Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sons "best friend" nasty behaviour

7 replies

Hullabaloo9 · 26/03/2022 21:25

My son is one of the youngest in yr 1. Since he started reception he has been close friends with another boy who is one of the eldest. Its lovely to see how close they are and all the teachers comment on how they know each other so well.

Recently it has become apparent to me that the friendship is not actually so positive. My son has often come home with minor bumps and scrapes that he "can't remember". Most recently a huge swollen eyebrow which became a black eye. Apparently the teachers didn't notice this because my son didn't tell anyone. It transpires it was done by friend who told him not to tell, just because my son didn't want to play a particular game.

Son never drinks at school and when questioned admitted its because friend squeezes his bottle hard in his face when he goes to take a sip. Again, my son doesn't tell.

Son suddenly hates drawing which he loved before (his fine motor skills aren't great but he really used to be proud of his work). Apparently friend laughs at his drawings and says they are rubbish. He doesn't tell.

More similar examples have come to light. I have really emphasised the importance of telling a teacher if someone is mean but he just won't. He says friend threatens to withdraw friendship if he does.

When best friend is off school my son misses him so much, but comes out of school such a happier boy and will tell me all about his day and what he's been doing, which he never usually does at all. He plays with other children with no problem on these days.

Son does have other friends and attends clubs outside school but in school is just obsessed with his mean "best friend". He can't see that the behaviour is not how friends should treat each other and just accepts it.

Should I bring this up with the teacher or does it sound like usual children squabbling? How can I teach my son to assert himself and not be so afraid of disobeying his friend?

OP posts:
LoganberryJam · 26/03/2022 21:32

Yes, I would have a word with the teacher and mention these things. Especially the black eye - did the other boy hit him? The teacher needs to be aware of this OP.

xsquared · 26/03/2022 21:33

So sorry to hear this OP.

You are right that your ds will not immediately see that it is not what friends do. Can you encourage him to play with other friends and to include this "friend" so that he is not with him on a 1 to 1 basis.

Your ds is basically being blackmailed and emotionally abused when this other friend tells them they will withdraw their friendship. That really wouldn't be a bad thing if he did! I suppose you have already told him that real friends don't withdraw their friendship when he tries to do the right thing?

I would definitely bring it up with the teacher.

Lou1siana · 26/03/2022 21:38

Tell the teacher. It would be unhealthy for him to have just this one special friend, anyway - school should support with different groupings.

Good luck.

We had something similar at nursery where my ds was basically being used by the nursery to manage this other manipulative / violent kid. I let all involved understand in no uncertain terms that ds had plenty of other friends.

Newtonred · 26/03/2022 21:41

We had this issue and the school did nothing and yes we went through all the channels. My husband was actually a governor but not one of the governors with “power”. The parents governors were treated as something the school had to have rather then wanted.

The school seems happy this child was only picking on one child
We ended up moving him schools and he is much happier

Hullabaloo9 · 26/03/2022 22:04

I did talk to the teacher about the black eye. She seemed mostly concerned about my son not telling and said she would work on that. I'm trying hard not to come across as if I am demonising this friend. I know all kids can be manipulative at times but obviously my concern is for my own son.

I have tried explaining to him that it's not acceptable for friends to be mean. I do encourage him to play with others but best friend either cries, so my son worries he will get into trouble himself (teacher always just tells my son to play with best friend, so he just does whatever he's told) or best friend lashes out at the other child.

My son likes him so much though and they do have fun together.

OP posts:
Hullabaloo9 · 26/03/2022 22:07

@Newtonred. I did wonder if the teachers are just taking the easy way out, telling my son to just play with him to avoid having to deal with the outbursts.

It's more the negging that upsets me. My sons confidence is being chipped away being told his work is rubbish, he can't run fast enough etc.

OP posts:
123sunny456 · 27/03/2022 19:16

Tell the school that this is peer on peer abuse and it is a safe guarding matter.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page