AIBU mother's day

[Franklyfrost]

I'm a sahm of four kids ages 3-12. AIBU to expect something for mother's Day? I got nothing, not even a happy mother's day and feel really sad about it. I did take the kids to the shop and organise them so they could make a nice dinner for me. And my partner did go to the local shop and buy a bunch of flowers in the afternoon after I told him I was disappointed but I'm sure he was thinking I was complaining about nothing. The kids have been fighting and I feel very sorry for myself like I don't deserve anything because I'm a bad mum.

YABU get over it you drama lama

YANBU most mums of young children will have had at least a cup of tea and a card organised by their partner, not to do so being deliberately hurtful, especially if it's been celebrated on previous years

A 3 year old needs an adult to help them make a card or buy a gift but a 12 year old could do so for themselves. My additional needs child asked DH to take him to shop so he could spend a whole week and a half pocket money buying me big box of chocolates and a card. We did cooking together this afternoon. You have to bring children up to be considerate and think of others. Your DH is lazy and in your shoes I would be furious with him. He could have taken your little one to chose a card a bunch of flowers for you as a suprise for Mummy because it is her special day today. I think this is third thread today about how lazy DH can't be bothered to help their little ones get their Mums a little gift or card.

The kids did pull together to plan and make dinner and cards, they just needed some prompting and to be taken to the shops because they are children. I organised it and paid for it because I wanted to celebrate my mother's day but it didn't feel the same. My life is dominated by the children and I just wanted some external acknowledgement of my attempts at motherhood from the one adult witness to my parenting. It does sound a bit dramatic but just to be made a cup of coffee just once a year, surely my parenting our children as best I can is worth that from my partner? He said he didn't do anything not because he forgot but because he didn't care. I just feel so hurt.

If my DH had told me he didn’t care if he seriously reconsidering that marriage.

Apologies sent too soon. I’d be seriously reconsidering that marriage. Of course it’s not too much to ask for a bit of acknowledgement. I fully get what you mean about life being dominating by the children and I am sorry to hear you are so hurt. Little gestures can mean a lot

I think yab a bit u. I've been a single parent since my youngest was conceived and even though the first year my kids were very little they did their best to do something special for mothers day. Since it's just youngest at home now before Mother's day I reminded him it was this Sunday but he went and bought a card and chocolates. No adult input for any of all these years as it's for children to organise for their mums.

YANBU but prepare to be handed your arse on a plate.

A couple of years ago this happened to me. I was told that at 6 & 8 years old they were old enough to know that it was Mother’s Day and should be able to make themselves a card without any prompting from DH. Apparently, because of the pandemic, I should just be grateful to be alive. For what it is worth, this year hasn’t been any better either.

for you and Happy Mother’s Day from one mum to another. X

Your husband is thoughtless and uncaring and it looks like your older child/ren are following in his footsteps unfortunately.

YANBU. I'm sat at home sad looking at a half dead bunch of flowers that were an obvious afterthought and feel like I can't say anything because if I moan I'll be crucified for it. I even suggested a takeaway for tea to be told "nah we'll have something out the freezer shall we"

Fantastic. Baby is only 7 months old so not his fault (as he's a baby!) but I had expected more of my husband, especially as its advertised so early in the shops.

Thanks @Ionlydomassiveones

The thread I posted was absolutely brutal and made me feel so low. I couldn’t quite believe how shallow people made me feel for expecting homemade cards from each of my children. I’m glad to hear that there are people out there that still think the small thoughtful things in life really count. X

@Whywonttheyhelpme
@Hopeful23

I'm sorry you're both in similar positions. You both deserve some flowers and a box of chocolates, the fancy type with pictures and a description of all the chocolates :)

Motherhood is so overwhelming and thankless at times. The kids are a joy but all the nit combing and night wakings, lunch boxes and world book days take up so many little snatches of time that it can feel quite difficult. A little recognition once a year would be appreciated. I don't blame the kids, they do put the effort in and are capable but need prompting by an adult (the older two have SEN).

He said he didn't do anything not because he forgot but because he didn't care
When someone tells you who they are, listen.

Yabu for lots of things, not least for starting another thread about this.

01:15SleepingStandingUp

He said he didn't do anything not because he forgot but because he didn't care

What a hurtful response! If I was you , when he's asking what's for dinner, I would reply " oh, I didn’t cook dinner but not bc I forgot, its bc I don't care" Let's see how he takes it. Sometimes you need to give them a taste of their own medicine in order to open their eyes. Saying nothing and suffering in silence it gets you nowhere and he will think this is acceptable until you tell him otherwise.

@04:19MissRalux

*01:15SleepingStandingUp

He said he didn't do anything not because he forgot but because he didn't care

What a hurtful response! If I was you , when he's asking what's for dinner, I would reply " oh, I didn’t cook dinner but not bc I forgot, its bc I don't care" Let's see how he takes it. Sometimes you need to give them a taste of their own medicine in order to open their eyes. Saying nothing and suffering in silence it gets you nowhere and he will think this is acceptable until you tell him otherwise.*

I don't think he behaved kindly and I wouldn't want it be unkind in return. It wouldn't make either of us any happier.

I feel disproportionately sad about not marking mother's day. If he doesn't care then he doesn't care, there's not much I can do about it. I try the best I can but it's just not enough to deserve a mother's day in his eyes. It's so depressing. I can't try any harder. We're in couples therapy and have a session tomorrow. The therapist already thinks I'm a total loser so I'm trying hard to get a grip.

If the therapist thinks you're a loser then you need a new therapist because they're shit at their job.

He doesn't care. He's literally telling you "I don't care about you". Honestly, stop fighting for him when he doesn't want it and fight for yourself.

13:51SleepingStandingUp

If the therapist thinks you're a loser then you need a new therapist because they're shit at their job.

He doesn't care. He's literally telling you "I don't care about you". Honestly, stop fighting for him when he doesn't want it and fight for yourself.
This ☝
Just stop making excuses for him, you are just enabling bad behaviour. He's only going to treat you the way you allow him to.