To ask for your best teen boy parenting tips

[RubyRubyRubyDiamond]

Please. Based on the top tips for parenting children thread.

I have watched more football matches and listened to the rankings and details about players I have absolutely no interest in - but my son is passionate about it so I'm happy to listen. I also volunteered at his rugby matches, watched every game he was in. The travelling to and fro was often a good time to talk.
I find they need a lot of encouragement and bolstering. He's 18 now finding it tough (didn't go to uni and trying to find his place in the world). Covid was awful - any budding friends he may have made at college were dashed by lock downs and no work experience or anything. He has no father (deceased) so particularly hard. But I try and be there always no matter what. And love him no matter what. And remember they are their own people - what you may want or hope for them may not be what they want and you have to accept and respect that. Also give them privacy!

Always let them have privacy when they need it.
Food! mine was/is always happy to go for a meal- but hates shopping for clothes or shoes- so it has always been lets get you some new stuff we will go to your favourite restaurant for lunch once this is done.
Gaming- I'm a pro at a lot of games- especially driving games - not so good at shooting but his Dad is good at those.
I work from home so we always had/have a thing where he gets home from college and I take a break and we have coffee/cake and chat for 15 mins or so. This is always the time he tells me about any concerns or worries he has.
He is 19 now and has just secured a full time job in a field he has always been interested in so the days of cream cakes and coffee after school/college will be shortly gone.

I'm in the middle of it with DS (15). He's driven me to the edge a few times already. Had to have a very frank talk about sex, pregnancy and STIs far earlier than I expected. He fell in with a bad group for a while but seems to have moved away from them now.

He's like parenting a toddler in a giant hairy grown up body.

Car chats, and as much 1 on 1 time helps. He's also middle child and struggles academically, where child 1 and 3 are more able to express ideas in writing.

Some fantastic tips there.

Speaking with hindsight from some awful experience.
If they fall in with the wrong crowd or if the lovely group they were once part of become a weed smoking, truanting bunch of idiots-maybe don't fall for your son's protests that he's a leader and not a follower, that he knows his own mind and that he isn't like that.

Dont be afraid to do everything in your power to get your son out of the group.

Grounding. Enforced participation in Air Cadets or similar. Move schools if necessary and able.

In classics @wastedtwenties Best parenting tips you ever got

@Diversion

Teach them that no means no, to use condoms even if the girl says that she is using other contraception. Teach them about listening, about respecting themself and others. Remind them that no matter how embarrassed they may be that you are always there to listen and give advice and support. Teach them to cook, how to clean, how to budget. Encourage them to study or work. Let them make mistakes, but also learn from them. Give them hugs, laugh with them, be silly, praise them and tell them that you love them!

Teach them they are allowed to say "No' too.

I agree with all of these, and for my 14 year old exercise is really important too. I spend a lot of time driving him to swimming club and occasionally a swimming gala.

@mrsfollowill

Always let them have privacy when they need it. Food! mine was/is always happy to go for a meal- but hates shopping for clothes or shoes- so it has always been lets get you some new stuff we will go to your favourite restaurant for lunch once this is done. Gaming- I'm a pro at a lot of games- especially driving games - not so good at shooting but his Dad is good at those. I work from home so we always had/have a thing where he gets home from college and I take a break and we have coffee/cake and chat for 15 mins or so. This is always the time he tells me about any concerns or worries he has. He is 19 now and has just secured a full time job in a field he has always been interested in so the days of cream cakes and coffee after school/college will be shortly gone.

Totally agree that if you can sometimes be home when they get home from school, it’s your best chance to find out how their day really was! If you leave it a few hours, they’ve moved on and won’t always tell you stuff.

Ds was sick recently and I sat with him while he played fortnite. We had a great laugh. Aside from that just dragging them out on family trips out really, bribe if necessary!!

The best advice I was ever given was to never stop hugging my sons.

I followed this advice with my two boys - the youngest was always and still is 'huggy' but the eldest, once he got to 7 or 8 started to withdraw from affection unless I pushed (which i did) By the time he was a teen, he always pulled away from hugs as quickly as he could!! Until the time when he was really upset about something (think he was 14) and i held him and refused to let go - he broke down in tears, talked a lot and since then has always been more receptive to hugs from mum - he's 25 now and actually comes to me for hugs .

This is a lovely thread. I think I should start making notes for the future.

As others have said, lots of good and snacks, encourage sport to burn off energy, try not to stress about the small stuff.
Tell them you are on their side and they can talk to you about anything.
Google Cup of Tea Consent and buy them condoms

Some great advice here - I am taking notes!

Praise them for what they do and ignore the whinging! If I ask DS to help with something it's usually met with sighing and some sort of a whinge but he always does the task - so we try to ignore the chuntering and focus on the fact the he's done as asked.

Plan X - this is something we have 'in place' - never had to use it but I think it helps DS know how to handle/behave is some situations and that he can rely on us. This article explains it - bertfulks.com/2017/02/23/x-plan-giving-your-kids-a-way-out-xplan/

Get to know him as a person. Ask about his life and opinions. Properly listen.
Accept that your age and status as a parent doesn't make you the expert on what life is like for him, his generation and in his world, and that you have as much to learn as to teach.
Keep rules to a minimum and focused on the things that really matter, for me, personal safety and respect for others matter. A tidy bedroom doesn't. Have strong sanctions in place for when important rules are broken and stick to them.
Teach him that you matter as a person. You are not a mum machine.
Don't let your love for him turn you into his servant and enabler.
Model strong positive female behaviour. Nip any sexism and toxic masculinity in the bud with a sharp correction. What you sow another woman may reap.

Ask their advice on stuff they know about.

I think the hardest thing to do is putting yourself in their shoes - it is not easy being a teen boy a lot has changed (rightly so) but it has removed their known expectations. This generation of teens have further challenges in figuring out their place in life.

Be aware they can talk big but are at times horrified by some behaviors from their peers. They need to know you are unshockable and ready and able to support them through whatever comes their way.

Give them an escape clause, he can text me SOS and I am there and will play the "overprotective mum" if he feels not comfortable in situations. This was a piece of advice I got from Mumsnet years ago!

Tell them every day you love him.

Music, listen to their playlist. Enjoy being taught new stuff, don't be a dick about who they like and share your preferences.

Lay the foundations well before they are a teen.

I work from home so we always had/have a thing where he gets home from college and I take a break and we have coffee/cake and chat for 15 mins or so. This is always the time he tells me about any concerns or worries he has.

I was lucky enough to be able to work from home some of the time when mine were teens. I've long since said, if you can choose a few years to be at home more, this is FAR the best time. As babies, as long as someone is caring for them, it doesn't matter so much who, but as teens, they need someone thy trust implicitly to be able to open up to.

Another one I have thought of is to encourage relationships with young people you know and trust that are close to their age, but a little bit older that your dc. - maybe cousins or through something they belong to (Scouts, cadets, sports teams, etc). It is good to know they are with someone with a bit more experience when they start doing things without their parents.

Listen. Talk. Never shut them down when they need to speak, even if you don't like what they're saying. Keep an open mind and a hearty sense of humour because you'll need it. Let them banter with you and give as good as you get - my DS absolutely loves this and we often rib each other about all kinda if things, I think it keeps us close. Know about their interests and take an interest when they're telling you about something that's important to them. Manage your expectations. Allow them the chance to self-regulate their sleeping patterns, this negates so many rows over bedtime and they really do get the hang of it pretty sharpish if you give them chance, I promise! Look for the things you have in common and chat about it whenever you can. The late night chats are the best ones, sharing a natter and a laugh with a cuppa at the kitchen counter. Hugs. And saying I love you son, I'm proud of you. Even when they're 6ft and 19, they still need to hear it.

Loving these the SOS one is fab as is the hugs advice and I'd second that. Praise when they help . Mine kept popping home form uni when he went, Dh had been ill. After a late night chat it came out he was worried we wouldn't cope. Now we have sos in reverse but it's not been used. Let them know its OK to cry , be down , not cope but it's not OK not to ask for help. I frequently tell both of mine nothing is so bad we can't get through it together and we all make mistakes in life so if help is need talk to me. We have had a few not coping instances but talking through them got it sorted.

Exercise, food and sleep are really, really important!

Some really useful tips on here. ‘
Lay the foundations well before they are a teen’Unfortunately i don’t have the luxury of this.

@RubyRubyRubyDiamond

Some really useful tips on here. ‘ Lay the foundations well before they are a teen’Unfortunately i don’t have the luxury of this.

Unless your teen has arrived newly in your life, if you're the sort of parent who would ask this question, I'd say you already did.

Keep your fridge full.