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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DM I was a little upset she didn't tell me she's been in contact with covid

24 replies

Easterdaffsx · 01/04/2022 23:25

So I visited mother this evening and spent a fairly challenging hour with both my parents.
After another hour of what a terrible daughter I was / how dreadful my dc are and how expensive my (their ) wedding was to my ex dh 30 years ago (another story but tbh cba) ,she handed me back the two dozen roses I'd bought for her as they would be wasted as they were flying out of the country on Tuesday .... then as I was leaving DM says she hopes my brother is better . I ask what is the matter with Db only to hear he has covid My dad spent not only the evening but stayed over night on Monday and he tested positive on Tuesday morning while my dad was there .
All I said was that I was a bit upset that they hadn't told me before I spent the evening with my dad . He could be infected .
I know we are relaxing the rules now but for the last two years I have literally stripped at my front door ( working in a hospital) to protect my family so I just said they should have told ....it's almost like they think only they need protecting ? I wouldn't have gone in .
My mum just sent me a message saying that I could never be nice after seeing them and was just looking for an argument .
AIBU
I was I thought fairly kind and just said it would have been nice to tell me .

OP posts:
Igotchills · 02/04/2022 06:19

YANBU.
If your parents are so challenging I suppose their reaction is as expected because they are never at fault so need to turn it to you being at fault somehow.
Visit less for the sake of your MH Flowers

autienotnaughty · 02/04/2022 06:33

If that's what your parents are like why do you visit?

NameGoesHere · 02/04/2022 06:36

Why do you bother with them??

carefullycourageous · 02/04/2022 06:37

I think you have a lot of issues with your parents, this doesn't sound easy.

It sounds like the less you see them, the better?

Ikeptgoing · 02/04/2022 06:43

Yanbu
Your parents are self centred aholes

gamerchick · 02/04/2022 06:51

Deep in FOG there OP. Your parents are dickheads and are accustomed to using you as the whipping boy. You don't need to take this shit. Are you really surprised at the covid thing?

gamerchick · 02/04/2022 06:56

Sending you away with the flowers you had bought is properly below the belt. They need a good rattle on what you're prepared to put up with. They are not superior to you.

Nelliephant1 · 02/04/2022 07:15

Sounds exactly like my mother, you have my sympathies.

You're definitely not being unreasonable, not telling you was a rotten thing to do.

Herejustforthisone · 02/04/2022 07:16

Stop doing nice things and buying nice things for those nasty bastards. They don’t sound like they deserve it. Your brother the golden child per chance?

Aprilx · 02/04/2022 07:20

It sounds like there are some unresolved issues with your parents. But handing back roses for you to enjoy seems sensible seeing as they are going away, what a waste of roses otherwise.

And come on, surely it is time to stop having to tell everybody who we have been in contact with for the last seven days so they can decide whether to see us or not. That you strip off at the front door to protect your family, suggests some over anxiety in you.

MsTSwift · 02/04/2022 07:25

You parents sound horrible but covid is literally everywhere here if you didn’t see those who had seen someone who has it you would never leave the house. One in 13 have it and that’s probably an under representation

FloralsForSpring · 02/04/2022 07:27

You are too nice for your own good. Reduce contact.

Knockdown43 · 02/04/2022 07:29

YANBU. I had the exact same thing with my dad. He found out he had Covid 2 days after visiting but didn’t like it when I protested (he said he wasn’t well when he came over) that he shouldn’t have come over. Then he turned on me and said ‘maybe you gave it to me’ Hmm ... regular lateral flows said otherwise but I get your annoyance. He’s also adopted a very laissez faire attitude to it all now

MintyMoocow · 02/04/2022 07:29

If you put a nose outside your front door then you are in touch with COVID. But your DM sounds vile!

Robin233 · 02/04/2022 07:30

Please stop visiting
Would you treat a good friend like this ?
No
So they are not aloud to treat you like this.
Remember 'you teach people how to treat you'
Put in some boundaries- and when they cross them - walk away (laughing with your head held high)

Ikeptgoing · 02/04/2022 07:37

That you strip off at the front door to protect your family, suggests some over anxiety in you.

That's twaddle @Aprilx , OP has said she is a HCP, most NHS workers were stripping off clothes at the door to keep covid away from their families, having seen the devastating way patients they were caring for have died of it on the wards. It may be milder now as people are vaccinated - (about how go into 4th vaccine, except children have only just had their 2nd) and we are all relaxing, but covid still causes significant problems for those CEV and vulnerable.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/04/2022 07:56

Your parents treat you like this because they can. Ie you let them. It’s a very fixed dynamic and I know that sounds harsh. I’m speaking from experience as the scapegoat, who also used to get this barrage of abuse. Therapy and low contact would be hugely beneficial for you. Please read up about boundaries and FOG.

bellabasset · 02/04/2022 07:57

I'm afraid that the government's actions in closing testing sites and stopping the LFT, stopping the sick pay has given the public the message that it's okay to treat it as a cold. However 2 weeks ago my dsis whose vulnerable received a message from Track and Trace to say people on her recent flight had covid and she should do a test and if positive she should isolate for 10 days. She was and she's in the vulnerable category

I had what I thought was a cold I'm Dec, although I tested -ve I kept away for a few days. But I live in Cornwall and my friend, who had Covid-19 in January, and I have temporarily stopped our pilates classes as people don't book and arrive so there's a crowded class. We had one outside the other day which was great.

Sswhinesthebest · 02/04/2022 08:00

So presumably they’ll still fly on Tuesday even if he has it?

WonderfulYou · 02/04/2022 08:01

YABU
Most of us are around positive people all of the time and even if someone’s positive in your household you still need to go to work and mix with everyone there.

However I think the covid issue is irrelevant and you have bigger issues with your mum.

To tell DM I was a little upset she didn't tell me she's been in contact with covid
balalake · 02/04/2022 08:04

You work in a hospital? Then of course you should know. Even though the issues with your mum seem far more.

IncompleteSenten · 02/04/2022 08:08

Why the hell do you even bother? It doesn't sound like they like or love you at all. Why are you putting yourself in this situation?

girlmom21 · 02/04/2022 08:11

I don't understand why you want to tell your mom you're upset when it's your dad who was there with your brother and had the contact, to be honest.

But either way this sounds like an incredibly toxic environment and you need to just stop visiting

cptartapp · 02/04/2022 08:13

What do you think of your parents as people OP to let them treat you like this? Do you like them? Think they're good decent parents? Nice people?

Just start to see far less of them now before they become older and one is left alone and the whole 'challenging' thing becomes a whole new ballgame.

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