Abusive dad, any advice please

[Longsummernights]

I’ve got a family member (my dad) who has a past of being very violent and aggressive. By that I mean physical violence, stalking, threats to attack us, harassment. We previously had a panic button in the house but I don’t know all the details (I was a child at the time). As far as I know he was never charged with anything he did to us but I’ve never actually had the honest truth about what went on, my mum has mental health problems and I’ve never been able to get a straight answer to any questions.

He’s left us alone for a long time now (around 7 years) and has been in trouble by the police for harassment. I’m as confident as can be that he is leaving us alone for good now thankfully and even though he lives nearby, he doesn’t cause us any trouble anymore and according to my mum (she still looks at his social media sometimes) he’s moved on to another new partner (whom I feel so sorry for) but what I’m trying to explain (very badly) is that he isn’t interested in causing us any trouble anymore and knows if he ever comes near us or starts any trouble, the police will take it much further.

But I still feel so worried I’m an adult now and want to live my life without worrying about him. I’ve asked at the police station if I could get some sort of restraining order but they said no because my mum never pressed charges when he was violent to us, and also there’s been a long length of time without us having any problems from him. They said I’m safe now and not to worry because he knows the police know what he’s like and also he’s moved on with his life now and doesn’t care enough about us to spend time giving us trouble. But people like him are so unpredictable and I’m terrified one day he will start causing us trouble again.

Everytime I see something on the news about domestic violence I get a horrible thought that one day my dad will decide to start his shit again. I haven’t had any contact from him in 7+ years so I don’t even know if he gives a shit about me or would recognise me but I know he used to hate me and my mum.

I don’t want to keep looking over my shoulder and worrying about being a statistic one day

Sorry this isn’t really question or AIBU. I just wondered if anyone else has been in this situation I wish I could get a restraining order just for extra peace of mind, although I suppose even a bit of paper won’t deter someone like that if he does decide he wants to cause trouble again

X

It sounds incredibly stressful; have you had any therapy or counselling to talk through how you feel? It might help

I know this is an old post but just want to say that I understand, am going through the same thing and feel the exact same in terms of living in fear.
I went no contact almost 2 yrs ago with my father. He has been harrasing my mother and was harrasing me too until I blocked him. Anyway there has been an incident at my mother's recently and police were called its off the back of him finding out I got married. I have 2 very small children and he knows where I live. He is also turning my mentally fragile brother against me who is now also threatening me. I love where I leave but feel like I want to move as he knows where I live. I just can't believe we can't get restraining orders. I just know he's not going to forget me, he is unhinged and also an alcoholic so I fear what he might do. You're not alone. Did you manage to get anymore advice or counselling? I just don't know where to start..