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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

In laws

2 replies

EPT89 · 28/03/2022 11:29

Iam unsure if iam just over thinking things. My husband is bengali and iam mixed race, getting together was not the easiest due to his family but he chose me so the family had to accept as he was prepared to walk away from them. We had our nikkah and i moved in with his parents and siblings a week after as thats what he always wanted and we purchased the house next door and had to do a complete renovation to the house so we ended up living with his family 3years. I thought that i was building a relationship with his family as i was living in the house. I accept that i had to prove myself as i know there was issues him being with me to begin with but hes always reassured me that iam the one he loves so it doesnt matter what anyone even his family think or have to say. We now have 2 children and have been together 6years. For the past year his brother has been dating a white girl which he says he wants to settle down with and he has kept it a secret but his mum has found out and wanted my husband to get involved and tell her all that he does, which he has informed his mum that he has nothing to do witg it and she needs to go and speak to his brother seeming as he is the one that is in the relationship. Just to add 2 of his other brothers are married to the same race as them but they slag my mother in law and want nothing to do with her and dont even let her see there children. My mother in law is upset and told my husband that shes upset because why didnt his brother do what his other brothers do and find a bengali girl. I feel quite upset in that comment as i mentioned her bengali daughters in law, dont respect, dont speak to her and dont even come visit or bring there kids along, where as in me i try and push my now 4 year old to have some kind of relationship with her because i thibk its important, i sort all her paperwork out, anytime she needs to resolve anything she comes to. So why would she think saying a comment like that my husband be ok as to me it means that she is disappointed in my husband in being with me and she does really care for me much i might he over thinking it but i feel hurt and in disbelief as to her saying that. I have asked my husband that the comment she made about why couldnt his brother be more like his other 2 brothers finding a bengali girl means that she is disappointed in him which he said thats her issue not his as he chose me and thats all that matters but now i think, should bring it up to him again telling him how i feel and at this point i dont even feel like actually giving his mum the time of day as i dont think she deserves it. Am i just reading too much into it?

OP posts:
SeasonFinale · 28/03/2022 11:47

I suspect you are so much part of the family now that it didn't even cross her mind that you aren't bengali anymore. I would try not to focus on it and carry on as you are however much it hurts.

It may be worth a chat at some point that the more she resists or tries to split them up the more likely they are to stand strongly together. If she feels him marrying a white girl means she will lose him remind her being against their relationship would mean that more likely to happen whilst being accepting means they are more likely to want to include her in their lives.

EPT89 · 28/03/2022 12:27

SeasonFinale- Thank you for the advice didnt see it from that point of view. Yes a chat will definitely be needed when the time is right.

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