Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

So who is in the wrong?

19 replies

Tynetime · 26/03/2022 20:26

OK so 1st off we both have hobbies. Mine take me out of the house. DHs a bit if in and out of house.
We have 2 nd kids who I mainly deal with during the week as I work less hours. I also do 90% housework etc which isn't easy with two kids with continence issues and ND issues.
So today I was out with my hobby. Planned to be home at 4 but a car accident delayed d me to 5. 40.
My hobby is fairly physical so I was pretty tired after an awful journey.
DH was sat in his chair eating his dinner and when I said I would cook x for me and the kids his response was a grumpy well we have run out of x. This is the only thing our autistic child will drink.
I sat down for 30 minutes to compose myself and DH made no effort to leave chair. So I went to shop and cooked dinner. He has now gone upstairs. So I feel like he should have gone to shop as I was cooking for kids.
So,AIBU vote YANBU if he should have gone. YABU if I should have.
Incidentally whilst cooking dinner I also changed DD2 as she clearly had soiled herself. No clue when this happened.
Pretty fed up

OP posts:

Kite22 · 26/03/2022 20:30

Have I missed something?

Why was he eating 'his' dinner, but had not prepared dinner for everyone?

LoganberryJam · 26/03/2022 20:30

So he was eating his dinner that he'd made for himself and he hadn't made anything for you or the kids?? What a selfish arse!

Winday · 26/03/2022 20:31

He cooked his own dinner and didn't feed the kids? That is bizarre to me.

peachgreen · 26/03/2022 20:32

I think with two ND children with continence issues you must both have a pretty tough time.

I don't think it's unreasonable that he would expect you to take over for the last part of the day when you have had the rest of the day to yourself. But I don't understand why he had cooked for himself and not the kids?

Original poster

Tynetime · 26/03/2022 20:35

He is also a very fussy eater. Probably Autistic too and cooks a certain meal 1 day a week for himself so this isn't unusual. Some days he will bung oven food in for kids if I am working late but I guess he must have known I need to use up something which needed cooking from scratch.
He would have had no clue how to cook the meal the kids and I were having .

OP posts:

Original poster

Tynetime · 26/03/2022 20:37

@peachgreen when he is out on his hobby I don't expect him to take over upon his return as the kids are normally already fed.

OP posts:

Sometimeswinning · 26/03/2022 20:48

Maybe tell him next time to bung the oven meal on. Tell him he needs to go to the shop to pick up your needed item. The nappy change thing again, you could have told him to do it. All this is assuming he is autistic. If you mean oh he's a bit autistic like that, then ignore what I've said.

Original poster

Tynetime · 26/03/2022 20:51

He doesn't have a diagnosis but since the kids got their diagnosis it does make sense.

Tbh it was quicker for me to do it as Dd was in the kitchen with me when I was cooking dinner.

OP posts:

CheshireChat · 26/03/2022 20:51

Make it clear that he's entirely responsible for that time frame and that you expect the kids to be fed and not just handed over to you.

Or you'll do exactly the same.

SeasonFinale · 26/03/2022 21:57

Did you actually ask him if he would go to the shop though and he refused or did you expect him to guess you would rather he went?

LoudingVoice · 26/03/2022 22:01

Him not preparing something/anything for the kids is utterly ridiculous.

Going forwards you need to tell him whoever is in charge of childcare is in charge of feeding them, irrelevant of what the other person might have made.

Undisclosedlocation · 26/03/2022 22:17

@Tynetime

He doesn't have a diagnosis but since the kids got their diagnosis it does make sense.

Tbh it was quicker for me to do it as Dd was in the kitchen with me when I was cooking dinner.

This is your problem OP. Who cares if it was slower? The point is you need to teach him to pull his own weight and that won’t happen if you keep taking over and just seethe on mumsnet after the event

Fernandina · 26/03/2022 22:18

Who is in the wrong? He is.

He should have gone to get the item that had run out (or at least texted you to ask you to get some on your way back), and he should have looked after the dc properly.

PonyPatter44 · 26/03/2022 22:21

He sounds appalling. What sort of adult leaves his kids dirty and hungry, while feeding himself?

Original poster

Tynetime · 26/03/2022 22:30

The way he said it suggested to me that he didn't want to go sbd clearly felt I should. It was said in such a moody way.

OP posts:

Undisclosedlocation · 26/03/2022 22:31

@Tynetime

The way he said it suggested to me that he didn't want to go sbd clearly felt I should. It was said in such a moody way.

Tough luck! You need to be a hell of a lot more assertive OP

Bizawit · 26/03/2022 23:31

I am 😮 that he would be sat eating when you get back without having made food for the kids.

dancingdaisies · 26/03/2022 23:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

Kite22 · 26/03/2022 23:40

@Tynetime

He is also a very fussy eater. Probably Autistic too and cooks a certain meal 1 day a week for himself so this isn't unusual. Some days he will bung oven food in for kids if I am working late but I guess he must have known I need to use up something which needed cooking from scratch. He would have had no clue how to cook the meal the kids and I were having .

I still can't believe that this isn't the issue you are complaining about. It almost reads as if you accept this to be a normal thing.

It really, really isn't.
If one parent is with the dc and one isn't, then the parent who is with the dc looks after them - that includes changing them; that includes feeding them; and, if there is only one thing that your child will drink and the parent notices it has run out, then it includes solving that - whether by taking the dc out to get it themselves, or whether that is texting the other parent to ask if they can pick it up on the way home.

It really is not normal, nor in any way acceptable, to cook your own dinner, and be eating it whilst your dc are not fed.

I can't believe you are focusing on not going to the shop when you got home, and mentioning this as an aside, only because people have asked.

Flip