AIBU to turn down request to be a bridesmaid

[WingBingo]

Is it even possible to do this without being rude?

I does feel a little like an afterthought TBH

A close friend has just asked. They said ‘Would you both like to be a bridesmaid along with friend A & B?”

They also sent it to another friend on the same chat.

I’m 47, married, not sure I want to be a bridesmaid.

There are very few things you should do "because someone asked you" or "because you feel you ought to" when it is something you actually don't want to.

Be lovely about thanking her for asking you but then you can still say no thank you.

I don't think your age or the fact that your married should make you think you can't be a bridesmaid. But if you really don't want to do it, just let her down gently.

I agree, you can thank her for asking you but say that you'd rather attend as a guest. If you want to you can also say you'd enjoy helping her plan the wedding /join in with the bridesmaids in supporting her etc, but would rather attend as a guest.

YANBU but I find it odd that you wouldn't want to be a bridesmaid to one of your close friends.

Why you feel like it's an afterthought?

I think if you turn it down you have to accept that it may damage the friendship you have with the person

YANBU at all, I would say no.

I've turned down being a Bridesmaid and it was fine.
I've been a Bridesmaid 5 times and I simply cannot stand it and will never do it again. I very politely declined saying that I couldn't commit (young child, live quite far away etc) and offered to do a reading at the wedding instead.
We are still great friends and I'm glad I said no, I think forcing myself to do it would have done more damage to our friendship than my being honest with my friend.

Just decline. I’m never doing it again, nothing to do with my age or marital status, I’m just done.

I would make a joke out of it and say something like, ‘Oh thank you but no, I’m far too old! I’ll leave the limelight to the young ones! Can’t wait to be there for your day though!’

Not saying there is an upper age limit for being a bridesmaid but that is how I would handle it!

I dunno, I just get the feeling that she feels obliged to ask. DH is best man, along with husband of the other friend that has been asked

I’ve just found out it’s an informal wedding, only 20 guests and we are all staying at the fabulous venue.

So I have had a change of heart and I’m going to let her know I would love to.

It’s a relaxed wedding and sounds quite fun.

Thanks all.

YANBU to turn it down, but I'd keep in mind however nicely you do it your friend may end up feeling hurt.

That's good seen as there's only 20 of you. Glad you changed your mind. I went to a similar sized wedding, my dsd. We stayed in an amazing place too. It was fantastic. Enjoy.

3 bridesmaids and only 20 people at the wedding?

I’ve just found out it’s an informal wedding, only 20 guests and we are all staying at the fabulous venue. So 1/4 0f wedding will be in bridal party? Dh, other best man and 4 bridesmaids?
Am sure it will be great!

YANBU to say no if you want.

There's no amount of money anyone could pay me to be a bridesmaid at 47 years old to be honest. That's just me though.

Yeah the whole guest list is pretty much bridal party

4 parents, 2 best men and 4 bridesmaids. The rest are siblings.

Bohemian vibe so I think it could be pretty cool.

No kids but 2 DC can stay with MIIL so it will be an enjoyable weekend away

It sounds fabulous OP, enjoy!

That sounds brilliant, enjoy yourself!