This is why I don’t usually celebrate birthdays

[NoneBirthdayParty]

Parent is moaning because I want to celebrate my big birthday 2 weeks after the actual day. Due to work and school, DDs contact with her dad, parties for DDs birthday (and probably friends too), events with Brownies and just general life my birthday falls slap bang in the middle of two very busy weeks so there is no time to celebrate mine.

So I’ve set a date for 10 days after. It’s my weekend with DD, my friends and their children are all available so DD can have fun while I chat to my friends, my other parent wants to celebrate then, it’s literally the perfect date. It’s also just before the school summer holidays so should be nice weather.

But this parent keeps going on about how it won’t be my birthday anymore, and I should just cancel something to fit a celebration in on the nearest weekend to my birthday, even if that’s DDs court ordered contact with her dad or her Brownies events or her party (it’ll be her first ever proper birthday party due to covid and she’s super excited).

Parent has said if I make it 10 days after they won’t come because it’s not my birthday, and they will expect to see me on my actual birthday not at my “not birthday party”. I’m working on my actual birthday and it’s a school night so was just going to get a takeaway once DD was in bed then a long soak in the bath.

I wanted a low key event anyway, BBQ in a family members garden and a nice cake with probably only 12-15 invited mostly family but a few friends – family members garden is massive, more like a field and there’s no neighbours nearby to upset or complain – the one neighbour nearby my family member knows well and would probably invite them (and as it’s their field/garden I am happy with that).

So AIBU to celebrate 10 days later or is my parent right and I should cancel something of DDs?

Happy to be told IAU

Sounds very sensible to rearrange for another day. Parent is being ridiculous. Even little kids understand that they don’t always celebrate on the actual day, but at the weekend after etc. Leaving it until your DC and friends can all be there makes much more sense than squeezing in a short one on a school night. Demanding parent needs to grow the fuck up!

Your parent is being ridiculous, to the point of unkindness.

Have a wonderful party. If they’d rather sit at home, that’s their look out.

That is really odd (immature?) behaviour from a parent. Are they always this coercive when trying to get you to do things their way.

Ignore them and have your lovey sounding gathering at a time which fits your busy life. If they don't want to come that's up to them and they won't get much time with you on your actual birthday if you are working.

Go ahead with your plan. It sounds much better than trying to squeeze something into an already busy time.

Moaning parent can attend, or not, that's their decision.

Parent has said if I make it 10 days after they won’t come because it’s not my birthday

This is so weird. I would just tell them not to come then! I can’t believe any reasonable adult making a thing over this.

They can be very stubborn and set in their ways, often it's their way or not at all. I'm used to it now.

My parents aren't together anymore so it's not even as if I can get the other parent to persuade them.

I’d find this quite upsetting. It’s your day and not about what they want. Have they form for being critical of your choices? I ask because I think it’s a shame you’re entertaining the idea that YABU and wonder if this is a bit normalised for you.

@Barrawarra

I’d find this quite upsetting. It’s your day and not about what they want. Have they form for being critical of your choices? I ask because I think it’s a shame you’re entertaining the idea that YABU and wonder if this is a bit normalised for you.

@Barrawarra Yep everything I do is wrong, everything from letting my DD see her dad (it's court ordered I have no choice) to the way my hair is (apparently it needs volume and I don't wash it enough).

I would be so blasé in my response to then on this.
'Ah never mind then parent. I'm busy on my actual birthday as I mentioned. I'm at work and then I'll be having a quiet night in the bath with a glass of wine and some music so I'm not going to be available. The invite remains open for x date to come to my party if you change your mind. Smile'

Well sounds like you’ve got one less mouth to feed on the day. They can rock on. My kids - that is, immature children at infant school age - have had birthday parties two or three weekends away from their birthday, because of Real Life.

Go ahead and enjoy your day without this fun sponge sucking the life out of the party. They're an arse.