

You think shy men don't exist?

In my experience, given the slightest encouragements, even shy men quickly come forward if they fancy someone.