I am too ill and stupid to have a career. Can anyone relate?

[IneptBrain]

I'll be honest, I don't know what is just my innate stupidity and what is a decline in cognitive function. I have had a serious autoimmune condition since childhood but apparently was very bright, for a time. So nobody ever concerned about intellectual disability etc. My autoimmune condition has now progressed and I have several more, as well as chronic deficiencies in iron and vitamins.

I just feel so defeated. I can't make my brain work like a normal person capable of picking up new systems. I cannot stay organised. Apparently I have ADHD which does make sense, but because of another drug I take I cannot take ADHD medication.

As an adult I now seem to have lost my ability to learn, unless there is zero pressure, and then I'm quite good at researching something for example. But even then my brain cannot retain information the way it used to.

I got my Masters degree recently, thinking it would boost my confidence but needed so many extensions every time I got sick. So does it even really count as having completed the degree?

I just have zero value to any employer (or client, I have nothing of value to offer as a freelancer, it's just the same shit and failing and disappointing everyone) I CAN'T DO IT. I can't do anything meaningful, I hate every sodding thing to do with trying to convince people to give me money to feed myself etc and be a proper normal successful adult.

I just hate it all and feel at the end of my tether.

I feel like I need to make a big declaration to the world where I go "yes, I'm a useless waste of space economically, I know that, thank you" and crawl away to be left alone so people stop wondering what I'm doing work wise.

Except of course what I would actually love is to crack the problem and figure out a way that works for me, instead of wasting my whole life as a parasite. I hate leeching off DP although they reassure me they don't care, they just would love to see me happy and fulfilled as they know how miserable I am about being a failure. It's massively unfair of me to not contribute though.

Jesus Christ I just do not know what to do anymore. My life is streaming by and I have a shortened life expectancy anyway and I'm just fucking it up.

Please help, if you can suggest anything.

How old are you op?

My friend was struggling like you and turned out she was in menopause

I don't have any of the issues you mention OP, so I can't relate on that front, but I have found generally as I get older, my ability to multitask and retain information has significantly decreased. I used to be able to remember everything I had to do that day and now I get so overwhelmed by it.

For me, I've found that setting myself reminders in my phone is the only way I remember everything I have to do, and timers. If I have something like an invoice to pay for example, I have to do it immediately (or set a reminder) or else it doesn't get done.

DS also has ADHD (he's only 9) and is going to need a lot of support for general day to day management (he is medicated, but it only helps to an extent), so it's going to be a ca of finding out what works for him.

It might be worth joining ADHD support groups and trying out different techniques to keep you on top of things. It certainly isn't a lack of intelligence (clearly, as you managed to get a master's degree despite having ADHD - no mean feat!), but it sounds like you need to manage your ADHD more effectively.

I came to the conclusion that much as I would like DS to "just be able to do it", he can't and that's not his fault. He needs coping mechanisms and strategies, not berating for not doing things fast/well/efficiently enough.

Do not fall for the capitalist bullshit that your value in life is determined by your earning power. It absolutely isn’t.

If you had a wonderful friend who couldn’t work because of cerebral palsy for example, would you say they are a piece of shit & their life is meaningless just because they don’t have a job?

Being a loving partner, a reliable friend, a caring family member is so so so much more important. When we die no one says “Oh I’m so sad my wife/mum/sister/friend etc has died. They were so good with Excel spreadsheets!”

If you do feel like you want more of a “purpose” in your life please consider volunteering. It could be once a month or whenever your health allows. I work in an animal rescue centre and we have lovely volunteers who come in and walk dogs, groom cats, play with the ferrets/rabbits whatever! It is an invaluable contribution which does required a great intellectual contribution.

I really empathise with you on this. I was in a similar position. It’s so demoralising and just tears your confidence to shreds! I worked as a doctor and also an academic, until one day I had to admit I couldn’t do it anymore. I was incredibly high functioning, and able to mask my cognitive decline, until one day I couldn’t. My short term memory was awful, my comprehension was awful. I had multiple tests done, including brain scans, hormone levels etc. It turned out my brain fog was due to vitamin deficiencies. I think you need to look at optimising your nutritional status, if you are chronically deficient then this will be having an impact on your cognitive function. Also, if you have a chronic autoimmune condition, the inflammation/immune suppression therapy may also be contributing. I think the thing that helped me the most was letting go of the image I had of myself (which was highly rooted in my academic success), and accepting myself for who I am - which is more than just my intelligence. Just giving myself some grace for all the mistakes I was making, gave me more space to figure out what was going on and invest in my health. I am not at my previous level, but there has been a definite improvement. I am sending you positive thoughts and I hope things get easier for you.

I dont have any degree op so youre doing better than me actually dont have anything but know how you feel cant retain any informaiton either

Btw I’m highly educated and had a lucrative career earning big money using my “smarts”. I gave it all up to earn minimum wage at the animal rescue centre scooping up poo I’ve never felt more satisfied and happy with my contribution to society than I do with my crappy paid, no education necessary job.

@CallMeDaddy58

Do not fall for the capitalist bullshit that your value in life is determined by your earning power. It absolutely isn’t.

If you had a wonderful friend who couldn’t work because of cerebral palsy for example, would you say they are a piece of shit & their life is meaningless just because they don’t have a job?

Being a loving partner, a reliable friend, a caring family member is so so so much more important. When we die no one says “Oh I’m so sad my wife/mum/sister/friend etc has died. They were so good with Excel spreadsheets!”

If you do feel like you want more of a “purpose” in your life please consider volunteering. It could be once a month or whenever your health allows. I work in an animal rescue centre and we have lovely volunteers who come in and walk dogs, groom cats, play with the ferrets/rabbits whatever! It is an invaluable contribution which does required a great intellectual contribution.

doesn’t required a great intellectual contribution

@CallMeDaddy58 your words are very wise, and applicable beyond the OP.

By the way, OP, this past two years, pretty much all students have had extensions, our uni gave them automatically the first year of the pandemic and even now you can have a week without providing evidence, up to 4 weeks or more, even several months for a reason.

You are not alone and you are not useless, you are actually fantastic but you do need to shift your vision to see it.

I understand you - my IQ as a child was in top 2.4% and my home country’s government offered me a place a accelerated learning high school programme to enter uni at 15. In some ways being told I was gifted was a red herring as it never occurred to me part of my brain didn’t work properly!! We realised in my 50s I have inattentive adhd - I can be up all night doing something as I have terrible organisation skills. I’ve been doing a lot of research on inattentive adhd. The key thing is the low dopamine and there are ways to naturally increase it - 7 mins of excerise is one so we are getting a mini trampoline to bounce on for 7 mins when motivation is needed. Also I have started building up a community of friends who have inattentive ADHD traits. We are going to support each other and help each other with any sorting as it’s more motivating to sort our messy areas with help.
I think the key thing is to chase your positive dopamine surgers. Did you enjoy your masters? Maybe you are better suited to work in academia. It’s so important with ADHD to follow your passion as you get a natural dopamine surge then.

@PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn

How old are you op?

My friend was struggling like you and turned out she was in menopause

I'm in my thirties and recently had fertility blood tests including ovarian reserve, which all looked good and doctor very pleased, says I should respond well to IVF. I would have thought that hormone testing would pick up on menopause?

It did cross my mind before having those tests, though.

I feel guilty for even thinking about trying to do fertility treatment when I'm such a mess though. What kind of role model am I?

OP there is a neurodiverse mumsnetters topic under SEN board, come join us! There are quite a lot of people on that board with the same struggles with working / trying to get back into work and ADHD.