PIL favouritism

[lendmesomesugar]

Anyone else's in laws financially favour their husbands brother and wife?

I never used to be as resentful a person as I feel I am now and could do with advice. My PIL blatantly show favouritism towards BIL and SIL. By this I mean, moving 100s miles away from my family to be close to them and their young children; paying for their entire £35k wedding and honeymoon business class flights whilst refusing to contribute to our wedding; paying for countless expensive holidays for them both; paying off £30k gambling debt; paying £1000s for household items and most recently going into business with BIL as he's fucking up his current business and they 'need to keep an eye on him'. He's a grown man in his 30s, not a child. This all started when we were financially comfortable and they weren't but it's still continuing now things have changed.

I really can't take anymore. They know how we feel about this but I feel saddened by their latest move going into business with him especially as my DH has had a really bad time financially with his business and they refused to offer any financial help or go into business with him.

What should I do? Would you be annoyed by all this? Should I get a grip? Should I try to rise above it or go low contact?

IME all you can do is go low contact. You can’t change the dynamic and it will just make you feel bitter

I'm your DH in this scenario and I'd be disgusted by them. I'd assume my DH will be disinherited and would need support when the time comes. I'd want to know how he felt, how he was coping, and what kind of support he wanted from me.

My PIL gave their golden child (daughter) £200k towards her house and paid for the renovations. They provide ALL childcare. Five days. She only works two days. We were in financial distress (short term) and they begrudgingly agreed to loan us a couple of grand, and rapidly demanded it back with interest. My poor H hadn’t ever realised the screaming inequality, until I’m afraid I pointed it out.

Sadly it’ll never change, it just hurts him now. I’m not sure I did a good thing by mentioning it. It makes me absolutely livid though. They’re so judgmental of us and don’t like me much as I’m too opinionated. Their favouritism extends to the grandchildren too. They’re obsessed with her kids. And I mean obsessed.

My DH is annoyed by their actions and shocked by the recent development. He's much more laid back than me but currently not wanting to see or hear from them.

I hope no matter what happens in the future, I would always treat my children equally. This is far from that.

Take the lead from your DH, let it go and walk away. He's had a lifetime of this kind of behaviour, and it always escalates. The gestures towards the golden child become bigger and more flamboyant; presumably to provoke a reaction from the scapegoat child so they can all agree how terrible he is and how they were right to treat him differently.
Let it go. It will eat you up if you let it.

I really don’t understand how people know all the ins and outs of other people’s finances.

BIL really isn't a nice person. Cheated on her many times which we've had to keep quiet about, gambling thousands and now doing lots of cash in hand business so tax evasion. PIL love my SIL, not so much me which I think is partly why we get treated so differently.

@Blossomtoes

I really don’t understand how people know all the ins and outs of other people’s finances.

In the case of my in-laws, we know because they told us. It was really shitty.

Well in their dotage Golden Hands can wipe their arses..
And your lives will be your own op.
Guilt free.

You take the lead from your husband and what he wants to do - they are his family and he will have had a lifetime of dealing with it.

Clearly he doesn't want to confront them or he would have by now - it is easy to say "cut them off" but it is hard for a child to accept their parents do not really care for them - if he wants to keep a relationship going, grit your teeth and do it.
Remember they are not nice people and you are best off not financially beholden to them

I'd go more or less NC
You owe them nothing. The feckless son isn't going to be supporting them as they get older or if they need anything. Remember how they have been and never think you have to step up and help them in any way