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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this bother you?

17 replies

Divamuffin · 27/03/2022 11:22

Just interested to hear other peoples opinions and if I am over reacting! Last night it was a friends 30th which my partner and I attended, it was the first time he has met anyone (for context we’ve been together 18 months but due to Covid I haven’t seen some of my friends for a while and there have been no big events)

On the way home in the taxi he said that he found one of my friends attractive. I quote, ‘do you know what I find Sophie so attractive’ Then tried to follow it up with ‘oh no it’s her persona and her energy’ I then asked if he was attracted to her and he said ‘not really’

So I was obviously quite offended but he seems to think I am bu, I’m just wondering if that would bother anyone else or if I am being dramatic? I just personally can’t ever imagine describing one of my partners friends as attractive to him! I did have a few wines so prepared to be told I’m unreasonable!

OP posts:
RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 27/03/2022 11:24

Weird. Imagine telling him the first time you met one of his mates 'he's fit'

Id be thinking is he he now thinking I picked the wrong one out of the group.

It's ok to appreciate someone else is attractive but not sure why he's telling you.

Whatsonmymindgrapes · 27/03/2022 11:27

Yanbu

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 27/03/2022 11:33

He’s testing you. He wants to see what you’ll put up with.

Give him Sophie’s number and then move on with your life.

Original poster
Divamuffin · 27/03/2022 19:22

Sophie is married with children so I don’t think she’d be interested 😂 but thank you, glad I’m not alone. He tried to act like everything was normal this morning

OP posts:
Indoorcatmum · 27/03/2022 19:46

Nope! That's weird.
Him saying "you have lovely friends, Sophie has a kind personality" etc is completely different and an acceptable thing to say.
He either phrases things very thoughtlessly and clumsily or he is testing your boundaries as PP said.

Thumpkin · 27/03/2022 20:41

Yes, it’s weird and really not okay. Assume he’d had a drink too? If you find someone ‘attractive’ it literally means you are attracted to them! What on earth else does he think it means?! Totally lacking in sensitivity.

I asked an ex to describe his female friend who I’d not yet met and was actually looking forward to meeting and he said ‘she’s really sexy’ so I told him he should probably date her instead and I dumped him. If anything, it showed me he had shit judgement and no sensitivity. True story!

Thumpkin · 27/03/2022 20:43

And yes, I second the poster who said imagine his response if you told him you found one of his mates so attractive! It’s like he got drunk and said it like you were a friend and not his girlfriend.

Parth · 27/03/2022 20:59

You are not being unreasonable. Guy sounds like a total weirdo. Dump him and move on.

HeArInGhandsgirl11 · 27/03/2022 21:35

I would love to say No however I'd be secretly fuming 😅😅

BottleBrushTree · 27/03/2022 21:36

It’s a weird thing to say.

neverbeenskiing · 27/03/2022 21:39

It’s like he got drunk and said it like you were a friend and not his girlfriend.

This. He forgot himself and spoke too honestly, then tried to backtrack when he realised what he'd said. I wouldn't be impressed.

HellToTheNope · 27/03/2022 21:41

He's a proper idiot, isn't he?

Member786495 · 27/03/2022 21:44

I’m quite a bit older than you and have been married for 20 years and I’d be absolutely fine with dh saying one of my friends is gorgeous etc. Some of them are, but I know he’s happy with me.
However, if we hadn’t been together long, or if I thought he was looking for a way out I may take the comments differently.
If you’re confident in your relationship it should be ok for him to say that other random people are attractive.

Bellex · 27/03/2022 21:47

I swear men are a different bred.

I’m seeing someone and we were discussing that I’m working with 2 people that are together. His response ‘I’d only get with someone at work if they were really special’

Patienceisntvirtuous · 27/03/2022 22:46

@Member786495

I’m quite a bit older than you and have been married for 20 years and I’d be absolutely fine with dh saying one of my friends is gorgeous etc. Some of them are, but I know he’s happy with me. However, if we hadn’t been together long, or if I thought he was looking for a way out I may take the comments differently. If you’re confident in your relationship it should be ok for him to say that other random people are attractive.
Similar to this. If a serious dp said to me 'Sophie is very attractive' fine.

A newish partner? No. He's testing you.

lobsteroll · 27/03/2022 22:47

Definitely testing you - eugh, horrible!

Chonfox · 27/03/2022 23:23

It's a no-go area at the start of a relationship - anyone would feel insecure after that comment male or female. He's an idiot and I would give him the heave-ho

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