to think dh was being ridiculous to suggest I was being 'violent'

[TheMNPeacekeepingForce]

Last night dh and I were having an argument, sadly whilst ds (2) was in the bath next to us. I got really annoyed with dh and told him to go away. He refused so I slammed the door. Dh then refused to leave me alone with ds saying I was being violent and he didn't want me alone with ds in such a state???!!?

All I did was slam the door ffs. I have never ever shown violence to ds (or dh for that matter) and would never ever hurt my ds so am rally hurt that dh said this and somehow made out I was out of control or a threat to ds.

I am really shocked by this. Surely slamming a door doesn't exactly make me a violent threat (ds was in the bath so not near the door).

AIBU?

YANBU dh was trying to win the argument by saying 'see, look how unreasonable you are'. Patronising in the extreme.
But best to keep arguments away from ds, obv.

I think he was trying to make you feel bad

Are you an habitual door slammer?

Different people have different standards...I must admit to a few door slamming moments as a mum but in anger at DH not DC. But I am quite a volatile character anyway.
But if you are the type to never raise your voice or vocalise your anger then this might have been quite frightening for him

he said it in the heat if the moment, to win the argument

He is definitely not a door slamming type so yes maybe to him that counts as violent behaviour. But I feel really insulted and yes patronised that he could make out I was a threat to ds. I don't want to think that's what he thinks of me.

I totally regret arguing in front of my ds - my parents used to have blazing rows and I hated it. Luckily ds seemed to be engrossed in playing in the bath but I would try not to do this again.

It sounds like he was just trying to make you feel guilty tbh. And of course he's gone for the jugular and made you feel guilty about your ds. Pretty low tactic from your dh imho.

Think he said it to make you feel bad too. If he wanted to difuse things due to a genuine concern for your DS' safety I think he might have said something more like 'OK lets talk about this later, you go and take a break while I look after DS' instead of saying something that was likely to make your mood worse.

Well...thats what I have said to my DH when similar things have happened. Obviously men and women think differntly about this sort of thing but if he were genuinely concerned or used to seing you like that I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have said what he did and would have tried to diffuse things for your DS ASAP.

Hope your are all OK and DS has had extra cuddles (cuddling mine always makes me feel better )

Take no notice, everyone says silly things they don't mean in the heat of an argument. Yes, even us women.

It is more violent than not doing it, even if it's not even off the starting line when it comes to violence against people. But to someone who never does it, it can be quite scary. Generally slamming and crashing around can be scary for kids. Could your dh have thought that although you wouldn't hurt him you might be like that and unsettle your ds?

I don't think you're being unreasonable to question what he said but tbh I tend to think that someone in a very angry state (which of course you may not have been at all, once you'd got your initial door slam out of the way, which is why this possibly doesn't apply to you) is probably best off going to take some deep breaths in another room and coming back to kids when they're calmer, because I do think that can affect them badly.

My DDs are a lot older than your DS and to be honest if DH or I were to slam a door in anger they would probably cry. So, although I don't think what you did was violent I think it was scary for your DS.

Will have a further chat with dh about this tonight. I did call him just now and say I was sorry that I slammed the door but that it was ridiculous to suggest I was being violent or a threat to ds.

This was part of a much wider conversation about the wider issues that I will not all bore you with here.