Not to volunteer my DoB to DC?

[DappledThings]

Have worded the thread title carefully as I do mean volunteer the information as in preemptively mention it, I wouldn't ever lie if directly asked.

I hate my birthday. Have done for most of my life. On my next one I will be 43 and I remember feeling deeply uncomfortable about it from 11 or 12. This isn't about aging, I'm perfectly happy about being older, I just hate attention, presents, fuss, the artificial nature of it. Being wished happy birthday in any form (spoken, card, song!) makes me want to crawl under the earth.

DC are 4 and 6. Love their birthdays, and others as they should. They are of course well aware everyone has a birthday but not yet aware that they haven't ever celebrated mine. They will ask sometimes when it is and I've vaguely said "Summer" then that time passes and they don't really think about it.

But I'm starting to feel I ought to let them know as they would probably love to make a card and sing. If they did I would of course be totally gracious about it and massively appreciate it, but really I'd just rather they never really thought about it which when they are older would save them a massive load of hassle trying to think of something I'd like when what I want is no acknowledgement.

Is it really that big a deal to just never mention it? As I sawy I wouldn't lie. If they are older and have a better understanding of calendars and actually ask I would just tell them. But if I can get a few more years of it just sliding by without this confusing them I'd like to.

It won’t ruin your life to get an ugly macaroni birthday card from your kids once a year.
Indeed. It's the mission creep that I'm trying to avoid. That if they start talking about I'll have the in-laws and my parents trying to get back on it as well.

I've had a decent run of years getting my own way. I probably do just have to accept that's not going to continue for ever.

As others have said I think you risk making it more of an issue by purposely not mentioning it - just give the date and they can make you cards/ cakes. That way they will grow up secure in the knowledge and understand the norms of our society in celebrating birthdays; I think we just need to accept that when we become parents some things just have to be shared!

I think you need to seek help to be honest. While it’s perfectly normal/common to not want a big fuss made on your birthday it is very abnormal to completely ignore it.
My kids are the same age as yours and they are nearly as excited about my birthday and my husbands birthday as their own.
I also find it very strange that they have no idea of months at that age, especially the oldest one. Don’t you ever tell her about things happening next month or anything like that.
You seem to be determined to drain joy from your children and project your weird hang ups into their lives.

@Smileyaxolotl1

I think you need to seek help to be honest. While it’s perfectly normal/common to not want a big fuss made on your birthday it is very abnormal to completely ignore it. My kids are the same age as yours and they are nearly as excited about my birthday and my husbands birthday as their own. I also find it very strange that they have no idea of months at that age, especially the oldest one. Don’t you ever tell her about things happening next month or anything like that. You seem to be determined to drain joy from your children and project your weird hang ups into their lives.

LOL. Somewhat of an overreaction. They have lovely big birthdays themselves, we have lovely days out, they enjoy DH's birthday and GPs' ones, they have lovely Christmases. They are far from having joy drained from their lives, that's hilarious.

We do talk about "next month" or "next week" but they still have only a vague idea of what that means. And would forget again. We are going to a friend's birthday in 3 weeks. They've been told this, and that's it's 20 days because they dont really comprehend 3 weeks. "Next month" is a pretty vague concept for them.

Thank you for not taking offence. I can be rather blunt in my delivery.
I think I’m just so shocked as my children are the same age as you and are obsessed with other peoples birthdays. I just don’t get how they haven’t realised you don’t have one.