Ffs I lost my cool!

[Roui]

So i stupidly got into a relationship that went too quickly. Within 8 months we were living together and he was a bloody nightmare, and I ended up on anti depressants for the hell of being there.

Long story short, he started screaming at my 12 year old son, then kicked us out.
I ended up being in a refuge.
Anyway 5 weeks later he’s begging for me back, hundreds of texts and phone calls, all saying he was an idiot here realised he was in the wrong, come home i want to marry you, your my world blah blah blah.
Of course being the dickhead I am I thought he was genuine. I went over, slept with him, talked and then the next day he’s like right you coming back home now?
I was saying I’m not ready, kids to think off, trust to rebuild and I needed to see the change not just hear the words. He said he couldn’t wait for me it wasn’t what he wanted he wanted family life.

Anyway tonight I went past his rd and a car was on the front, there was another woman, in my house (still joint tenant) on my sofa.
I lost my shit and knocked on the door, he was a pussy and came to the window, saying go away l’ve told you we are over, I said you slept with me two days ago, I have all these texts to prove you were begging me to come home.
He basically made me look mental and to be fair I was just so angry l did over react by banging on the door and shouting that he was a cheat and using her as much as he had used me!

Anyway I’m just so angry with myself. He’s like all i need to move to on and I’m not actually arsed about him, he’s not all that. But I’m homeless and he’s there in a house I should be in and have put money into (social housing) I feel like blowing his world apart and ending the tenancy! But he has a 5 year old 6 days a fortnight and he basically says I would ruin her life doing that… despite my child living with me in a refuge due to him!

Absolute bell end, but can I have some woman power to make me feel better?

Why was it more of a priority to you to put this on your Instagram than to sort of housing for your children?

This is not love or jealousy. This is rage. He has treated you badly, evicted you and your child, lied to you and is now openly making a fool of you with someone else. You lost your cool because you are furious. How dare he?

The answer is to stay cool and rebuild your life, so you need to let out that fury at the injustice of it all. In a safe way.

If it helps OP, he’s a destructive immature isiot and you have dodged a bullet. Imagine putting up with that shit show for years at a time?

You have your child, focus on the positive. I am sure karma will come knocking for this guy sooner or later.

Ugh why did you post on Instagram? You need to grow up tbh.

Well my post on Instagram was about how I had been let down by a man yet came back to the refuge and God/universe helped that pain I felt buy distracting me to help a mum here who was having a breakdown and I helped her get her autistic son to bed. It wasn’t me just venting about what he had done… although that’s my right to speak out if I want.

I’m not having some arsehole silence me because he wants the world to believe he’s the victim! He hates people thinking bad of him. Like I said I never mentioned his name so only close friends and family would know who he is!

The comment about why would I post instead of sorting a home out is ridiculous, of course I am sorting a home out, there is literally nothing more I can do… and at midnight on a Friday night I couldn’t really get a home sorted!

I am going through hell here. It’s kicked off my eating disorder and my body is in agony with the stress. I wanted some reassurance and some sisterhood support, not people being nasty and dragging me down further.
Mumsnet can be so toxic for that. Just be kind! You can have an opinion but you don’t need to belittle people.

Thank you to those of you who have been supportive and lovely 😊

Talk to your housing options folks. They can remove him from the tenancy so that you can return (your 12yr old is in more housing need than a part time kid who has another home). I wouldn't have thought that they'd allow 1 tenancy to be split to create 2. And you don't want to jepodise a new secure home for you and your son.

Glad youbare out though. Take care.

So I emailed the housing officer for our house a few weeks back and she said I sign this form saying I am willing to transfer the tenancy to him as a sole tenant, and I can get my own tenancy on a new house. She said they look at his housing needs and make a decision.
He’s lied and said he has his daughter more, and she has said it’s fine for him to have one bedroom space too many.
It’s crazy given the fact I would fill the house with both my full custody kids! Thing is I don’t want it anyway now. The house needs a ton of work, we took it on as a project together really.
She’s been in it now, and it feels tainted. I know that sounds pathetic but it’s how I feel emotionally right now.
Plus if I get that house his very large nasty family will make my life hell, and he’s turned the neighbourhood against me too so it seems.
I’ve just been on the phone to a therapist she was like… this is typical narcissistic behaviour. 😞

It’s done and over with now, I just need to focus on me and the boys and setting up a home for us so we can live our best life safely!

@LittleOwl153

Talk to your housing options folks. They can remove him from the tenancy so that you can return (your 12yr old is in more housing need than a part time kid who has another home). I wouldn't have thought that they'd allow 1 tenancy to be split to create 2. And you don't want to jepodise a new secure home for you and your son.

Glad youbare out though. Take care.

Actually they can't remove him from a tenancy only a court can do that

If you have a therapist who throws about “typical narcissist” behaviour over someone who is just being an arsehole (a big one though) then your therapist doesn’t sound very professional.

Jesus, get a place to live, stay off Instagram and stop making terrible decisions. Your children must be thinking wtf

I think it says a lot about you that you're more upset about him being with another woman than what he did to your child. Why did you go back at all

Jesus, get a place to live, stay off Instagram and stop making terrible decisions. Your children must be thinking wtf

This. Moving in with someone after 8 months, especially when you have a child to think about, is ridiculous.

OP this is a horrible situation for you and you absolutely did the right thing in leaving.

I know how emotional and infuriating it must be seeing him behave like this but try to detach yourself from the emotion in how you act going forward, even if you're raging inside. Disable your instagram if it is too upsetting to look at but whatever you do don't post any more about him. He isn't making you look bad, his behaviour is making himself look bad, but your reaction to it is what could make you look bad. If you completely blank him, don't post anything at all, he is going to end up looking childish and you'll look like the bigger person.

Put all your energy into your children and building a new life. This new woman is as much a victim as you are and I guarantee you he will be treating her badly too.

I don't know the ins & outs of how tenancies work but it sounds like a good idea to push for a new house in a new area to give yourself a fresh start.