AIBU to ignore his fake cry of pain?

[Angrymumm]

My 4 year old is an absolute nightmare, really really clingy, doesn’t listen to me, shouts/screams over me, will repeat things over and over until I give in etc and for some time now he pretends his knee or tummy or arm (mainly his knee) hurts and that he wants me to stroke it. He does this if I’m sat with him or if we are say, in a queue at the shops. As soon as he is distracted he forgets all about his mystery pain, 100% this is a fake pain for attention.

There is nothing wrong with his knee, he only does it with me, not his dad (we are separated) or at nursery and usually mixes up which knee hurts at the time.

I am sick of it, I don’t get a seconds peace when he is with me, im constantly doing stuff with him so it’s not like he isn’t getting attention, I just want him to stop his whiny voice about something hurting him!!!!

Do I just ignore it? Clearly, playing along is not helping at all! Sometimes I get stuck next to him for ages stroking his bloody knee!! He’s started doing it in the middle of the night too, im beyond exhausted ! Help

Have you tried saying to him he doesn’t need to hurt to get a cuddle/stroking,

Why he is so in need of gaining your attention? Was the separation traumatic for him? Do you let your exasperation with him show which means he has learnt it is the only way to get any attention from you?

@Fridafever yeah, many times, I say “if you want a cuddle just say, don’t pretend something hurts” and sometimes he says “nothing hurts, want cuddle” but majority of the time just screams in my face about it hurting, the looks I get in public!!

@TheSnowyOwl

Why he is so in need of gaining your attention? Was the separation traumatic for him? Do you let your exasperation with him show which means he has learnt it is the only way to get any attention from you?

I have no idea, I’m always here doing things with him, I’d understand if he didn’t get attention from me. He was sat eating tea next to me earlier and immediately started screaming “my knee hurt! Stroke it!!”

I do think his clingy behaviour has come from the separation and his early relationship with his dad, dad never wanted another baby and struggled with bonding with him for quite a while. We then tried reconciling for 18 months after the split, which stopped last summer, but he is still extremely clingy with me (he’s not clingy with dad at all).
He prob does see me exasperated yes, I try not to be but I have him 70% of the time and I suffer with my mental health so sometimes it does get too much

You could try reading 'How to talk so kids will listen' so you start to change how you communicate and he will also learn to communicate better and be more in touch with his feelings.
I read the original version, now quite dated, called Parent Effectiveness Training and it had a massive effect on calming down the household.

@PerseverancePays I’ve read that and I also got him a feelings flip book , which he enjoys, feel as tho the bad habits are really deeply ingrained 😭

Have you tried stroking his knee and giving the requested cuddles and kisses and then distracting him with something? Maybe a crazy story or a tickle game?