To never want another relationship.

[alittlefickle]

I've had a few relationships now to realise they're simply not for me. I've been married, I've been engaged, I've dated and maybe I'm just not a person who can sustain something that can be so beautiful.

Maybe I am being unreasonable to expect honesty, loyalty, support and a relationship that's not abusive in any way (all things I indeed stand by myself).

I HAD so much love to give but my last one kind of killed that. Being single for 2 years now I really feel like I have no desire to be put through the pain and heartbreak I've experienced.

I've put myself back together countless times, sometimes it's harder than others, because I've been to hell and back being with men who initially said all the right things, but eventually turned out to be everything to told me they wouldn't be.

I'm now in a place where I am not crying or heartbroken, I don't feel I 'need' a man to complete my life.

A single life? Sounds good?

Single life is the best. Don't knock it if it works.

DD made this decision and has never regretted it. She has several girl friends who all feel the same way. These days women don’t have to be in a relationship, they can support themselves and have a good time.

I stayed single for 6+ years after both my significant relationships broke down (one of 10 yrs and one of 12 yrs).

Single life is great. Currently have a 3 yrs relationship which is great, but I'll never live with him or marry his. It's pretty perfect.

It's a great thing when you don't 'need' a man.

Partnering up alway means you have to make some compromises so I was very reluctant to give up that total independence of being able to do exactly what I wanted with not a thought to anyone else. I never felt I needed a man to complete me.

You say you have been heartbroken many times. Those men that you let in to your life saying what you want to hear but treating you poorly. You remind me of many of my women friends too trusting, hopeful and nice so instead of getting rid of them straight away at the first sign of poor behaviour they give them chances. It’s a boundary issue. I dumped boyfriends straight away at the first sign of anything I didn’t like at all.

I made the decision to stay single and was loving my single life, then my now BF (despite resistance from both of us!) walked into it and I've never been happier 🙂

Someone (on MN I think) said that you should be happy with your single life and only let someone into it if they add to your happiness.

Nothing wrong with staying single. I’ve been single for 5 years though different as not through choice, you get use to it.

I am pretty certain I don't want a relationship...or not a conventional live-together-get-married-share-finances-and-assets type of relationship, anyway. I could see myself in a long term relationship if I met someone spectacular, but where both of us have a lot of independence, do not live together and have separate finances but similar values in life, life goals, hobbies in common etc. I just don't see a conventional marriage working for me for various reasons. You do you, whatever works for you is great. Single life really works for me :)

I’m 53 and it’s a taken me this long to realise that I’m just not cut out for long term relationships.

@mdh2020

DD made this decision and has never regretted it. She has several girl friends who all feel the same way. These days women don’t have to be in a relationship, they can support themselves and have a good time.

Off topic, but I just wanted to say how lucky your DD is!

I’ve been trying to find single by choice women to be friends with for so long.I can’t find them.

If anything happened to DP, this is the way I would go. When I look at all the problems and disruption my exes caused, and the risk of predatory men looking for widows/divorcees with money and a house, I think more and more women are becoming quite cynical of what many men can actually offer them.

@SucculentChalice

Is it cynicism or realism?
I’d say it’s the latter.

Single ten years here. I never want to be at the mercy of someone else's moods, cheating and all round abuse again. Loving the peace and the ability to do what I want when I want without someone carping at me and finding fault!

Single for 7 years now since I left my exh. And I was a single mum for a few years before I met him. I absolutely know I don't ever want to be in a serious relationship or go dating ever again. I'm 45 this year, have DC, work, family, pets, a few friends (and currently one of them with benefits). I'm happiest like that. When my youngest reaches her late teens (she's 11 now), I intend to start travelling a bit, which I'll happily do alone unless any of my DC would like to come along.

@Darley368

Exactly!!!! Sounds like my history x

Wouldn't be for me, but each to their own. Nothing wrong with being single, but many people do seem to crave companionship after a few years. Not many people seem to be happy forever single...

Absolutely not BU

You only have to read MN relationship board for a couple of days to realise how vastly over-rated most relationships are.

It’s so fantastic that women don’t need men any more and can choose to be with them only if they enhance life (which most don’t).

Society just hasn’t yet evolved to recognise this.

I'm far happier single than I ever was in a relationship. Even though I think I was a good partner/wife. After what happened with my marriage I never want to risk my peace of mind for anyone ever again.

They say freedom is hard to love, especially if you' ve been used to having a safety net and become codependant, but once you do genuinely learn to love your freedom l think you' d be hard pushed to go back.
The biggest mistake newly single people make is panic thinking this is it, they' ll be on their own for ever and jump out of the fat into the fire.
Being single can be a beautiful way to live once you allow yourself the chance to enjoy it. Not being dependant or accountable to anyone else is liberating. "Those who fly solo have the strongest wings".
l see myself more as wild, free and untethered rather than single, single conjours up an image l can't relate to, as though l am lacking somehow or incomplete.
My advice would be never say never, life is full of surprises, and to know you will be absolutely fine whatever.

I agree with all of these comments.

I was lured into the false sense of security thinking I could (at times) rely on my long term partner, but when it came down to it, no, I was always made to feel guilty.

I appreciate me doing things for me and not having to worry about being resented.

Nothing wrong with being single. Perhaps if it was looked upon in a more positive way, there would be fewer people settling for poor relationships or worse.

I’m not single but the single life is great! I remember it well. Single people always seem to have have incredibly strong friendships and great social lives because they push themselves outside of the home so much more. You have permission to do whatever feels right for you. You do not have to look for a mate to be a whole person.

I feel incredibly lucky with my OH, and if I have to live with someone then I’m very glad it’s him, probably the only person on earth who could put up with me. But if/when he dies or we split up, I will be very happy on my own and would feel no inclination to “date” anyone ever again. (I felt like this 28 years ago when we got together, but we’d already been friends for 10 years before that, so it felt different, better, right.)