To think my sixth form college was really irresponsible?

[Freezingbythesea]

This obviously looking back, but I really feel they let me down. The college only took 16-19 year olds, it wasn’t for mature students who might be expected to take more responsibility for their learning.

My mum had died towards the end of year 12, and I obviously really struggled. Towards the end of my time there I just gave up, and stopped attending lessons and didn’t bother going in. No one contacted me to see I was all right or to try to help or support. Unsurprisingly I didn’t do very well in my A levels!

This was 1999 if relevant, things have changed now, I know!

That definitely wasn't good behaviour on their part.

Sorry for your loss. Did the college know?

We were at college at a similar age and time OP. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that at some age. I think, in my experience and observation, your college’s behaviour is very typical of the time.

I think that’s part of the difference between schools and colleges in my experience. I feel there tends to be more pastoral care in schools. Having said that, it could have been down to those times.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I certainly didn't experience any such hardship, but I also remember a distinct lack of interest in student welfare. I never attended morning or afternoon registration - only my timetabled lessons, and never General Studies lessons. Nobody ever pulled me up on this or contacted my parents. The majority of the lessons, with the exception of English Literature, consisted of teachers reading aloud from a textbook while we took notes (and struggled to stay awake in stuffy classrooms).

It was the same school I had attended from Year 7, and it was in the days when as long as you were going to get a C, it didn't matter. I realise now that I was capable of far better grades than I got but despite being well behaved, I was a very lazy student.

I teach secondary myself now and it's worlds apart. I think it's much better now.

Very different times. I’m the same age as you and mine wouldn’t have done much either. Especially in those times, after 16 the mindset was people had to take responsibility for themselves

Not great but unfortunately normal for the 90s. No safeguarding at all at my school, me and my friends were hanging out with much older men who actually walked through the school grounds one day (seen by the whole year as we were in assembly at the time). My head of year did talk to me and say what would your mum say? But never contacted her.

College teachers used to not turn up. Sciving off went un dealt with. Luckily things are completely different now for the next generation.

Not surprised you feel abandoned by the school. Somebody should have asked you what they could do to make a really difficult time for you a little bit less stressful.

My x, his mother was an alcoholic. When he said "i'm leaving school before the LC" the head just said ok bye. He is really clever and the school knew that. I just cant believe that professionals wouldnt want to have a conversation with a teenager making such a huge decision.

My school only bothered with the best students. Anybody who could have done well but only with support did not get support

It’s interesting you said that @LadyMacduff as I think while there’s a lot wrong with education, on the whole it’s better now. It’s scary that I just vanished and no one cared!

I think in some ways, there can be a tendency for some to overshare with school staff now. The pastoral staff where I work seem to get to know all about who's dating/cheated on who, who was up to what at all the parties: I can't imagine wanting my teachers to be aware of things like that when I was 16/17.

But in terms of someone just dropping out, or not engaging in a typical way: that would be a big cause for concern and if they were made aware of a bereavement or similar, there would be at least a meeting, an offer of support and intervention if things went south.

I think the difference between school and college is that you are treated as an adult at college. They won’t chase after you if you don’t come in. Rightly or wrongly.

Is there anyone here who was at school in the 90s who doesn’t know of a pupil/teacher affair at their school? That was incredibly common.

I went a bit mad at college. They treated us like adults and being responsible for myself with no one to answer to if I didn't hand work in. Total culture shock after school. It did teach me a valuable lesson and prepared me very well for university as hadnt been spoon fed.

That may be true in areas where students choose whether to stay on at school or go to college but I’m not sure it was the case for me.

As I’ve said, it was a 16-19 college, with very few exceptions year 12s were aged 16/17 and 13s 17/18. A tiny minority of year 13s had done three years (resat y12) so turned 19.

Sounds fairly normal for the 90s. I went to a sixth form that had much better pastoral care and when I lost interest and pretty much dropped out in favour of working (I ended up completing one A-level) they did protest a bit and try to encourage me to stay but ultimately there's not much they can do once you're that age.

I attended a well thought of secondary school in the Cotswolds in the late 90s which, if you scratched the surface, was shocking. We had zero pastoral care, I managed to scive an entire term of maths before anyone realised and then my punishment was sitting in the deputy heads office for a week answering his phone and eating the chocolates he kept on his desk. He said we best not tell my parents. Obviously in hindsight this is because it did not look good on them. We had a lot of swept under the rug incidents that now would result in severe consequences. We had a teacher who attacked a pupil and knocked him out, a alcoholic head who smoked and drank openly in his office and was often inebriated driving home, the teaching was beyond useless and our tech teacher forgot to teach is the necessary GCSE material and thought it was hilarious. Stacks of teacher affairs. Speaking to friends a lot of 90s schools were similar. Going to DS school now is like a different world.

I must be about three years old than you, and I fully empathise. The treatment, or lack of, that I got from my secondary school (where I also did sixth form) was shocking.

Same for me, they didn't even try. Neither did my parents tbf so I walked away with no a levels whatsoever. It was the times sadly which is why I've put my heart into supporting my dd through sixth form even though she wanted to quit and now she's nearly there and she's so proud of herself. I wish someone had done that for me.

Yeah I think back then they were much less bothered. Firstly because the leaving school age was 16, but I also think the mediocre pupils often get ignored at school. If you’re super clever or failing, you get support, otherwise you just have to motivate yourself. It’s shitty, especially since you had so much going on in your life.

The woman responsible for pastoral care at my college (2001) told me my peer couldn't possibly have sexually assaulted me, or threatened to kill himself if I told anyone because he was going to Oxford. 🤦🏻‍♀️

At the end of last year Ds didn't attend sixth form for 5 weeks. He has additional needs and significant mental health difficulties. We were all struggling and I didn't contact school at all in that time. They didn't try and contact us either......for the whole 5 weeks.

I went to what was the top 6th form (non private) in England in 2001. There were maybe 800 of us per year. It was too many to keep tabs on. Don't forget education was optional after 16 then - it's not so much now.

My parents split up when I was 13 in 1994, it was a really nasty split and I spiralled into depression, self harm and had to look after myself, as my mum had left and I stayed with my dad.
Needless to say my attendance and grades after this were not good. No one at my school ever asked how I was doing or contacted my parents to see if I needed help. Prior to this I was a straight A student.
I managed to sort myself out and get half decent GCSEs and went to a sixth form college from 1997-1999 for a fresh start.
All the new found freedom went to my head and I was drinking and smoking on all my free periods.
I turned up for the bare minimum of lessons and very frequently did chemistry whilst slightly drunk.

Yet again no one at college intervened or questioned my absence.

I barely scraped through my a levels in 1999 and I truly believe that if safeguarding had been in place like it is now I would have done so much better.

I cannot imagine if my sons were in this situation in 2022 that they could just be left dealing with everything I had to on my own.

I cannot imagine if my sons were in this situation in 2022 that they could just be left dealing with everything

Unfortunately there is a good chance they would be left. Ds has an EHCP and not one person at sixth form even took the time to phone home to make sure he was okay. And that was in 2021.

YANBU

I was at sixth form in the early 90s and my friend was murdered in the second year (she lived elsewhere). It hit me really badly but no one got me any help or support. I failed one of my a levels and did much worse than expected on the others, which is hardly a surprise, but no one looked at remarking or anything, they just tutted at me.
Looking at it now, I'm shocked at how my parents and teachers just left me to sink. I was severely depressed and started drinking heavily which led to long term alcohol abuse.

I feel I was badly failed by everyone around be at that time. I think it was just a really crappy time still in terms of supporting children and young people.

I stayed at my school. I didn't do English so was never taught how to write an essay up to A level standard. So failed them as a result. I really shouldn't have done. Fortunately I already had an unconditional uni offer based on GCSE grades.

Friend of mine in the mid 90s turned up for her first real A level exam to be pulled to one side by a teacher and told she hadn’t paid the exam entrance fee (she didnt know anything about one) and couldn’t sit the exam unless she paid £20.

So she went home and never went back. Never told her parents who still to this day don’t know she didn’t sit a single A level!