Child maintenance ( domestic abuse)

[flopseyR72]

If you are split up from ex DP. You have DV proven in court. They only have supervised/indirect contact. You don’t want them to ever have anything else. Would rather they had no contact. You can manage without it. Should you claim maintenance for the sake of children through CMS or better to lie low hoping the other parent will disappear.

Hi OP. I would advise you to claim CMS regardless why should you bear the sole finicially responsibility? You can still claim until 21 is it? If your child is in education. Claim claim claim..

Yes I suppose I should . I was wondering if he is more likely to disappear if he wasn’t paying but I’m not sure. I think he thinks because I earn enough it doesn’t have to contribute. I’m think maybe I’m doing DC a disservice though and maybe I should claim and even put it in savings for them? Or use on extras etc

I didn't think paying maintenance had anything to do with contact with the children.
Why should he get away without paying anything for the children he co-created?
Make him pay, even if you put it away in a savings account for when your kids are older.

Yes I suppose I am hoping he will not pursue further contact and do courses etc because I don’t believe he can change.( life long issues and older) . I was thinking if he wasn’t paying he might forget. On the other hand it is the children’s right not my decision!

I don’t claim any maintenance, my ex is absent so I want nothing from him, it’s a personal choice though and I do believe in some cases it makes the person want contact as they think as they are paying they might as well see them.

It's not really your money to decline, it's your kid's. So claim the money and, if you don't need it day to day, put it aside for school trips, run days out, etc. Or better still - use it for day to day stuff as it is supposed to be used and save YOUR money for treats and fun. See it as your freedom pot.
Well done for getting away from him.

I wouldn’t claim in the hope he disappeared forever

Ahungrycatippilar yes this is the logic I’m thinking. Although he is not really away at the moment.
I’m hoping he will be.

I hate any contact with him . He has been give video contact which quite frankly is giving me anxiety attack thinking about it.

I know it would annoy him as he has always had the attitude that he doesn’t have any obligations as I have a good salary. However I know this is not how the CMS sees it.

Surely the best for your children is to have a relationship with both parents. The court sees it that way and has ordered supervised contact. This is normal and will move to unsupervised if no safeguarding issues. Put the best interest of your children first, open a case with CMS and promote a relationship with their father.

Yes the court says that but I don’t feel this is always the case. In that he has no order for progression he has too take it back to court. He has previous children emotionally scarred by conflict .I know the court always thinks this but it is not universally assumed to be correct

The court always say the same things but where is the evidence . I can’t find any. There are serious safeguarding concerns hence no progression. We all know the extreme cases where court orders contact ends in death. But what about psychological harm.

@drpet49

I wouldn’t claim in the hope he disappeared forever

I second this.

@lonelydad2021

Surely the best for your children is to have a relationship with both parents. The court sees it that way and has ordered supervised contact. This is normal and will move to unsupervised if no safeguarding issues. Put the best interest of your children first, open a case with CMS and promote a relationship with their father.

Yeah great advice to give when DV is a factor. 🙄The courts don't order supervised visitations without strong belief that non supervised visits would be damaging.

No comments from the usual FFJ representatives please !

On a positive note my experience of the family court has been positive in the end. Despite the horror stories on here.
They took mine and the children’s safety seriously enough to give me what I needed within the limitations of the law. The only problem was the delays but the outcome acceptable.

Mt circumstances are slightly different, but for safeguarding reasons I do not allow contact. I do not claim CMS for mine, as I do not want to risk provoking him into trying to pursue contact (which would be supervised). At the time of the split, I told him I would not claim but that if he wanted to contribute he could voluntarily. He has not offered a penny.

I understand the arguments about it being my childrens' money, but in reality any claim will be a tiny amount that we do not need and would make very little difference - I can give my children all they need. If I could not, I might feel differently about it.

Based on how his mind works, I know he would feel he has a right to contact based on making payments, and I do not want to risk him pushing this as it is not in the interests of my child.

Sometimes, it is best to leave sleeping dogs lie.

I don't know what to suggest really. It would be good to screw him over (in his eyes) by making him pay up.

Do you honestly believe if you don't got to the CMS he will leave you alone though? I think that's what it comes down to really, whether you actually believe he'll disappear (as opposed to fervently hoping).

I’m not sure he’s not going yet. He has done it before though someone else. I asked
Him if he was planning to pay but he never responded .

Also I’ve know idea what I would get. In that I don’t know how much he earns abs wether they take income from rental properties into account