Aibu to take some more days off (TW miscarriage)

[ifyouturnonthelight]

I had a miscarriage on Tuesday night, 2 days into my brand new job. I have to call every single day I'm off but I didn't have anyones number, so I emailed the person I thought I should email.

Anyway, I got a really passive aggressive email from the head of department saying I need to ring in every single day and that I should try and be back on Monday at the latest.

I didn't reply and i have told someone I didn't intend to come back until Monday because I was 16 weeks pregnant and I needed an operation, I've had it but I'm still bleeding and I feel bereft.

I'm entitled to 5 days of fully paid sick leave a year and it's unfortunate it's happened 2 days into my brand new job but aibu to take until at least Wednesday?

I just don't feel like me anymore. It was our first pregnancy to get past 6 weeks. We had a brilliant 12 week scan I'm just devastated.

I'm so sorry this happened to you OP. I had an early miscarriage last year and it was the most devastating thing I have ever been through. Having to think about work as well and this stress, I can't even imagine.

I was off for several weeks post miscarriage which I think is well within the remits of usual for women.

I would contact Maternity Action for advice, reading this below it seems that if you are not well enough to work post-miscarriage (which clearly you aren't from what you said), this counts as pregnancy related leave. I imagine this would give you more rights based on equality legislation etc, they have a helpline you can contact:

maternityaction.org.uk/advice/miscarriage-stillbirth-and-neonatal-death-rights-to-time-off-and-pay-for-parents/

This might be another source of advice via their helpline: pregnantthenscrewed.com/category/advice/

What you are feeling is entirely reasonable OP.

I would also keep a written record via email or 'follow up emails' from phonecalls to your employer so you have documented evidence as you go.

Thinking of you.

@ifyouturnonthelight I’m so sorry, I’ve never managed to get past 8 weeks so I can only imagine the devastation that must come when you’d got safely past that 12 week mark. maternityaction.org.uk/advice/miscarriage-stillbirth-and-neonatal-death-rights-to-time-off-and-pay-for-parents/ Gives good information about your rights and entitlements, if you need time off then you need time off, your health and well-being is the most important thing right now.

Sorry, seen @fineappleglasgow has posted the same link 🤦‍♀️

You've had a medical and emotional trauma, and an operation, it's completely understandable that you're not ready for work yet.
I'm so sorry

The other pp have given great advice. I just wanted to step in and say I am so so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage discovered at the 12 week scan and took a week off work. I was still a mess when I returned, and could have done with more time. I can only imagine how you must be feeling having reached as far as 16 weeks. You are not unreasonable in the slightest. Take all the time you need. Sending all the love ❤️

Nobody ever said, " I wish I'd gone back to work much sooner after my miscarriage" Get a sick note tell the Dr. how bad your feeling. And, don't let the bosses intimidate you.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, any company should give you an appropriate amount of time off.

Maybe the issue is not so much the time off, but the fact your only e'mailing into your work, why do you not make a phone appointment with your new manager to agree the appropriate amount of time off.

2 days into a job your still in that building trust stage so if you can manage a phone call might get you more time off with out the stress of worrying about your work.

Couldn’t read and run - I’m so sorry OP :(

You don’t work for the NHS do you (please don’t feel the need to answer that - just asking retrospectively!) I ask this as their absence policies are barbaric. Having to phone in every day for any kind of sick leave borders on the ridiculous. I do however know that emailing instead calling does go against their policy.

@runsoncaffeine4 yes I do ridiculous isn't it? Thank you all for your support I am going to call in tomorrow. I will speak to the big boss and explain in detail why I won't be in. Hopefully he'll be more understanding than the woman I spoke to the other day.

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss.
I'm all about fairness. So I'd give them as much consideration as they're giving you. Which appears to be none. If you're entitled to be off til Wednesday, put yourself first and take it. And longer if you need it. Take care of yourself.

Definitely call, but 16 weeks and miscarrying, you should take as much time as you need! I had two miscarriages earlier on and those were bad enough, I can’t imagine the grief of being so much further along. I would follow up with email just for evidence though.

Get a note from the GP, I’m sorry for your loss .

Our policy is that staff have to phone in every day too, unless a sick note is supplied. Take as much time as you need.

I’m so sorry about your loss. I had a 16 week loss several years ago and it was by far the worst thing I have ever been through. I ended up having 2 months off work.
I cannot believe the nhs are being so unsympathetic.
Take care of yourself.

How awful. I hope you don't have to deal with that person again. How dare they say when you should " try to be back".

I had a second trimester loss in 2020. It was absolutely awful and took three weeks for the MMC medical management to work and I was absolutely devastated. I'm so sorry. I took five weeks off and was treated with compassion in my new job, even delaying the proper start for me as I found out the baby's heartbeat had stopped on my third day so hadn't really started and I did the induction from the beginning again.

I'm so sorry.
It's awful timing, and I think people don't understand how weak you can feel after the blood loss involved in a miscarriage at that stage, quite apart from the trauma. I've had a miscarriage at a similar stage and was quite shocked at how ill I felt, and how no one seemed to understand it wasn't just like a late period. I felt on the verge of collapse, dizzy and just awful for a good few weeks, and kept having people tell me I should be over it.
It really sucks tbh, and I'm sorry you're having to go through this.
Tell your employer about your blood loss in detail, get signed off by your GP. You need time to recover.

I’m so sorry OP. And no of course yanbu. I had surgery after a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks and the hospital actually signed me off for 3 weeks - I didn’t ask, they just gave me a sick note. So the blood loss and physical experience alone would certainly be justifiable, let alone the emotional impact. The person you spoke to sounds as though they really don’t understand unfortunately. I think a proper telephone call and then an agreed period - without calling in every day - is a good idea. You really really do need to prioritise your own recovery, which can be unpredictable. I’m so sorry you are even having to think about this.