Infertility

[Rymee]

Me and my best friend who have been close for years we have a child each ( I got pregnant after infertility and a lot of heartache) she has had no issues. She’s been trying for her second child a while and I knew the announcement was not far away so i had told her after what I’d been through to tell me through text message as, for anyone who’s been though even after having a child I still find I’m a bit sensitive with pregnancy announcements and having a second child is not an option for me. Last week she told me face to face, inside I was hurt but congratulated her, I’m more hurt she told me to my face after I said I’d rather a text so I have a bit of warning. I don’t feel like she’s a true friend or has any empathy for other people after this and want to cool the friendship for a while. Aibu

My sister can't have kids. She would never tell people what we to tell people ho to announce they are pregnant
You need to think bout that
I can't have more kids never once have I been sad when I hear pregnancy announcements

Given you’d specifically asked her to tell you my text she’s very insensitive to do it in person. No need for that at all.

It’s a shame she didn’t listen to what you’d said. I suspect you’re channeling your upset at not being pregnant again towards your friend when she’s just been a bit inconsiderate rather than really awful to you. Don’t do anything you might regret later. Take some time and think about what you’re really upset about. Your friend should understand if you want a bit of space from her pregnancy while you’re still struggling.

It’s totally normal to find pregnancy announcements hard.

YANBU
Having been in a very similar situation I completely understand where you’re coming from.
You were brave to be transparent with your friend and try to pre-empt the situation and whilst it is insensitive that your friend ignored your request, it is often the case that those who have never experienced fertility issues find it hard to relate and understand the impact of these seemingly small acts on us.
It’s very common to struggle with pregnancy announcements if you’ve experienced any sort of fertility issues, you’re not alone at all.
But this all said, I don’t think it’s worth potentially causing a rift with a good friend. I know exactly how you feel right now and very nearly made things difficult with one of my dearest friends as I couldn’t handle the situation… but I managed to navigate my way through her pregnancy, and now the first 2 years of her 2nd child’s life and I’m so glad I didn’t let my sensitivity to the situation ruin our friendship, now we’re out the other side of the baby phase. To be fair, covid did make it all easier as we could hardly see each other so I could keep my distance subtly.

I can imagine she thought she was being extra sensitive telling you face to face. Perhaps she thought you meant that finding out via an online post would be quite hard, and a personal text would soften the blow. So in her mind, maybe face to face was a step up from a text. Just a maybe, you know her better.

She probably thought she was being more thoughtful telling you face to face, even though you'd already requested a text. Did she tell you sensitivity?

I can't have children, TTC or almost a decade and had multiple MC. After my 5th MC I had a friend (who knew my circumstances) announce her third pregnancy with a text message saying 'just to let you know, had a little accident having a baby!' Which absolutely floored me with the insensitivity of the wording. We're no longer friends after drifting apart during that third pregnancy.

What I'm trying to say is, if she told you face to face because she was trying to be sensitive then I think you're over reacting. Lots of your friends and family will get pregnant. It's a happy exciting time for them. You need to hope they are a bit considerate on your circumstances (if they know them) but you can't dictate.

I'm with you op. Secondary infertility is a real thing for those that experience it and ignored by those that don't. I ended a fair few female friendships years ago when I was going through it due to insensitive brush offs. Best thing I did tbh never regretted it. You should speak to her though, tell her how you feel if you care and want to save the friendship. Best of luck