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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Money money money

19 replies

Fri1986 · 02/04/2022 19:50

Feeing that society nowadays assesses a persons value by their material assets
and how successful they are in their career, rather than who they are as person.

It makes me feel like I am failing as a human as Im not a ‘senior leader’ and I don’t have loads of impressive things. Just get a bit sad about it all.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fri1986 · 02/04/2022 19:54

Not sure this is very clear, but I don’t own a big house or have a successful career so seems like I’m ‘not good enough’

OP posts:

BuddhaAtSea · 02/04/2022 19:55

What lacks in your life that makes you compare yourself with others?
Seriously, I’m not having a dig. You don’t need to tell us, just have a think, what is it you are missing?

Because I know senior leaders who are absolutely shit at their job and got there because they were either bullies or played the system, and I for one, sure as hell, wouldn’t want to be one of them.

whenwillthemadnessend · 02/04/2022 19:56

I was listening to a really interesting interview recently and they were saying that to be truest happy you need to have purpose and do good service in some way not possessions so try to remember that ❤️

emuloc · 02/04/2022 19:57

Sorry, but I do not care what value "society" places on me. Life is hard enough without worrying what random people think of myself, or my achievements. A lot of people no doubt changed their thinking about what they saw as so important during the worst of the pandemic. Now with the cost of living going sky high, a lot of people will not be too worried about such trivialities, as they will be too busy trying to survive.

Mrsbclinton · 02/04/2022 19:57

I couldn’t give a hoot what society thinks of me.
If you are happy in your life & making the best of it then I would try focus on that.

There is always going to be people who are better & (worse off) than you.

mbosnz · 02/04/2022 19:58

'To thine ownself be true'.

You set your criteria for your personal assumption of success. Sometimes that's monetary and material, sometimes it is not. But at least determine what you deem to be success.

Original poster

Fri1986 · 02/04/2022 19:59

Really good advice @whenwillthemadnessend
I came home tonight after being with friends feeling crap as they were all talking about their investment plans and how they were considering ‘upsizing’ and how I really should try and get out of renting and ‘build assets’

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/04/2022 20:00

I think that’s your perception - most people when asked what they hope for their children, most say they want them to be a good person

Original poster

Fri1986 · 02/04/2022 20:00

Basically felt like I was a lesser person at the end of the day. I know thats on me and I should try and keep my chin up but it just sucks

OP posts:

Cocomarine · 02/04/2022 20:01

This is coming from you.
Which is great actually, as you have the privilege to be able to change it.

Here’s one example for you: everyone in society knows that band 5 nurses are underpaid. Everyone in society thinks they’re heroes and angels.
(*slightly sweeping but you get the idea)

You’re seeing what you think, not what all society thinks.

likemindedarseholes · 02/04/2022 20:03

I don't have a big house or a big car but I genuinely love my life. It's a mindset. Have great experiences every day. Instagram cliche but it works for me. When I think about what I feel most grateful for it's stuff like singing in the car, rolling down hills with the kids, laughing with my friends, not being able to breath during the tense ending of a series. My house is just something that I clean and sleep in, my car just gets me from A to B. If I won the lottery I can't see me changing either. I'd like to save more for my DC's, that's my only wish.

Original poster

Fri1986 · 02/04/2022 20:03

@Cocomarine yes you’re right. Maybe I need to find some new friends who won’t look down on me for renting or not having a ‘senior’ job

OP posts:

Neongoddess · 02/04/2022 20:08

I don't think this is true at all. Doesn't sound like your friends were placing value on you as a person. Or saying they were better people.

Though they were insensitive your situation to suggest you just buy a house and invest if you are not in a position to do so.

Saving and investing if you have the spare money, is sensible if you can. But being able to doesn't make anyone a better person and I don't, personally know anyone who acts or thinks like that.

LizzieMacQueen · 02/04/2022 20:10

Think of that advert for some kind of beer (great advertising, I can't remember the name!) but it basically says the richness of your life is not measured in money.

Mariposista · 02/04/2022 20:12

@BuddhaAtSea

What lacks in your life that makes you compare yourself with others? Seriously, I’m not having a dig. You don’t need to tell us, just have a think, what is it you are missing?

Because I know senior leaders who are absolutely shit at their job and got there because they were either bullies or played the system, and I for one, sure as hell, wouldn’t want to be one of them.

I absolutely agree with you, or because daddy/uncle got them the job in the first place and they climbed the ladder as a junior at the expense of better qualified/more talented people! I worked in a big company before, and the lack of morals was awful. There were some very nice people, of course, but as you say, so many were absolute bullies who made other peoples' lives hell at work.

TheMoreYouKnow · 02/04/2022 20:50

I actually think most think the opposite since covid as they've been revaluating their lives and whats important. Your friends sound superficial. They'll wake up one day. Money helps but it doesn't bring you happiness.

Afrodizzyak · 02/04/2022 21:22

Please just stay as you are. I have a friend in her sixties who is paranoid about being independent and having more than enough money, even though she is wealthy. So absorbed, she doesn't enjoy her life ,
My father had very little money but enjoyed his life to the full.

dfendyr · 02/04/2022 21:44

@Fri1986

Feeing that society nowadays assesses a persons value by their material assets and how successful they are in their career, rather than who they are as person.

It makes me feel like I am failing as a human as Im not a ‘senior leader’ and I don’t have loads of impressive things. Just get a bit sad about it all.

Feeing that society nowadays assesses has always assessed a persons value by their material assets and how successful they are in their career, rather than who they are as person.

fixed it for you

Cocycola · 02/04/2022 22:22

If your friends have made you feel like that then you are feeling like this because you believe everyone believes this. Trust me, they don't (as already mentioned by previous posters on this thread).

I am the only one out of my family and friends who isn't on the property ladder yet (I simply can't afford it, not yet anyway). If I get asked one more time if I ever want to buy, I'll scream. It does very much feel like my worth is judged by what money I have and it sucks.

I don't think people mean any harm by it, and your friends might think they are trying to help, but instead it comes out more judgey and as though they are rubbing your face in it. It is hard to not feel like people do judge you by money, as it feels like it so often.

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