Sorry for an essay but I need to write down my situation for my own mental wellbeing.
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have a 1 year old together.
I do 99% of childcare, running the home and planning any outings / occasions.
His top priority in his life is work, working all night (1am-2am). When not on his laptop, he is glued to either his work emails on his phone, answering calls or Sky Sports, including when he is having "daddy day" with our son. I've lost my temper with him on a few occasions for taking calls and being on his phone whilst our son is IN THE BATH because he is distracted. I've been in tears over the situation multiple times yet he seems to think it's fine and I won't go.
His second priority is keeping everybody else happy and trying to keep up appearances, namely with MIL.
A few examples include:
- Complete lack of affection unless he wants sex.
- Not being able to actually tell me the reasons he loves me.
- Not caring or noticing that we spend no evenings together, and barely any time together.
- Not planning any days or evenings with me or us as a family. Yet he is so organised at work.
- Agreeing to hosting guests over special weekends, without any consideration for what I want - sons first birthday and Mother's Day!
We have discussed repeatedly, with promises of change and improvement. It is like he does not acknowledge anything until the last possible moment. As my family have pointed out, he is consistent with his poor planning and has no sense of urgency with anything unless he deems it important. When he suddenly realises I might leave, the promises of proposals and marriage are brought up (with no indication of this ever actually happening). He does not take anything seriously.
I am at complete breaking point because of this. He makes no time for me whatsoever, despite frequently communicating to him that for me, our romantic relationship is strained / ending. He puts my unhappiness down to 'being hormonal' or 'difficult'.
This issue has been exacerbated by MIL staying over Mother's Day weekend. I compromised on having guests to stay despite the state of our relationship and that I had hoped we would have spent Mother's Day the three of us. The Saturday had gone well, until the evening when he was asked a simple question of "what are you thankful for?" And he said nothing. Huge tumbleweed silence. Then he was asked again, and made a joke that he was full from dinner. I was pretty annoyed even though it sounds petty, but it sums up his feelings towards me, and this is just one example of how he can't say or show any love or emotion towards me whatsoever.
The morning of Mother's Day was then just a normal day for him, and I was deprioritised again because they wanted to do a family call to his family abroad. They then went to lunch whilst I went to see my Mum with DC.
The final straw was I came home to find he was UPSET WITH ME because his Mum had chosen to go to stay in a hotel for the last night. Am I really the arsehole? I compromise, compromise, compromise and get nothing back.
I even suggested things we could do after his lunch, such as going for a drink just the two of us, a walk, anything! But no!
I've actually said to him the plan for me to leave, I've said what needs to change and set a clear timeline. Yet he still expects me to go visit friends with him this weekend? He seems happy to be in this bizarre friendship relationship for the rest of time!
I am emotionally drained and really dont see a way forward, yet he seems to think everything will be fine! He is bloody deluded!