Sorry, I’ve posted once this week about it before but find it good to get objective opinions and try not to burden my friends with it all the time.
My relationship with my sister (several years older) is difficult. To sum up, her behaviour is less than great towards mainly me and I sometimes sense it is controlling. She quizzes me over what my 5 year plan is, strongly implies I’m boring or laughs when I don’t want to have a drink at family dos, uses passive aggressive tones and comments then acts very innocent and becomes extremely defensive when I call it out calmly, accusing me of looking for trouble and the bad in her. I feel as if she picks me apart sometimes but she insists she just cares. The icing on the cake was when we went on a family trip before Christmas; my parents and both couples. My mum wanted a nice photo of us for old time’s sake in a nice open area outdoors. Sister squeezed me hard for a hug for the camera, knowing I don’t like too much affection. When I resisted slightly she laughed and then pushed my face to the side with her hand, quite forcefully. When I looked stunned it was a ‘joke’, and then she quickly said, ‘should’ve done it harder and down the hill’. She and her partner wouldn’t let anyone else cook all holiday and planned out the meals, which my parents were thrilled with. They are good at cooking. I can’t have dairy and they made an OTT show of how accommodating they had been to my ‘special diet’. I said thank you but it began to feel awkward because it was repeatedly mentioned so I felt singled out. They’re marrying later this year (exciting!) but the entire holiday was spent talking about the wedding, and their dog. When my partner brought up a dog he had growing up the conversation swiftly was pulled back to them. This happened on many occasions to the point where my dad did help engineer the conversation so everyone had a turn - which was lovely. She grills my partner over his education, which he had in another country.
For all the reasons above and more, as much as it pains me I have had to take a step back for my own wellbeing as I don’t leave interactions with her feeling very good about myself. She will cry to my mum that I don’t care about her, and that I haven’t been to see her in months and she has no idea why. She has accused me of damaging our sister relationship and told me if I don’t ‘step up as a sister and friend, I will reconsider your position as bridesmaid at my wedding’. This naturally really upset me but felt like a bit of a guilt trip. I took a social media break and unfollowed a lot of people, including one of her accounts. She told my parents that I’d blocked her and proceeded to block me on everything.
It’s her birthday this weekend and she is having a weekend away. I’ve text her and wished her a nice time. My parents are at her house caring for their dog. I went round to drop off her present and a helium birthday balloon. Though nice at first, my mum quickly became unhappy with me and told me it was weighing heavy on her that I’m making no effort to see my sister on her actual birthday. Sister will not get home until late as they’re off having fun as they should on her special day. I happen to be working tomorrow and we are currently trying to renovate our new house, I’m stacked out with things to do.
My mum informed me if her sister did that, she’d send the present back with her and felt very disappointed that I am not putting the effort in that my sister puts into birthdays. She has said it is unequal and told me to ‘go away’. So I did. I’ve tried pointing things out before but it is no use reasoning, I don’t know if it’s me interpreting my sister incorrectly or easier for my parents to go along with the idea I’m uncaring rather than calling her out. It’s just so wearing and I don’t want to have to constantly feel like I need to put my own wellbeing to the side to keep the peace.
Honest thoughts? Finding it tough to be assertive as don’t want to upset DM 