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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Passive-aggressive, or am I reading too much into this?

21 replies

daffidoodledandy · 01/04/2022 15:24

After two years of avoiding it, I've got covid.

I feel crap and have been isolating since yesterday. I'm also part of the CEV group and so I'm worried about how much it's going to affect me.

My boss texted asking how I was. I replied and asked how things were at work. They responded by saying how busy things were and how stretched it was today.

We are stretched on Fridays, because several key staff members work part time and are not in. Almost every Friday since Christmas, my boss has also worked from home, so it's been stretched for me without them present.

I can't work out if they are being snarky and pissy because I'm not well enough to work, or if I'm being over-sensitive. I'm busy composing sarcastic remarks about the past few months being stretched, but I know I would never send them.

OP posts:

ManyATime · 01/04/2022 15:48

Go for it with the sarcasm!

coffeeisthebest · 01/04/2022 16:23

You asked how it was and they said it was busy and you know it normally is on a Friday...you can take offence from that if you wish but you asked a question and they replied with an honest answer. And yes the other stuff would be passive aggressive.

Rodion · 01/04/2022 16:26

Hard to tell as it could be either. BUT don't waste the mental energy needed to worry about it - if they're being rude that's on them as you've done nothing wrong, if not then all is good. I'd try to put it out of your mind and focus on recovering.

Hillarious · 01/04/2022 16:30

No - avoid the sarcastic response. You're right to compose the messages to give you the opportunity to vent, but don't send them.

emuloc · 01/04/2022 16:40

You are off work because you are unwell, why are you asking how work is? You asked, you were given an honest answer.

Jannt86 · 01/04/2022 16:48

I let my manager I wouldn't be going in the other day as daughter was on the verge of going into hospital with a wheeze. I don't phone in sick lightly and I think this is pretty much the first time I have done in 6 months. Her response was 'that's 3 down today then' She did also say she hoped my daughter was ok. Might this have been snarky? Possibly? Do I give a flying f*#k? Hell no! I put a lot of extra hours in at work and at the end of the day my daughter is who I work for and she comes first. I genuinely couldn't care less what people think of me phoning in sick. There's way more important things to stress about. It's a stressful time for all including managers as so many people are sick. If they need to be a bit snarky or whingy to cope then let them but let it wash over you. It's not going to dramatically alter your life what work people who would forget you exist 5 minutes after you leave think. Just keep your nose clean and concentrate on family and friends who you're irreplaceable to xx

Bananabutter · 01/04/2022 16:54

@coffeeisthebest

This. You asked.

WonderfulYou · 01/04/2022 17:18

YABU you say yourself it’s always busy on Friday and that’s what they said. Did you expect them to lie?

I am close to my boss and colleagues and every day I’d ask on the group chat how things are and if there’s anything I can do and they’d say how mad it is and that’s it’s so busy as we had over half the staff off - they weren’t being passive aggressive just being honest.

Laptopsandmouses · 01/04/2022 17:20

I don’t really understand the issue. It is busy you asked how it was. I’m not sure what you expected, did you wish him to lie?

stairgates · 01/04/2022 17:21

Maybe send a helpful suggestion of offering the part timers a few more hours on a Friday as it is the busiest day of the week, see what the reply comes back at.

OatmilkandCookies · 01/04/2022 18:08

I think you're reading too much into it. You asked how work was and they said its stretched. Non issue

ManyATime · 01/04/2022 18:15

@Laptopsandmouses

I don’t really understand the issue. It is busy you asked how it was. I’m not sure what you expected, did you wish him to lie?

The issue seems to be that all Fridays are busy but the boss chooses to work from home that day, which makes things unnecessarily difficult.

Swayingpalmtrees · 01/04/2022 18:29

I would not send a sarcastic message back, I would just them a good weekend and tell them you will be in as soon as you are better.

There are record numbers of people with covid, it is putting a massive strain on everyone and is to be expected.

Swayingpalmtrees · 01/04/2022 18:30

Next time don't get involved in any conversation, thank them for the get well message and leave it at that.

ldontWanna · 01/04/2022 19:25

You know it's stretched and busy on a Friday ,even when you are there. So why ask? You knew already how work was. Did you expect her to lie that it was sunshine and rainbows? Or that they didn't even notice you were there?

worriedatthistime · 01/04/2022 21:18

I think they just answered honestly

Toottooot · 01/04/2022 21:50

You asked they answered. Dinna really ken fit the issue is?

Luredbyapomegranate · 01/04/2022 21:54

You are reading too much into it.

You asked them, they told you. Just turn your phone off.

Somuddled · 01/04/2022 21:59

I don't see how acknowledging that Fridays have been busy for a long time would be sarcastic. It's pointless now but I would have replied something like 'Silly of me to ask really, Friday's have been manic for months now. Must get some rest now. Will keep you updated on how I'm doing.'

Groo · 09/04/2022 15:57

You asked

bellac11 · 09/04/2022 16:05

@Somuddled

That definitely is passive aggressive. No need to make the point. OP shouldnt have asked if she didnt want to be told its busy, of course its busy

personally I never ask how things are at work if Im off sick, it puts people in a difficult position to either lie and say 'no its fine' so that you dont make the sick person feel bad or to say 'its dreadful' which is the truth and might make the sick person feel bad.

Silence is best

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