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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop being the street post lady …

29 replies

Crazycakelady17 · 29/03/2022 12:36

Bit of background not to drip feed, we live in a Cul-de-sac of 10 houses I’m the only occupant who’s regularly at home during the day, all bar one work out of the home and the other works shifts.
It started off with my taking the odd parcel for the direct neighbours all fine it wasn’t often but it’s now worked into I’m literally the street post lady the local couriers know I’m in 95% of the time and don’t even try the direct neighbours anymore just knock at the intended house then walk over to mine.
It’s got ridiculous now I took 3 in yesterday, it’s most days too
I want to start saying no but really struggle to do so to both the couriers and the neighbours I struggle with mental health and quite severely hence my being home most of the time this includes periods of bad insomnia so sometimes go back to sleep in the morning after a bad night once my DD 13 has gone to school and am awoken a fair bit,
I don’t want to go into details about why I don’t want to keep up the current status quo the mental health/sleeping in the morning/being in my bloody pjs at 11am ..
Sorry for essay and I know No is a complete sentence on MN, I just don’t want to ostracise myself from the neighbours even more and what do I do put a note through the doors? Bit extreme? WhatsApp group but not everyone’s on there, This has really been affecting my mental health and anxiety

OP posts:
Silversprinkles · 29/03/2022 12:40

Don't say anything to neighbours or make a big deal out of it.
Just stop answering the door.
And put a discrete notice up saying you will currently only accept parcels for your own address. (Can say something like due to being on work calls if you want, but you really don't need to justify this to the couriers). They will quickly get the message and stop hassling you.

LemonMuffins · 29/03/2022 12:40

Can you put a note on your door saying you'll only accept deliveries addressed to you?

CanIHaveASnaaaaak · 29/03/2022 12:40

It’s a tough one, can you get the message out that you can’t keep taking in parcels and ask neighbours to place orders for dates they are in. If they still take the mick, refuse to take them in.

The message will get through eventually.

BettyOBarley · 29/03/2022 12:45

I agree with the note on the door.

If a neighbour ever says anything (which I'm sure they won't) just say sorry nothing personal but it just got too much taking them in for everyone, it wasn't convenient.

lanthanum · 29/03/2022 12:45

Put a note on your door - either long-term, or just put it on when you want a lie in saying "sorry, cannot take other people's parcels today". Once it's happened a few times, the delivery drivers will start trying other houses. Your neighbours won't necessarily even know - even if their parcel goes back to the depot they'll just assume that you were out.

underneaththeash · 29/03/2022 12:46

Just put a note on the door explaining that you're not able to take in parcels for anyone else at the moment. (and then don't answer).

Akire · 29/03/2022 12:49

You shouldn’t not be able catch up on sleep because your neighbours are not in to collect parcels. Favours are fine unless they have a negative effect on you. I’d put up sign saying working from home can only take parcels for number X.

Or put notes through all doors saying you now work from home and can’t keep getting 10-20 parcels a week for everyone. I’m in flat I constantly get buzzed by the post man or delivery to let them in because others are out. I’m a disabled and often wakes me up when I’m resting. I’ve started taking phone off hook unless I’m expecting a delivery.

YoYoYoYoSup · 29/03/2022 12:49

Nominate a safe place for your own parcels so the courier leaves them there (ours is a small wood store out the front of our house but we live in a very safe area) and then ignore the door/switch off the doorbell etc. They'll soon get the message.

Lou98 · 29/03/2022 12:53

I would personally put a note on the door saying "please do not disturb" or "can't take any parcels not addressed to me" or similar. You can either put it up all the time or put it up before you go for a sleep/days when you don't feel up to it etc.

I'd then switch off the bell if you have one and ignore the door.

It saves you having to have the awkward conversation but still lets the couriers know you won't take them in any more

Original poster
Crazycakelady17 · 29/03/2022 12:53

I could put a note on the door however they walk down my drive to my door see me sat there so I either blank them don’t think my Anxiety would cope with that or run into the dining room or sit with the blinds shut.
I know the mental health is my issue and I’m really working on it with my CMHT I might just have to do it as some kind of exposure

OP posts:
Summerhouse1998 · 29/03/2022 12:57

For all they know you could be working from home, doing zoom meetings etc, and not able to answer the door.

Like others have suggested, put a note up saying you are working from home and can be disturbed if it's a parcel for your household only.

Just don't answer the door anymore.

Summerhouse1998 · 29/03/2022 13:00

@Crazycakelady17

I could put a note on the door however they walk down my drive to my door see me sat there so I either blank them don’t think my Anxiety would cope with that or run into the dining room or sit with the blinds shut. I know the mental health is my issue and I’m really working on it with my CMHT I might just have to do it as some kind of exposure
Just a suggestion regarding the postman walking down the drive and seeing you sat there - could you buy some nice voiles / net curtains to give you a bit more privacy, so you don't feel like you're on show?
thingymaboob · 29/03/2022 13:01

We were like this- my husband WFH and is so nice and a people pleaser we would have so many packages over the week. 10+ years this has been going on for. He'd complain so much but would always accept. We'd get packages too so he'd have to open the door to check if it was for us. I was recently having labour contractions (a couple of days before my c-section) and we were in the car outside house with our DD4 and the Amazon guy had a load of packages that he asked my hubby to take and DH said yes and started the taking packages in the house. I got out the car and screamed "I'm in labour, we are just about to have a baby! I don't want the neighbours coming over to get packages, we might even be in hospital!" Anyway, since I'm on maternity leave, I refuse all packages for neighbours. I'm absolutely sick of it. I will make an exception for my elderly next door neighbour but many of the residents on our street don't even say hello to us. Just refuse or don't answer the door. It's not your job!

Cantbebotheredwithausername · 29/03/2022 13:03

You're obviously absolutely reasonable to prioritize your own mental health over your neighbours' parcels.

I'll joint the choir of people suggesting to put a sign in the door, and then just not answer your door if they try anyway.

I hope you can find a way to work with your anxiety on this one. If you're sleeping, you simply stay in bed. That's nobody's business, anyway. Otherwise, stick to what you're doing, ord remove yourself from the room if you need to when you see the delivery truck.

You could also slip your neighbours a small note asking for parcels to not be delivered to your house, if that feels less anxiety-inducing. No explaining needed. Whichever way you choose is completely reasonable.

Darkstar4855 · 29/03/2022 13:03

I would put a sign on the door saying “In a meeting, please do not disturb” and then not answer. They’ll soon give up bothering you if they don’t get a response.

Clymene · 29/03/2022 13:06

Just say no to the courier. I ended up doing this because I wfh and they order a constant stream of stuff when they're both out all day. Fuck that for a laugh. I'm not their parcel depot.

You will find the couriers will be very sympathetic and understanding. But if you truly can't face talking to them, put a note on your door saying that you will not accept parcels for other residents.

Job done

Clymene · 29/03/2022 13:07

They = my next door neighbours. No one else does it.

Baggingarea · 29/03/2022 13:10

I basically now only accept parcels for my ndns. Anyone else I just say to the postie “sorry I don’t know them” if they ask if I can take it I just say “sorry no”. This has become my policy after one neighbour I barely know knocked on the door said “you’ve got my parcel” and left without saying thank you. You need to set a boundary (but take in parcels for some ppl in case you ever need the favour returned). It’s very unlikely that anyone will raise it as an issue.

Blossom64265 · 29/03/2022 13:31

Telling your neighbors is pointless as they have no effective way to communicate with the couriers. Just put a note on your door.

We have a note on our door about deliveries because of Covid and having a vulnerable household member. I felt really self-conscious about it at first and I have bad social anxiety, but it was necessary and it has been so helpful. We get tons of deliveries since we don’t get out much and the couriers have all been really respectful about following the social distance delivery rules.

Cervinia · 29/03/2022 13:33

Don't say anything to neighbours or make a big deal out of it.
Just stop answering the door.

^ This!

SeaToSki · 29/03/2022 13:41

Can you out a sign on a wooden stick at the end of your driveway, so they dont walk down unless its for you?

Thumpkin · 29/03/2022 14:31

This is becoming very unfair on you and you have been given the role of postal ‘safe place’ for the entire street without you wanting to do it. It’s one thing taking in the odd parcel but another to be the daily signee for multiple households. Of course you must be able to sit and relax / sleep at home without worrying that you’ll be disturbed.

I would do two things: 1) put a note on the door saying please don’t ask me to take in parcels for neighbours; 2) post in the group chat that the parcel delivering has escalated so that you are answering the door multiple times a day to take in / hand over parcels that aren’t for you and it’s become disruptive to you so you are no longer going to accept deliveries which aren’t yours. This means that anyone who has nominated you as their preferred ‘if I’m out’ option will need to make another arrangement.

People can’t just keep assuming this arrangement will work forever and that you don’t have a say in it! It’s convenient for everyone else but you, so it needs to stop!

LookItsMeAgain · 29/03/2022 14:49

Let the delivery person come up to your door and when you answer, let them know that you will no longer be able to take parcels in, except those that are specifically addressed to your address. No more parcels for the neighbours. Depending on where the neighbours are ordering from there may be a few delivery companies involved so a few times you'll have to say it.
When you think you've got them all covered, pop the note up on the door saying "Only deliveries for this address will be accepted. Do not knock. Do not ring the door bell"

You may find that if you look at the delivery sticker that is on the package/parcel, some of these neighbours may have included "If no response from #2 (as in their home), please leave with #12 (as in your home)". That would be very cheeky but I wouldn't put it past them.

IncompleteSenten · 29/03/2022 14:54

You do need to put a big note on the door that says you won't take in parcels for other addresses. You can get privacy film for your window. It doesn't reduce light but people can't see in.