to wish i didn't have ds3

[Outofcontral]

I have 3 children one has severe asd and needs constant supervision and care. I also have a out of control almost 3yr that frankly ive failed him. i should never have had him but i was selfish in not wanting to go down the termination route. He isnt potty trained nor does he listen to anything i say ever. He loves to scream at the top of his voice while outside for the fun of it. He hits me when i stop him doing something that will literally kill him running on to the road for example!! His food gets thrown all over the floor at meal times. I dont ever get a break i cant work due to dc disability. i do get two days a week respite care for him though but i dont get a break from my feral toddler. My dd is always well behaved but she lacks one to one time with me
I love my children but i wish i stuck with one

I couldn’t not comment. You sound totally overwhelmed. Have you any help from family ? Ask for help. Don’t be afraid. DC of 3 can go through challenging behaviour. All I can do is wish you well and offer u a virtual handhold.

We can all feel like this and your situation must be so much harder. Be kind to yourself. Is there any extra support you can get?

Do you have a partner?

Sounds really tough....when will he start school? That will help a lot. Can he go to nursery yet? Maybe a school nursery?

I do have a husband but he works off shore so own my own at lot.
ds3 is due to start nursery in August. We do have family but opposite sides of the country:( Ive just ordered a travel potty so hopefully can make a go at that

Are you sure he doesn't also have autism just milder? It's really common for siblings, that said it could also be toddler behaviour. Toddlers are assholes.

This is very hard and you are not failing your children. It's just an almost impossible situation when one child has significant needs and they trump everything else

Does your 3 year old go to nursery? If not, get your free 15/30 hours (whatever you're entitled to) and get some time where they are elsewhere.

How old is your child with ASD? Are they in full time (SEN) school? If not, life will get easier once they are.

What about your third? How old are they? Can you get more help with them?

This is all about getting more help and using s the help you can. For you too, so make a GP appointment and start looking into what's out there to support you. Try to get a SS referral if you do not already have a social worker.

Good luck.

You may be able to approach. Support network and charity for advice on how to organise things. Perhaps DC who’s 3 could go to preschool using 30 free hours? Can you call on family to help you? What about partner?

Could you get some support from home start? Early help? Or moving closer to family if that’s an option, I’m in the same situation but with 4 kids but a single mum, school have suggested early help for support maybe that’s something you could look into?

@TheMarvelousMrsMaisel

Are you sure he doesn't also have autism just milder? It's really common for siblings, that said it could also be toddler behaviour. Toddlers are assholes.

Just now he isn't showing any signs but he still is young and being kept a close eye on by us and heath visitor

Having done lock down and working with a three year old, I can at least tell you that when they get to four the difference is very noticeable!

My son was three by the time he potty trained. Disaster before then but once it clicked it was really fast so don't worry about him being a bit later.

Try and remember that all these phases pass and it will get easier.

You're not too far away