Im 37 've been with my fiance for 17 years hes 37, we have 2 children 11 and 14. My OH is great in most ways, he does all the cooking, he cleans, he washes etc, he was great with the kids when they were little, my family love him.
Background into our life is we life on a council estate minimum wage etc. I work every day but for 4 hours and overtime, I have heart condition which means I get tired easily hence why i only work 4/5 hours per day most days. For the past 10 years he hasn't had a proper job, he's been in and out of crappy jobs and for the past 5 or so years he has had agency work that could be anywhere 0 to 4 days per week. I pay for everything, everything comes out of my bank and when he gets money which could be anywhere from 0 - £250 pw he will give me half. But its not enough, I've got credit cards, loans ontop of rent and bills and kids i need for him to have a full time stable proper job.
We have talked about this loads and he agrees but never does anything about it.
My main issue is that he is always going to hes friends, a 60 year old single man whos lonely who I know very well, but he's there every other day, sometimes for 3 hours sometimes 8 hours and could be 4/5 per week. I know this guys lonely but he has other friends but my OH has a family and i feel he spends most of his time with him than me. Obviously he likes it there he can drink and smoke as much as he wants. When he's there he will have a couple of cans but twice a week he will get fully drunk. I hate him drunk. He's not nasty or anything but he gets really moody and annoyin, I could cope with that 1 or 2 times per month but it's 2 times a week. I think I resent the fact that I could be working and stressing about bills then sorting kids tea and he's at he's friends house having a few cans when I see it as he could be out looking for a proper job.
This last year we are constantly arguing or not talking because of him drinking, (he's not an alcoholic, everyone where we lives drinks daily it seems but me, I don't drink at all). Everyone says oh you got a good one who cooks and cleans, does things round the house and treats me well but I think we'll so he should if he's not working and I am.
I just want to know am I being unreasonable in wanting him to drink less or do I need to lay off him when it's something most people do where I live. I dont think it helps the fact i dont have friends or go out at all so i might not notice as much if i did it too but i dont like to because of my heath condition so i dont drink and cant socialise because i get too tired. No matter how many times I've addressed the issue and he says he will change, it doesn't happen, because deep down I know he likes the life he's got, he enjoys drinking and not being tied down to a fulltime job and he comes home to a roof over his head, food in the fridge, bills paid etc. I know he loves me but I also feel like he knows that if we split he would have nothing, nowhere to go, everything's mine and in my name. One of the main reasons I've not ended it is for this reason because I feel sorry for him if he ends up with nothing.
When he's at home he's always in and out the kitchen because he smokes at the back door and I hate the smell of smoke, he smokes weed which I hate because it smells and the limited money he does get I don't think he should be spending on that. He truely believes it calms him mentally but he doesn't realise it only calms him while he has it but when he can't afford it then he is so moody and irratble because he needs it. At this moment if it was life or death and he had to chose between me and the kids or alcahol and weed I believe he would pick alcahol and weed, well he probably would choose me and the kids because he loves us but he would be so moody and awful to live with because of the lack of alcahol and weed. I just feel like we want different things out of life. I just need someone to either tell me I'm being unresonable or I'm being rational. It's a very big decision because of the kids and i do love him. I don't want to be alone either because I don't get out to meet anyone. Just wish someone would tell me which way to go and what would make me happier in the long run.
I've worked 10-4 today and he has been at he's friends since 10am, it's now 8:30pm but I did tell him at 5pm not bother coming home tonight because I knew he was drunk by speaking to him (first time I've ever done that) can't believe he listened lol, he will creep in when he thinks I'm in bed I bet because he won't want to sleep at he's friend because it's scruffy, fine to sit there all day though