My DS behaviour - AIBU to ask for help?

[Abak123]

My Ds is 4 years old and has a speech delay, so does get frustrated which I do understand. He goes to pre-school 5 mornings a week and also has speech therapy at preschool. I work 3 days a week.

The afternoons I have off with him are absolute hell. He bites, pinches smacks me in the face. Today we were at a dance class, he attacked me in front of the whole class and continued to attack me all the way home in the car while driving. I am also 34 weeks pregnant and kicked me in the stomach.

My MIL and my partner also look after him the days I work but never ever get attacked. Why me?

I’m so low and dreading another baby now, as I can’t even cope with a 4 year old attacking me.

What's his behaviour like at pre-school?

What do MIL and partner do with him? Are they stricter? Softer?

I can only answer the 'why you' part, which is because it's very common for children to lash out at the person they are closest to because they can let their guard/mask drop them. So 'why you' is most likely because you are who your child is most comfortable with, although obviously not nice when you're on the receiving end of violence.

Do you have any HV or GP involvement? Is he neurotypical or is there perhaps something going on? Can you pinpoint his triggers?

He is well behaved always get good reports from preschool.
My MIL & partner takes him out for days similar to me. But never ever get attacked like I do.

Has he been assessed for anything other than his speech delay e.g. ASD? Is it possible he is keeping things bottled up when away from you and then explodes into your safety?

I suppose my initial thought would be that he has to try very hard at preschool and with your partner/MIL to mask or control his feelings, and then with you, his 'safe' person, they spill out and he lashes out.

The GP isn’t involved or the HV as he is well behaved for everyone else. It’s just like he has an issue with me only.
He seems to do it when he doesn’t get his own way or doesn’t want to do anything I’ve suggested or gets bored.
He isn’t like it all the time but most of the time when he isn’t getting his own way.

Is he jealous that you're going to have another baby? Does he dislike you going to work? If his speech isn't good, he might be lashing out because he's scared that you don't/won't love him when the baby is here, or that you go to work because you don't want to be with him. All kinds of things might be going through his mind.

@Hugasauras

I can only answer the 'why you' part, which is because it's very common for children to lash out at the person they are closest to because they can let their guard/mask drop them. So 'why you' is most likely because you are who your child is most comfortable with, although obviously not nice when you're on the receiving end of violence.

Do you have any HV or GP involvement? Is he neurotypical or is there perhaps something going on? Can you pinpoint his triggers?

Exactly this.

He needs to know that he is not allowed to hit or hurt you, or himself, or anyone else, OP. If that means holding his arms to stop him from doing so, then you need to do that. It sounds like he has a lot going on, is struggling to handle his feelings, needs the safety of knowing simple rules and that you will keep him safe.

I strongly advise active listening, 'special time' and as a priority, support and help for yourself, too. This is really hard and I'm sending all my best.

My middle child was similar, speech delay and challenging behavior that can still be exhibited today if we let them.

The only advice I can offer is strong consistent consequences and sticking by them. Watch his diet, sugar is a massive behavior changer for some children and lastly ipad usage.

One time we went cold turkey for 6 week with ipad due to behavior issues and im sure a slight addiciton.

Also pre warnings/talks are good.

For example: I want you to have fun in softplay today but if you hit mummy then we are going straight home.....and follow through with this.

How far behind is he speech wise? What do you do when he attacks you

Do you use makaton with him? I know a couple of young children with speech problems and sign helps them communicate so much

He is not attacking
He is communicating
Frustrating anger etc
Ask speech therapist to Iobserve Nd suggest something
Try visual schedules
Now and next
Get extra help