Abusing social services and foster carers on SM

[bacardiandcokeforme]

It's about a family I've known all my life, still live in same area.
Recently a woman from that family died in tragic circumstances, the details are still under investigation. She was quite young and mum of 4 kids, so tragic.
The woman had led a troubled life and for reasons connected with neglect, putting men before her kid's needs, constant criminality (mainly for violence, racist abuse and drugs) all her children were put in care.
Since her death, one of her close relatives has been all over SM complaining about how the kids are being brainwashed, stolen from rightful family and so on. Lots of nasty abusive and comments directed towards social services as well as those currently looking after the children. I understand the kids have been moved out of area and are doing well in their placements, enjoying security and attention that they were lacking before because of their mum's chaotic and criminal lifestyle.
The abuse coming from the biological family on social media is horrendous.... They don't seem to take any grasp of the fact that their mum didn't prioritise the kids and that the kids were only removed as a last resort.
Their mum spent most of her short adult life in and out of prison and getting involved with one dangerous guy after another, all whilst leaving kids with anyone who'd have them.
AIBU to feel that it's unfair to bad-mouth the foster carers who are doing their best to pick up the pieces for these poor kids?

YANBU - but you know that.

Do you think anyone will say you’re wrong? Really?

However YABU to share these details further on Mumsnet.

Perhaps a concerned friend or relative is screenshotting and saving all these vitriolic posts. People should be very careful what they post on SM , especially if it involves young children. They sound like they are being well cared for, I hope they can go on to have a good and settled life well away from the nastiness etc

I'm not gonna mention anything that could be outing or would identify those involved.

I think it can be really difficult when in some cases, the parent is a victim as well - whether by domestic abuse, drug use that is the result of trauma, being let down by the system eg housing, mental health, financially etc. However whether or not the parent 'deserved' what happened to them is never a reason to leave children to live in abuse or neglect.

It is frustrating that people can put this stuff over social media without any real comeback, but I don't think there is any easy answer to that. It also creates a lot of worry for other families who have children under the same authorities service

Of course YANBU. SS aren't perfect, they are chronically understaffed and underfunded.

If the children had died in the same incident that took their Mum, it's likely the family would be blaming social services for not stepping in sooner to protect them.

With a tragedy like you're describing, people need someone to blame, and rather than looking to our own failings, it's easier to point the finger. And social services are an easy target.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Do you think anyone will say you’re wrong? Really?

So far 13% of people think the OP is wrong.

It's interesting that the family are being like that, when prior to the kids going into foster care, social services would've considered kinship care. So that must've been ruled unsuitable for some reason.

Sounds like social services did the right thing

YANBU what a shame for the children and hopefully they will thrive with caring people. It never fails to surprise me what some people will post on social media, they don't seem to have any sense of shame. Maybe things could have been different if the family had intervened and cared for the children

Honestly, she's the only one who will be looking bad as a result.

The thing is, however wrong her choices were, her family will still love her. She’s their daughter/ sister/ cousin still and they’ll have childhood memories too.
it’s not easy to both love someone and see their failings, particularly if your own upbringing or life is disfunctional.
Its a warped way of remembering her and expressing care.
you need to see it from that side, it’s not about the foster carers being bad or SS, it’s their pain and confusion talking.
It doesn’t mean it should be allowed, or that it’s right- but on a human level there’s something to understand

This

This

But what tends to happen is family members not deemed suitable get all upset and think that if they are not deemed suitable by SS, other people in the community will look at them badly. Hence the vitriol on SM to hide what they believe to be their inadequacies.

Exactly, I just wanted to draw attention to the fact that it will have been considered- because they have to!

It's the same as people on SM complaining they've had the children taken for no reason- there must've been reason, and either extensive or severe or no judge would order the removal, but they're not going to say that on their SM and social services can't respond- even when it gets into the media.

It doesn't necessarily mean they think she's wrong. Sometimes people vote the opposite when someone asks a ridiculous question.

The foster carers are doing a job. Its very sad that the lady died,and that her family are a bunch of inadequates, but really, who would care what they think?

All that really matters is that the children are safe and well-cared for, and that they feel that their foster carers care about them.