Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give up on this school mum friendship?

50 replies

DawnMoreLikeYawn · 02/04/2022 09:02

DS is at primary school and I got talking to his friends mum a while back. We started walking home together on an afternoon from school and this progressed to going to each other’s houses for coffee after school run etc

Now I’m not sure if I like her after all! She doesn’t drive so started asking if she could come with me to do weekly shop so it was easier to get her stuff home rather than taxi’ing it. She commented on everything I bought and took the piss such as saying you’re only supposed to eat soup when you’re poorly or poor. She laughed that I bought steak for a 9 year old saying it was a bit Neanderthal and said she wouldn’t even give her 14 year old steak and she thinks she’s “too young”. My shopping came to around £50 and she said I waste so much money and “must be nice to have money to burn” etc etc!!

She asks me all sorts of questions about my private life but then tells me she doesn’t know what her husband does for a living, just that he works with computers. She doesn’t even know where he works?!
She starves herself all day then raids her sons packed lunch box on the way home from school eating the crusts off his sandwich 🤮 it makes me feel sick.
She invited me to this day trip thing with a group she’s a member off, it was on a coach and the woman behind me kept tapping me on the shoulder every 5 minutes to tell me stuff, it was driving me insane as I’m travel sick and it was making it so much worse and I ended up snapping at her telling her I can’t keep turning around as I feel sick so “friend” and this woman had a good laugh about it and kept tapping me to see how long I could ignore them. Afterwards she apologised and said she was just trying to keep the other woman happy as she’s going through a really tough time.

Yesterday I passed her walking down the street with her husband and she totally blanked me as if she didn’t know me. Then she text me apologising saying she couldn’t say hello as her husband was with her?!

I have a feeling she’s a domestic violence victim (as after looking into it, that is the main focus of the group where we went on the trip, I didn’t know at the time) so I do have sympathy for her but this friendship is doing nothing for me at all, I feel like I’m a taxi and not much else.

She’s text me asking if I want to take the kids to park today but I know she’ll want picking up etc. she even said earlier in the week that she wanted to take her son to park at weekend but couldn’t be arsed with the bus.

OP posts:
Sailorsusan · 02/04/2022 09:08

It sounds like she has overstepped your boundaries. I would not want this sort of lift-dependent friendship either.

LndnGrl · 02/04/2022 09:24

The feeling sick at her eating the dc lunch is out of order and my first thought was that she might have an abusive husband who monitors her spending and use of food in the fridge/ cupboards, before I got to the bottom where you mention this.

Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 02/04/2022 09:26

You need to dump this person OP, she sounds unbalanced (not to mention downright rude).

Hiddenvoice · 02/04/2022 09:30

I think she is overstepping boundaries but I worry she has a lot more going on in her life.
It’s entirely up to you how you progress with this friendship.
You could keep it to strictly walking/ doing school drop off and pick up. You don’t need to take her shopping and can say no or come up with an excuse.
Or you could turn the tables on her and ask why she is commenting on your spending and ask her why she doesn’t speak to you when her husband is around. Id be gentle with the questions but you can ask and see how she reacts.

AchillesPoirot · 02/04/2022 09:31

She is clearly someone with a lot going on.

However. You are entitled to your boundaries.

Difficult one. Could you scale back and only walk to and from school with her rather than giving the lifts?

Cocomarine · 02/04/2022 09:32

Tell me more about you hijacking a trip out for a DV support group?!

Are you just posting to moan about her? Why would this even be a question? “Should I be friends with someone I don’t like?”

Hmmm… let me think about that!

Bananarama21 · 02/04/2022 09:33

Just make yourself busy and unavailable till she gets the message

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 02/04/2022 09:34

You need to reestablish the expectations if you would like to continue the friendship. If she asks about the park say you will meet her there at 1pm. If she asks to be picked up just say sorry you can't, never mind you can go another time. If she asks about shopping say you're not going at this point.

It does sound like there is something going on in her personal life. You could ask her gently why she cannot speak to you infront of her husband.

TheMarvelousMrsMaisel · 02/04/2022 09:35

Just make yourself unavailable. "I need a lift!" "Sorry I'm busy today." "Can I come over?" "Sorry I'm busy today." She'll get the hint eventually.
People like that will suck everything out of you till you have nothing lefts

CornishGem1975 · 02/04/2022 09:37

I'd be running for the hills.

lollipoprainbow · 02/04/2022 09:47

She sounds horrendous, ditch her straight away rude cow !!

DawnMoreLikeYawn · 02/04/2022 09:49

@Cocomarine

Tell me more about you hijacking a trip out for a DV support group?!

Are you just posting to moan about her? Why would this even be a question? “Should I be friends with someone I don’t like?”

Hmmm… let me think about that!

I didn’t hijack the trip!! She asked me to go with her so I did. I didn’t know at this point it was a DV group, she just said it was a women’s group and she wanted company
OP posts:
StooOrangeyForCrows · 02/04/2022 09:59

Some of her behaviours may be as a result of her difficult home life but the endless poking you when you are ill is nothing to do with that and indicates she is unpleasant.

I'm an old bugger now and trust me, the sooner you learn to phase out unpleasant people, the nicer your own life will be. Life has enough challenges. Heaping this woman upon yourself when you are not related to her and there is no obligation to do so, borders on masochism. You are being far too nice OP.

AngelinaFibres · 02/04/2022 09:59

@AchillesPoirot

She is clearly someone with a lot going on.

However. You are entitled to your boundaries.

Difficult one. Could you scale back and only walk to and from school with her rather than giving the lifts?

This. Start being unavailable. Drive your child to school a couple of times a week because you are 'going somewhere else' after drop off. Take him somewhere after school that she can't come to. Break the habit.
Theworldisquiethere · 02/04/2022 10:04

Commenting on how much you’re spending and having to eat her son’s leftovers indicated that she’s having money issues - possible financial abuse involved. As someone else said, maybe her husband monitors the food so she has to eat her son’s leftovers to avoid consequences. Saying that soup is for poor people sounds like projection, she’s saying you look poor because she’s very conscious of looking poor.

Yes it’s rude of her to make comments about your shopping but she’s obviously very unhappy. If you’re not happy in the friendship then you obviously don’t need to stay friends with her though.

KELLOGSspeck · 02/04/2022 10:05

I wouldn't go to her house or have her back again at your house.

The walking past you with her DH is odd.... but given the background unless she wants support regarding that I would not get involved.

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 02/04/2022 10:06

I couldnt be doing with the stress OP. Regardless of what is going on with her and I have no wish to sound uncaring it is her issue not for you to take on and navigate, You owe her nothing. Get rid. I am one of those people,rightly or wrongly who goes through life embracing people who add to my life not hinder it or add pressure it. I could not deal with the endless critisism or having to fend and prove to anyone. Keep her as an acquaintance,she is not a friend.

lollipoprainbow · 02/04/2022 10:07

Poking and laughing at someone on a coach when they've already said they feel sick isn't on. She sounds deranged. The supermarket thing would have ended it for me, making rude comments about what I was buying, bye bye !!

Indicatrice · 02/04/2022 10:12

I couldn’t continue with this friendship. She is basically using you as a taxi service. Text her no to the park and any other asks.

She has form for being nasty to you and ime that only gets worse.

Lunificent · 02/04/2022 10:17

She sounds very, very weird and you don’t have to be her friend. I would scale any interactions right back but in an undramatic way, just be unavailable.
If she does need help with domestic violence issues and she reaches out, maybe be ready with phone numbers for Women’s Aid etc.

DowntonCrabby · 02/04/2022 10:41

Nope, ditch.

It’s awful if she is a DA victim but that would be be an excuse for the judgemental, immature, nasty behaviour.

Try and organise some play dates with other children in DD’s class.

DowntonCrabby · 02/04/2022 10:41

*wouldn’t

jytdtysrht · 02/04/2022 10:44

Get rid. Pisstaker and bully. It would be terrible if she was a victim of DV, but given her other behaviour, she may have gaslit you into thinking that.

Georgeskitchen · 02/04/2022 10:44

Step away quietly. If she is involved in a group for DV victims it sounds like she already has some support. Not to sound unsympathetic but her problems are not yours and you don't have to deal with her and her strange behaviour

WildfirePonie · 02/04/2022 10:59

She is not your problem OP.