Dad & daughter issues

[Lisargh68]

Hi,
Was hoping for some advice!
I’ll keep it as brief as possible. Dad and I Divorced in 2017. From 2018 DD had issues with dad and dads on/off again GF.
Irregularly but, Included; pinning her up by her throat,
Threatening her,
bruises,
a Clares law report,
verbal and mental abuse, amongst others.
All explained away and denied.
Police, school & SS very quick to tell me to stop contact but, could only give minimal backing when it came down to formally stopping shared custody. So, this went on until Oct ‘21 when I stopped all contact for good. (DD is 9 now and no longer wants contact either).

DD self esteem is at rock bottom, school work and her social life have took a HUGE hit & we’re only just taking baby steps to build her back up.

Although dad hasn’t fought me on it, he hasn’t seen DD since the October however, LEGALLY allowed contact if he chooses.

Where we live we have infant, junior & high schools. DD is at junior school & come Sept ‘22 dads GFs child will be joining the junior school too. Is there anything that can be done to stop/prevent them joining this school and torturing my DD more at pick up/drop off? She’s already anxious about it already.
(She’s Formally diagnosed with severe anxiety and autism).

If I tried to get a restraining order in place? Or formally tried to stop all custody? AIBU in even considering it?
The other child is an innocent too & trust me, suffers in their hands as well. (GF has temporarily lost custody on a couple of occasions) so I don’t want upset the other child but, I have to prioritise my own and protect her as best I can.

Thanks in advance!

Move. Away. Really far. Your daughter at 9 has experienced way too much.

The first thing to consider- does your ex have parental responsibility for your dd and is he allowed to pick her up from school? If so, get that stopped immediately, before this child joins the school.

I actually second the above advice- move away if you are in any way able to.

God that sounds a terrible situation! I'd speak to the school to make them aware of the situation & ask them to put appropriate safeguards in place.

Who has been physical with DD, Dad, GF??

Move her school and if possible move yourself and her far away.

Get legal advice

Make the school aware

Provisions can be put in place that your daughter can leave via a different exit or leave later or be escorted out by a teacher or teaching assistant.

And arrive earlier for school to avoid seeing them

Find out where the cctv is

You can only get a restraining order with proof

Ask the school to let them no not to contact your daughter on the grounds of the school

Move school ( your daughter shouldn't have to but sometimes it's the easier thing)

Ask your ex to not let this situation happen

Ignore them, prepare your daughter to be strong

You could ask Gingerbread or Family Lives for advice but your situation sounds quite extreme. Very tempting to find a job elsewhere that you have to move for.

I think you need legal advice for this.

Your ex and his girlfriend sound like a disaster area, and a big safeguarding concern.

Move your daughter to another school, I know you shouldn't have to but I know what I would be doing to protect her...

I would go and see the Principal or someone senior in the first instance and see what they suggest. They might have a very reasonable way of handling all of this, but hear them out first before planning to uplift.

Good luck. Silly Ex. for putting up with this.

I would find another school for dd. All very well asking school to handle it etc, but to be honest I wouldn’t want to give them the chance then if they faff it up have to disrupt dd further. I’d just find another school asap.

Move

@Planetbippop Both GF and dad.

Essentially, dad gets frustrated that DD is scared around GF and it winds him up that he can’t manipulate/mould DD into what he wants her to be or how she thinks.
Alone they were fine, but DD has explained that dad ‘changes’ when GF is around, GF is the cruel one.

@urbanbuddha I haven’t heard of those, thank you.

School are very supportive and know all the above so I’ll speak to them first and get their take as well as some legal advice.

DD has already been up-rooted so much and I don’t want her to loose the few close friendships she’s got unless she absolutely has too (by moving - although this is what I want to do!)

Poor girl.
She even had to defend herself (and me) at school yesterday as dad is changing the narrative & saying I’m the bad parent and she’s an unruly child…Somehow this has got back to a child in her class.

Sighhh… How many moral high roads do we have to take?

You move, that's what you do.

Could you move well away from the area.So then no chance of seeing them.It would be difficult at first and hard when children have friends but in the long term a new start .Good luck

Well, I know it seems glib to say move.
But really that is your best option , followed by send her to a different school
The friendships may not last the change of school anyway.

Surely the best thing and only option for your DD would be a fresh start somewhere completely different far away from them?
I'd have probably took her and gone after the first incident but hey I don't know your full circumstance.
While it is horrible thinking of them in that situation the other child is not your responsibility and you have to put DD first.