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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was in the wrong here?

22 replies

argbooker · 01/04/2022 23:35

I would consider myself a safe and confident driver but after my experience the other day I am questioning that. I was driving in the outside lane on the bypass the other day, going about 65. A car started entering from a slip road so needed to merge. I couldn't move over inside lane as there was someone there. The guy coming down the slip road was running out of space, so I took my foot off the gas to slow down ever so slightly and I flashed him to let him know he could pull out in front of me.

He started to pull out a little and then just stopped, completely stopped half in the slip road and half out, it made me have to slow down to about 20 miles per hour so fast and swerve. He was completely still on the bypass. I couldn't believe it. When he started moving again he was overtaking me shaking his head as if I'd done something wrong.

Had I?

OP posts:
44PumpLane · 01/04/2022 23:37

If he was genuinely stationary half in the slip and half in the dual carriage, then he was clearly at fault.

I imagine he felt, too late, that you hadn't left him enough time after flashing him. Perhaps he expected you to slow down more.

However the onus was on him to judge whether he had enough time before leaving the slip, so he is at fault.

Original poster
argbooker · 01/04/2022 23:39

@44PumpLane yes he was completely stationary, never seen driving like it.

OP posts:
Bananabutter · 01/04/2022 23:39

You won’t have given him enough room. You shouldn’t have slowed down and instead just carried on.

SarahAndQuack · 01/04/2022 23:40

You shouldn't have flashed at him - I know loads of people do use it to mean 'go on then' but it's not official and there's always the chance he thought you were flashing to indicate you thought he was doing something dangerous (or that your flashing light just spooked him).

He was obviously a shit driver, though, so I would chalk it up to one of those things really.

malmi · 01/04/2022 23:42

I think you've confused outside and inside lane.

GirlsTalk250 · 01/04/2022 23:42

It was obviously your right of way.
Possibly he mistook your flash for a warning not to pull out. Years ago my driving instructor used to rant at how many accidents were caused by drivers misinterpreting other cars flashing them.

Original poster
argbooker · 01/04/2022 23:43

@malmi

I think you've confused outside and inside lane.
I'm sure you got the jist
OP posts:
Bananabutter · 01/04/2022 23:43

And yes - don’t flash other people to let them in/out/cross the street etc. Just follow the rules of the road as flashing is very dangerous and leads to mixed messages.

IGiveUpalready · 01/04/2022 23:44

If you don't have a dashcam I would certainly recommend you get one -he was at fault! He should have slowed down until it was safe to enter the road and by stopping half way, he was either trying to make a point or wanted you to hit him (crazier things have happened) both reckless

SarahAndQuack · 01/04/2022 23:44

@GirlsTalk250

It was obviously your right of way. Possibly he mistook your flash for a warning not to pull out. Years ago my driving instructor used to rant at how many accidents were caused by drivers misinterpreting other cars flashing them.
I think we had the same instructor! Grin I read the OP's post and had a flashback to mine ranting 'flashing your lights is not an approved road signal! Don't trust it!'

It was years before I dared to do the odd tiny flash.

RantyAunty · 01/04/2022 23:45

Him completely stopping was stupid and dangerous.

FloralsForSpring · 01/04/2022 23:52

Don't flash other drivers.

TheHateIsNotGood · 02/04/2022 00:00

Welcome to the world of driving - you always need to be aware that other vehicles will do the unexpected and seems, in this instance, no accident happened so carry on.

As a previous pp said, you're not really supposed to flash your lights - I learned that on an Advanced Driving Course back in the 1990s - flashing your lights can mean a multitude of things, it's not always clear what the 'flasher' means.

Hesma · 03/04/2022 06:34

You should have just kept going. Irresponsible driving from you, especially when you were already going too fast

Hadalifeonce · 03/04/2022 06:38

You were in the wrong.

Randommother · 03/04/2022 06:40

@Hesma why do you say she was going too fast? I don’t see any mention of the speed limit in the post. Its a dual carriageway which is 70, unless indicated otherwise.

Starbonnet123 · 03/04/2022 06:51

He was in the wrong , he doesn't have an automatic right to get onto the dual carriageway . If he can't merge into the traffic safely he has to give way to you and wait at the broken line until he can carry on .
That's how I was taught many years ago .

BuanoKubiamVej · 03/04/2022 06:54

I recently was in a similar scenario where it "sort of" worked. Similar in that I could see the joining car on the sliproad needed a space and I couldn't move out so I slowed down. If the joining car had steadily accelerated during the available slip road we would have matched speeds and they would have joined at about 60mph but they slowed right down to about 30 - but by that time I was actively matching my speed and position on the assumption that the bit of road in front of me was about to be moved into so I slowed right down too but it was stupid - I lost all that momentum and had to burn extra fuel to get back up to speed. I think I will act differently in future. you can't psychicly determine how another driver will deal with you slowing down and it's better for you to maintain a steady speed and that simplifies the decisions that the other driver has to make.

Carrotten · 03/04/2022 06:57

If he was merging then surely he was going the same speed as you? So how can he suddenly be stationary?

You had right of way but sounds like you flashed when there wasn't enough space. It's I guess decency to back off and allow enough space for a car entering to merge

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/04/2022 07:06

You were both at fault.

Herejustforthisone · 03/04/2022 07:22

It’s always easier to just maintain your speed if you can’t pull out due to another motorist in the outside lane. You slowing would have been difficult for him to judge and some motorists panic when flashed.

autienotnaughty · 03/04/2022 07:27

Don't agree with flashing but he should have either gone or waited. So would say he was at fault.

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