To wonder if it was my fault..

[seamonkeys]

Where to start. Split with my ex after 10 years a few months ago and me and the kids (5 year old and 6 month old) moved out.
I applied for universal credit, got job interviews, started seeing someone else (who has been nothing but lovely)
Ex said he wanted to talk, so I agreed.
There's were his points why he ended it

• his tea was never ready for him (he WFH and said he preferred to cook, when I do cook he hovered over me and for the 9 months of pregnancy I had hyperemesis)

• I gave up work to be a 'housewife' but I wasn't a good housewife. I didn't do much with our eldest apart from sit him in front of the tv while I sat on my phone

• because he earns a good wage I didn't have to work or worry about bills and I didn't appreciate it

• I made his parents feel 'outcast' (they chose to move to Cyprus so we barely saw them)

• when he said he was leaving before I went on tinder and he found out. He said he "can't get over' this and the fact I spoke to other males in messaging sometimes.

• I wasn't affectionate and he didn't get much sex ( he would sulk if I turned it down)

• I didn't support his hobbies (he plays paintball at £80 a go once a month)

• I didn't support his career. I was jealous he had a career and hobbies and I didn't.

• i didn't care about the kids!

He then cried and said he had nothing as he moved up here for me, but can't be miserable as he was with me and during his this talk I didn't say the "right things" (I think he wanted me to cry say I was sorry and I'd have his tea on the table every night)

I actually felt ok and was enjoying life a bit again and dates with the new guy until this. Now this has messed my head up.

Was I so in the wrong? If he didn't want me why say all this?

There's no chance anyway dear because you're an arsehole....

Only you can know if there is truth in what he said, all these posters calling him names don't actually know what went on in your relationship. If a woman said a man was the sahp but just stuck kids in front of tv all day while playing on his phone posters wouldn't be supporting him.

It's clear the relationship is dead but please be careful about jumping into a new relationship.

I did have days where we would just stay in the house while I did housework or had lazy days on the sofa. But I did also take him to groups, we tried swimming, we'd go for walks or to the park, or just a walk round the shops. When he was 18 months we moved to a really rural area where there wasn't as many classes locally. Then when he was 3 obviously lockdown came in. He's now in reception and his teacher just told me his reading level is the highest in his class and way above average, so it clearly didn't do him any harm.
I maybe didn't have his tea ready when he walked in every night but I did all his washing, ironing (he very rarely re wore stuff, think I ironed 17 shirts in one sitting once) kept the garden nice, picked up the dog muck etc, picked up his clothes he would just leave on the floor, kept the bathrooms clean.. stuff he just didn't see I don't think.

That's his interpretation of your relationship, it doesn't mean it's accurate you have your view and if you are happier single then don't go back. It's usually a mixture of reasons why a relationship fails with fault on both sides and there's always plenty to be learnt from a break up but don't let this define you. You deserve to be happy with the right person.

- his tea was never ready for him (he WFH and said he preferred to cook

‘I’m fed up of cooking and didn’t appreciate it’
- I gave up work to be a 'housewife' but I wasn't a good housewife

‘I’ve just found out that housework is hard work and never ending m’

- because he earns a good wage I didn't have to work or worry about bills

‘I still have to pay bills and can’t complain about it to anyone else’

- I made his parents feel 'outcast'

‘My parents complained I never see them and I used to blame you’

- when he said he was leaving before I went on tinder and he found out. He said he "can't get over' this and the fact I spoke to other males in messaging sometimes

‘I’ve just discovered dating is difficult when I used to get sex at home’

- I wasn't affectionate and he didn't get much sex

‘I’m now not getting any sex and it’s still your fault’

- I didn't support his hobbies (he plays paintball at £80 a go once a month)

‘I’ve realized playing paint ball is expensive now I can’t afford it, but I’ll blame you for that as well’

- I didn't support his career. I was jealous he had a career and hobbies and I didn't

I now have to look after myself, cook clean and do washing and shopping, and that’s your fault’

- i didn't care about the kids

‘I’m struggling to have the kids 50/50 but I’ll blame you for that as well’

When i left my ex he had a huge long list of all the things that were wrong with me. Made me wonder why he wanted me back so bad if i was such a terrible person!

He's jealous of you moving on without him and he wants to come back .
Ignore the saddo, he needs to get a life just like you have finally got one .

@BluebellsGreenbells that's brilliant!

OP, he was hoping to bully you into being a 50s housewife and you've got on with your life instead. You don't owe him explanations or anything else. Next time he starts whining, say 'tough shit'.

Enjoy your life.