My practice nurse now leaves me the hell alone about diet after my You're Getting Old So You're Bound To Get Diabetes And Die appointment.
'What we need to do is stop eating all those biscuits, chocolate, cakes and pies we all love so much and have skimmed milk/low fat yoghurt/diet spread/lots of pasta and cereals'.
Umm, you know the bit on my records that says I'm Celiac? And the one about being both Lactose intolerant and having a cows' milk allergy?
'Takeaways?'
Celiac.
'Not even chips from the chip shop or a Chinese?'
Absolutely not. Cross contamination.
'What do you eat, then?'
oh, I wonder that myself when I search the supermarket for ingredients/something I can actually eat on many occasions
Lunch is usually something like Salmon or Tuna, steamed rice, salad, avocado, boiled egg, then dinner is normally some sort of meat with more rice, rice noodles/potatoes and vegetables or jacket potato, weekends are when I have Bacon/Avocado/Egg on GF bread, some sort of curry -
'Ah, that's all very high in fat. The fish is called Oily for a reason and avocadoes are very high in calories like the bacon and the eggs will give you high cholesterol. What about having some porridge and honey or buying some pancakes?
Some Celiacs can't have any oats, either, not even gluten free ones because they contain another protein very similar to gluten. And don't pancakes usually contain flour and milk?
'And curries are very high in fat, especially when you buy all the sides as well'
Not in mine. Couldn't eat the sides if I wanted to, either. You know, gluten. And I have lost over thirty kilos since my diagnosis.
'You could try some exercise, maybe making sure you do a thousand steps a day?'
Oh, I've got that on my Fitbit. A slow day is 8,000-odd, most days 12-plus before I go to the gym or for a run.
'OK, well here's a booklet from the BHF that gives you loads of advice what to eat and what to avoid - what, THIRTY KILOS?'
Yup.
'Are you sure you mean kilos and not pounds? Because that would be amazing, anyway'
Absolutely positive. You're the person who weighed me both times.
'Maybe I should be asking you how to do it, then?'
[polite smile not telling me I'm doing this all wrong would be a start ]
I got home and read the booklet in case there was something useful in it. Basically, I need to stop eating things I don't eat in the first place. Eat both more and less of the things I can, start eating loads of things that I can't eat and increase the amount of ultra high processed items from next to nothing to at every meal. And I need to start doing as much exercise in a week as I've already done by about 10.30am on a Monday morning.
She was still better than the NHS dietician I saw twenty years ago who recommended that I filled my plate with pasta, as little chicken breast as possible and bought diet ding dinners whilst avoiding the horror that was salt and butter.