Page 2 | To feel angry that people sabotaged me breastfeeding my baby?

SlashBeef · 30/03/2022 17:58

I think those of us who had babies during lockdown had a really rough time of it. I had my baby in April 2020 and it was a very different experience to the one I had with my previous children.
Show yourself some compassion. It was a situation unlike anything we had experienced before. The support couldn't be the same as it had been. Forgive and move forward.

EnzoArzo · 30/03/2022 17:58

@Murdoch1949 Go into it with confidence, and most women can be successful attitude, and you will be able to

Excellent advice! And if she can’t manage it she can enjoy feeling guilty that it’s best for baby and she couldn’t do it and there must be something wrong with her - she didn’t go into it with enough confidence maybe and she should’ve been able as your (random person on internet) said so?

Yesiknowyes · 30/03/2022 18:00

I feel the same way about having to have EMCS. I’m still grieving that I “didn’t manage” with both my children and they are more than half way through primary school now. I was overdue with both, I didn’t dilate at all and I believe there was a reason for it, be that hormonal imbalance or the position in which they were in the womb. I had ZERO additional scans or checks to identify what could be the potential problem. It all reminds me of a conveyor belt. A waiting game until 42 weeks, then pumped with chemicals attached to the bed and split open after 2 days of nothing happening. I don’t put all the responsibility to doctors, Jim just saying… there was absolutely zero monitoring, zero checks and zero help in preparing for birth. And I was so called high risk.

EnzoArzo · 30/03/2022 18:04

Ladies please stop guilting over things that are normal. It’s normal to need intervention in labour and really wonderful to have it - in olden times you would’ve died. It’s normal to not be able to breastfeed - in olden days a wet nurse or relative would’ve helped feed your child. It’s great you can now use formula and yourself and your DH can enjoy bonding with your child through feeding it.

Look at your lovely children and think how great it is that they are there and healthy and you are there to enjoy them. We only get one life. Being breastfeed for a year or not doesn’t matter. Having a c-section or not doesn’t matter.

The breastfeeding zealots like @Murdoch1949 and hypnobirthing idiots have a lot to answer for. Taking away those special first times with baby by making mothers feel not good enough.

godmum56 · 30/03/2022 18:18

@EnzoArzo

Ladies please stop guilting over things that are normal. It’s normal to need intervention in labour and really wonderful to have it - in olden times you would’ve died. It’s normal to not be able to breastfeed - in olden days a wet nurse or relative would’ve helped feed your child. It’s great you can now use formula and yourself and your DH can enjoy bonding with your child through feeding it.

Look at your lovely children and think how great it is that they are there and healthy and you are there to enjoy them. We only get one life. Being breastfeed for a year or not doesn’t matter. Having a c-section or not doesn’t matter.

The breastfeeding zealots like @Murdoch1949 and hypnobirthing idiots have a lot to answer for. Taking away those special first times with baby by making mothers feel not good enough.

TheNameOfTheRoses · 30/03/2022 18:19

@Rainydayinspring yep I get it too.
Dc is now 20yo and still I feel crap about the fact I hadn’t managed to establish bfing.

I was taken by surprise at how important I found it, how much I enjoy feeding my baby. I very much started with the idea it was great to try but bottle feeding was awesome too. And I still felt guilty to nit have managed to do what is described as the most natural thing in the world….

HiKelsey · 30/03/2022 18:42

The grief is real. My DD went blue when I breastfed and it was agony for me to breastfeed worse than the Labour itself. I got no help, no support and to top it off she had a milk allergy which is why she went blue from choking on her vomit. I was told I was a new young mum that didn't know what I was talking about. I make a point to tell all my friends who are pregnant about all the breastfeeding support they can ask for are entitled too. And I hope if I have another I can have a breastfeeding journey that I wanted

Stellaris22 · 30/03/2022 18:50

I've been there and agree midwives know very little about breastfeeding. Mine would briefly latch, but not get any milk, at which point the midwife would walk away. I repeatedly told different midwives latching on wasn't the issue but they did nothing.

They have a script of 'you must breastfeed' but seemingly no knowledge of how to help in individual situations.

Saying 'don't feel guilty' is easy, but honestly, as long as your baby is loved, fed and cared for, formula or breast milk doesn't matter.

birthdaywanker · 30/03/2022 18:55

@EnzoArzo

Ladies please stop guilting over things that are normal. It’s normal to need intervention in labour and really wonderful to have it - in olden times you would’ve died. It’s normal to not be able to breastfeed - in olden days a wet nurse or relative would’ve helped feed your child. It’s great you can now use formula and yourself and your DH can enjoy bonding with your child through feeding it.

Look at your lovely children and think how great it is that they are there and healthy and you are there to enjoy them. We only get one life. Being breastfeed for a year or not doesn’t matter. Having a c-section or not doesn’t matter.

The breastfeeding zealots like @Murdoch1949 and hypnobirthing idiots have a lot to answer for. Taking away those special first times with baby by making mothers feel not good enough.

Totally agree with this!

LittleGwyneth · 30/03/2022 19:16

@EnzoArzo The most sensible thing I've read all day.

NoToLandfill · 30/03/2022 19:29

Fyi midwifery training does not include breastfeeding support.

If your midwife or health visitor knows any actual facts about breastfeeding it is sheer luck.

I'm sorry you were failed by the system.

SamanthaVimes · 30/03/2022 19:33

I’m sorry you didn’t have the support you needed.

Some IBCLCs will offer a breastfeeding debrief where you can talk about what happened/ how you feel about it with someone who actually knows what they’re talking about.

I’ve had counselling for another issue that I used to think about a lot and just being able to get the words out and have another person hear then and empathise was really helpful, my issue is much less raw now than it was before.

Papayamya · 30/03/2022 19:37

@MissMaple82one of the things I’ve come to realise is midwives don’t know much about breastfeeding

They do, they just don't have enough time to provide basic care to women let alone help with supporting breastfeeding. Due to the shortage of midwives and the pandemic most units are working constantly at unsafe levels- looking after more women in labour and postnatally than they should be, its scary really. MSWs should help support but sadly get pulled into just keeping things going at the bare minimum- it's a scandal and I'm surprised we aren't all out rioting.

Papayamya · 30/03/2022 19:43

@NoToLandfill

Fyi midwifery training does not include breastfeeding support.

If your midwife or health visitor knows any actual facts about breastfeeding it is sheer luck.

I'm sorry you were failed by the system.

The degree should do, it's part of the standards for qualifying

Theanswersarewithin · 30/03/2022 20:00

I grieve my breast feeding journey in my soul. It is so real. I’m surface level ok with it and I understand the components that caused my journey to end so prematurely but my heart hurts so much about it still. You’re not alone.

From another lockdown mama x

RedHelenB · 31/03/2022 10:37

@Rainydayinspring

All the way through pregnancy I was clear I wanted to breastfeed. One EMCS later and I couldn’t latch my baby on. I kept asking for help but as soon as he was latched on they walked away.

No one could come to the house as this was in lockdown and I couldn’t get support virtually.

My husband pressured me to formula feed and I had to in the end. Just still so pissed off about it.

Let it go. No point blaming others, just enjoy your beautiful baby.