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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Pay separately?!

20 replies

Ellie2015 · 26/03/2022 21:42

Me and one of my LO’s mum are supposed to be going on an Easter hunt activity with the kids. Since it’s only 4 of us, I proposed that we buy a family ticket and either she or I could pay the full amount and other person BACS half the money. But she responded asking us to pay separately. I don’t understand if we are saving £12 together and £6 each that’s a good amount of money, why pay separately??!!!

I am not sure but I sensed a trust issue here and feel offended.

The same mother in the past ended up being aggressive on me in front of LOs just because her LO refused to come out of a soft play that was meant to be there for only 2 hours and they had crossed that line (although me being there several times in the past had seen people overstaying and not being a problem unless they announce for overstayed people to leave, which she refused to listen or believe). We didn’t have any communication for over a year and a half and then we were back again as I chose to not let my ego come in between LO’s friendships. The same mother recently overstayed in a soft play over 2 hours without kicking any fuss! (We had paid membership).

This mum also has some of own ‘principles’ eg LO clearly having Covid symptoms but wouldn’t test them or herself for Covid. I feel that’s partly because she doesn’t want to isolate her child due to child care issues after her divorce.

She was meant to come to my LO’s birthday party and she said she was happy to come as long as I was happy! The kid had all symptoms and she wouldn’t test so I had to ask her to avoid as I had elderly presence in the party along with others.

She hasn’t not taken Covid jab, but that I appreciate many people haven’t and it’s her personal decision.

I perceive rigidity distrust and stern stance on simplest things so am feeling a bit annoyed…AIBU?

OP posts:
Jadecarrot · 26/03/2022 22:06

I am a bit confused about all this. Why exactly are you friends? 🤔

Gizacluethen · 26/03/2022 22:27

She doesn't really know you all that well. If you bought the tickets and don't show then she's stuck without. Or if she buys the tickets you might not pay her back . She doesn't feel comfortable with that.

Ellie2015 · 27/03/2022 06:29

So that’s what I feel offended with. She ofcourse knows us very well and there isn’t by chance of default. And it’s only £27 not like in 1000s that one would even think of!

We are friends as our two LOs get along well and love to play with each other and somehow I have a soft corner for the little girl after her separation from her daddy due to divorce etc.

OP posts:
ukborn · 27/03/2022 07:54

So she wants to pay separately- big deal. You seem to have issues with stuff barely worth a second thought. Either accept how she wants to pay or step back.

Aprilx · 27/03/2022 08:04

@Ellie2015

So that’s what I feel offended with. She ofcourse knows us very well and there isn’t by chance of default. And it’s only £27 not like in 1000s that one would even think of!

We are friends as our two LOs get along well and love to play with each other and somehow I have a soft corner for the little girl after her separation from her daddy due to divorce etc.

I have read many a post about problems that stemmed from somebody paying for something for somebody else up front. Paying separately keeps it simple and avoids all that. You say it is “only” £27 but then dint understand why she wouldn’t save £6, perhaps she thinks £6 is a price worth paying fr keeping it simple.

And keeping it simple sounds like a good idea considering your joint history. You seem to take offence at anything.

MrsLegend · 27/03/2022 09:04

Perhaps she doesn't agree with buying a family ticket as you're not a family.

Perhaps she doesn't want to be dishonest!

Hoppinggreen · 27/03/2022 09:08

I don’t think you are really friends, the children are.
Just let her buy her own ticket, with that and the drama over leaving/not leaving soft play etc you are coming across as a bit bossy and condescending (you mention that she is divorced twice)

Persephoned · 27/03/2022 09:18

I don’t understand the soft play thing, you fell out with her because her daughter was in longer than the two hours? Or because she brought her daughter out at two hours even when she wanted to stay in? Either way I can’t imagine why you fell out with her over it but given you have a history of quarrelling it sounds sensible to me to keep finances separate so yabu.

stuntbubbles · 27/03/2022 09:30

@MrsLegend

Perhaps she doesn't agree with buying a family ticket as you're not a family.

Perhaps she doesn't want to be dishonest!

Oh, for heaven’s sake! It’s not dishonest to buy a family ticket in these circumstances! They don’t ask for proof of familial relationships or define family as anything other than “two adults, two children” – a definition OP and her friend meet.

OP, I think you just have to accept you’re not really friends with this woman, she’s someone you have to tolerate to facilitate your DC’s friendship. Eventually you can just drop and run!

Move22 · 27/03/2022 11:54

Oh, for heaven’s sake! It’s not dishonest to buy a family ticket in these circumstances! They don’t ask for proof of familial relationships or define family as anything other than “two adults, two children” – a definition OP and her friend meet

Actually my first thoughts were mirrored by mrsLegend

LabelMaker · 27/03/2022 11:57

@MrsLegend

Perhaps she doesn't agree with buying a family ticket as you're not a family.

Perhaps she doesn't want to be dishonest!

I agree with this. Maybe she also doesn't want to be forced to attend with you if you have another disagreement in the meantime.
Youdoyoutoday · 27/03/2022 11:59

I don't see what you get from this friendship.
If the kids know each other from nursery or school then just them play together there.

Ellie2015 · 27/03/2022 23:25

Wow internet does give a free right to be judgemental to everyone!
Mrs legend, label maker, thank you. stunt bubbles I think you are absolutely right! Thank you xx

OP posts:
eldora · 27/03/2022 23:34

YANBU, maybe meet her in places like soft play or parks.

TheBigDilemma · 27/03/2022 23:50

Of course YABU, why are you still engaging with her? She seems unpleasant and disconsiderate.

LonelyBones · 28/03/2022 00:07

Whats a LO?

AdobeWanKenobi · 28/03/2022 00:18

@Hoppinggreen

I don’t think you are really friends, the children are. Just let her buy her own ticket, with that and the drama over leaving/not leaving soft play etc you are coming across as a bit bossy and condescending (you mention that she is divorced twice)
That’s it really.

OP it’s tricky when they are small, it one thing you learn with age and experience is school mum friends that are actual friends are staggeringly rare.
You’ll meet a lot of them, you’ll plan a lot of play dates and outings, you’ll struggle to recall most of their names in ten years time.

Keep it simple, keep it about the kids and don’t give too much of yourself to this woman.

Ellie2015 · 28/03/2022 00:35

Thank you Eldora, think that’s a better option. Big dilemma, it’s just the LOs (little ones). Adobe wan Kanobi thank you for sharing this wisdom. I just have to keep it simple xx

OP posts:
PurpleMarie · 28/03/2022 04:05

@Ellie2015

Wow internet does give a free right to be judgemental to everyone! Mrs legend, label maker, thank you. stunt bubbles I think you are absolutely right! Thank you xx
Oh I see - so you were just looking for people to agree with you. Fine, here you go - you’re a bleeding angel, and she’s a wagon?!?
Ellie2015 · 28/03/2022 12:09

You have good English purple Marie, love it! 😂

OP posts:
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