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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don’t want him to testify, in case the guy takes revenge

27 replies

Cricketsareouttonight · 30/03/2022 21:07

Last summer, Dh was on the way home from
work on his electric motorbike, he was heading round a roundabout and was aggressively run off to the side of the road by a man in a car. Dh had to pull over and gestured/swore to the man. The man then parked the car up, got out and came over to Dh shouting aggressively and waving a cricket bat at him, he smashed his front lights and he tried to swing it at Dh who caught it and it snapped in two. Dh wasn’t hurt but came home understandably very shook up. My parents were staying with us at the time and after calming him down, he went to the police station and filed a report.
A few days ago he received the letter about this man being up in court and for Dh to attend, there were also two other witnesses who are due to attend. Looking at the information on the letter, this man is being charged for quite a lot and if convicted, could receive a few years in prison.
My first instinct was ‘Good, lock him away’ I still believe this, but thinking about it afterwards, I started to worry about what would happen if he was charged and then came out to seek him/us out at our home. We have a small dc and I’m just worried to get involved in it all. It states his full name on the letter and the witnesses names, I’m worried he could easily find out where Dh works or we live.
We live abroad, not sure if this has any bearing on anything, just so as not to stop feed, I’m sure laws may differ here.
How would you feel/what would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cricketsareouttonight · 30/03/2022 21:07

*Or where we live

OP posts:
user1471453601 · 30/03/2022 21:19

Say your son didn't testify, and next time the criminal did actually connect when he tried to hit someone. Say that someone died. How would your son feel then?

Last year my daughter literally interrupted a man raping a girl. The man knew where we lived (the attack happened outside our home ) but daughter gave a statement, did a photo fit and a line up. She was prepared to give evidence at his trial but he pleaded guilty.

Was I frightened that there would be reprisals? Did I wonder if daughter could, herself, have been hurt? Was I concerned that defence barrister would try to rip my daughter's testimony, and my daughter's private life, apart? You bet I was.

Did she do the right thing? of course she did. Your son has done the right thing, so get behind him and support him.

Original poster
Cricketsareouttonight · 30/03/2022 21:25

@user1471453601 It’s my dh, but yes, you’re right, it’s just scary to think, he sounded so deranged and if he could react the way he did to the original incident, I can only imagine how angry he’ll be if convicted/taken to court.

OP posts:
Piper22 · 30/03/2022 21:31

That’s a really selfish attitude. If you don’t testify he could really hurt someone else in the future, or worse

ParkheadParadise · 30/03/2022 21:35

I would go to court.
When my Dd was murdered total strangers came forward and testified in court.
The Man who found her took the stand in court and re-lived what had happened to him.
Unfortunately, we didn't get the verdict we wanted but we will always be grateful to the people who came forward.
I doubt very much he will receive a prison sentence.

springtimeishereagain · 30/03/2022 21:43

Give evidence.

The defendant certainly shouldn't be told the names or addresses of witnesses, but you could ask the police this. It might also be possible to give evidence behind a screen or via video link.

It's the right thing to do.

daimbarsatemydogsbone · 30/03/2022 21:46

swing it at Dh who caught it and it snapped in two
Missing the point but that’s unlike any cricket bat I’ve ever encountered.

user1471453601 · 30/03/2022 21:52

@cricketsareouttonight, of course you did! You were very clear. So sorry! I think your post just brought back to me the feelings I had when what happened here, happened.

It was most traumatic for the girl, of course, and then to my daughter, but I caught the aftershock of what happened, so I didn't read your post clearly.

Again, sorry

ScrumptiousBears · 30/03/2022 22:06

When I was in my teens I saw a man beat up a teenager really badly. Man life round the corner from me. My dad didn't want me to be a witness but I was insistent that I went to court. It's scary but it must be done.

Gladioli23 · 30/03/2022 22:08

I didn't think testifying in court was optional is it? I think they can compel witnesses can't they?

Original poster
Cricketsareouttonight · 30/03/2022 22:12

@daimbarsatemydogsbone I’m not sure, it was damaged from whacking dh’s front of the bike, I don’t remember the exact details tbh, but know it left him shaken

OP posts:
Original poster
Cricketsareouttonight · 30/03/2022 22:13

@user1471453601 No need to apologise!

So sorry your daughter had to go through that 😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Cricketsareouttonight · 30/03/2022 22:16

@Gladioli23 I’m not sure, it says he has 14 days to respond to the letter, perhaps it isn’t optional, in that case I’m feeling quite worried.
It has his full name on and the witnesses, so I’ve no idea if details sent to him will have dh’s name on?

OP posts:
Madrenetterhere · 30/03/2022 22:16

@ParkheadParadise my heart hurts reading this. If you were here I would give you a hug, if you would accept it. I don't know what to say but I want to say something....:(

Gladioli23 · 30/03/2022 22:26

So it looks like they can choose not to compel you but they can also compel you to attend if they so choose:

www.defence-barrister.co.uk/witness-summons#:~:text=Most%20witnesses%20attend%20court%20voluntarily,or%20other%20item%20at%20court.

Original poster
Cricketsareouttonight · 30/03/2022 22:31

@ParkheadParadise I’m so so sorry xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Cricketsareouttonight · 30/03/2022 22:32

@Gladioli23 I’m not sure if the same laws apply to where we are, I’d have to find out

OP posts:
DebenhamsHadSomeLovelyStuff · 30/03/2022 22:32

It's not selfish @Piper22, @Cricketsareouttonight is concerned and worried
Let's support them

AdobeWanKenobi · 30/03/2022 22:52

@DebenhamsHadSomeLovelyStuff

It's not selfish *@Piper22, @Cricketsareouttonight* is concerned and worried Let's support them
Agreed. It’s easy to sit behind a screen, safe in your home and post about how you would do this and you would do that, but if the reality possibly entailed any kind of attack on you and your families you’d also be quite worried and scared of reprisals.
Kfjsjdbd · 30/03/2022 22:54

There was this exact thread last night (about someone’s DD) and there was good advice given. Could he go behind a screen?

Jesusmaryjosephandtheweedon · 30/03/2022 23:12

@ParkheadParadise

I would go to court. When my Dd was murdered total strangers came forward and testified in court. The Man who found her took the stand in court and re-lived what had happened to him. Unfortunately, we didn't get the verdict we wanted but we will always be grateful to the people who came forward. I doubt very much he will receive a prison sentence.
I'm so sorry about your DD and not getting the verdict you wanted.
Funkyfraz · 02/04/2022 18:23

@daimbarsatemydogsbone

swing it at Dh who caught it and it snapped in two Missing the point but that’s unlike any cricket bat I’ve ever encountered.
OPs DH hulked out lol
Treecreature · 02/04/2022 18:31

If he can snap a cricket bat in half I wouldn't worry too much, he's a machine.

Divebar2021 · 02/04/2022 18:46

Well I suppose you need to imagine what kind of society you want to live in. Is it a society where people step up or turn the other way when shit happens? If your DH has an issue giving evidence in court ( which you don’t say he does) perhaps he should speak to the witness service or police to see if there are any other methods for giving evidence ( screens, video link etc) if that makes it easier. Otherwise check to see what actual information about your address the defendant is likely to have before making a decision.

Merryoldgoat · 02/04/2022 18:53

I would do it because if I was affected my crime I’d want witnesses to come forward.