Best friend of 10+ years

[Rowrowrowyourboat2]

Hello,

My best friend that I know since I was 10 years old, has changed her behaviour towards me and others.

To put things into perspective, she is 37 years old and not in a proper relationship the last 10+ years. This is because she was utterly in love with her first boyfriend and since then she was hoping that he will return, believed that he is the only one and no-one else is meant to be for her.

I and most of her friends are now married with kids. Her only and biggest desire in her life was to have a husband (in particular her first love) and have many kids ideally many years ago. This never happened! She used to say to me that even if she has kids now, she won't be happy because she has already lost so many years!

A couple of years ago she distanced herself from another a very close friend of ours for various reasons, the most important ones being that the other friend didn't prioritise her and her problems over her kids/husband etc., she couldn't find time for her and also because she didn't agree with her choices (in particular she didn't like the behaviour of her husband).

Anyway, I am now feeling that she is doing the same thing to me. She is never texting first, never asking how am I, she completely forgot the birthdays of my 3 kids etc. She is always polite when I text her but never makes the start and never keep the discussion going.

I always text her first every few days to see how she is but we used to talk on a daily basis...

We live in the same city, she is my best friend, the one that knows all my inner thoughts and everything and this is all so sad and weird !!!

Please help... :(

Your lives are very different at the moment. She's not ended up where she thought she would be. I would give her some space. She probably regrets decisions she's made in the past. That said she made certain choices and so did you. It's not your fault if her life has worked out yet how she wanted it to.

Not worked out yet.

Thank you @Spanglemum.

What I don't get is that she can be honest and say look, I want to be on my own, I don't fancy anymore friendships with people who have what I always wanted to have, leave me alone and let me be with other single friends.

I would totally understand such a statement.

But the fact that I text her every few days and she always just says that she is fine and no news other than business as usual and is so polite and then don't ask anything or engage to a proper conversation is soooo exhausting...

I don't want to stop talking to her because I have no issues with her.

But why is she reacting so weirdly and not being upfront and honest if she doesn't like something on me or if something has changed?

she may be your best friend but you are not hers. just accept the fact the friendship has changed.

also u are unresoanble to expect her to remember the bdays of your kids

the most important ones being that the other friend didn't prioritise her and her problems over her kids/husband etc

She actually said this?

Have you spoken to her about it and asked if something has changed between you?

It's the only way you're going to know.

If she is feeling like you've outgrown each other, it's really difficult to communicate that. Often because the person feeling it has mixed emotions about it. Usually, they don't want to admit it to themselves and/or don't want to be cruel by spelling it out.

She may simply be in a funk. She might feel like she has nothing exciting or worthwhile to share. She might be depressed and feeling withdrawn.

Why don't you ask her?