Ok ladies this is a really long one and its not an April fool - so get a coffee. I know I'm no saint in this but please try not to be judgemental, I'm not proud of myself
8 years ago met someone lot younger than me, he pursued me and eventually I gave in. We always acknowledged because of our age gap we could never make a life together but we had "fun" for 3 years before he decided it was time to find someone to settle down with, it was "expected" of him. Despite being with someone else he always messaged me from time to time asking after me, if I'd met anyone else etc, roll on2 years and he started wanting to come over for a coffee. Eventually we met up and he put his cards on the table, he wanted to see me again but not give up his relationship. Stupidly I decided what the hell, I'm not bothered about being in a relationship (family grown up) and if he wants to cheat that's his problem, and we started seeing one another again. We couldn't meet very often but we messaged one another frequently. We carried on like this for well over a year when the inevitable happened and she found out by seeing our messages while he was sleeping. She walked out, he carried on talking to me and we met up a week later. He said he felt relieved things hadn't been good for a while his friends knew he wasn't happy blah blah and he should have done something a while back but he didn't and now he has this mess. He spent the whole night telling me he loved me but also added you know we can't be together properly but I (maybe wrongly) assumed that if they weren't going to reconcile then we would carry on as before they met, I had no reason to think otherwise. All seemed good between us but next day he was constantly scrolling through his phone and was a bit distracted, I asked if anything wrong and he just said he was planning his work list, shortly after he left and I didn't think any more of it. We messaged a couple of times over next 2 days but I knew he had lots to sort in his head etc so left him to it. Roll on another week or so and I'm chatting to a friend on phone whilst casually scrolling through Facebook when I realise I've been unfriended!! WTF!! No warning nothing, obviously they are now talking and probably she has made him do this. I'm only off Facebook though nothing else. So I wait don't do anything, give him time and after a couple of days send a tentative message asking how's you - no reply. Leave it another week and then I message with screen shot asking why after everything he said and all our history was he being so mean as to cut me off without any warning or explanation. He immediately replied apologising saying he knows he should have spoken to me, his head is all over the place but they are trying again etc. I replied that was fairly obvious but he should still have come and told me rather than leave me to guess, especially after all the years and memories we have. Anyway he never replied so I left them to it. A week later it looks like he has deleted me as a contact in WhatsApp but not blocked
2 months later I get a message asking for my opinion as a woman do I think he's doing the right thing? I didn't see it until really late, replied next day asking what he meant and got no reply, a month after that he messages again - she is moving back in a few weeks and asking would I see him one last time for a goodbye!!! I was fuming and immediately tempted to forward message to his gf but sat on this for a week and then replied asking how he thought this could happen and again no reply. Then just recently he's messaged again asking for one last time!! I've not responded
He has massively hurt me with his actions, us being together long term in a "normal" relationship was never in dispute and he knows that I accepted that and I don't think with his family etc it would have ever worked if we did decided to make a go of it but we had respect, trust, love, belief and history between us or so I stupidly believed - that was clearly one sided. I don't know how he thinks I could meet him for a "last goodbye" and it all be ok, what planet is he actually on? He clearly has no realisation of the damage he has caused to both me and his gf, or care. The sad thing is there was no need for this, I thought a lot of him and respected and understood why we couldn't be in a permanent relationship, all he had to do was come and tell me what was happening or message if he hadn't the balls to speak, not just wipe me out of his life like shit stuck under his shoe and leave me feeling worse than a bad one night stand. Obviously I would be sad but I would have accepted it and wished him well and we would have gone our separate ways with happy memories of our times together
So what to do?
Friends think I should let her know he's been messaging me trying to meet up again because this is the only way he's ever going to realise the damage he has done and if I don't do anything I'm just letting him get away with it. He'll go off making his little life while I'm left devastated and with no closure.
I'm not so sure I can do that, I don't know her or her friends so it would have to be a letter and although I may be doing her a favour as it gives her a chance to get out before marriage, kids etc its still a horrible thing to do. Despite what I have been doing I am actually a nice person! Wouldn't it be seen as me just being vindictive? That said just sitting here doing nothing is eating me up, I just want him to know how badly he's treated me and needlessly too and have closure
What would you do?