To react and punish

[ihavechangedmyname54321]

I have a 6 year old DS.

Recently he’s been saying he wants to hurt me, not in so many words but things like “I’m going to punch you in the face”, “I’m going to kick you”. He doesn’t say it in a rage, in a door slamming “I hate you” sort of way; but it also doesn’t feel jokey. It’s probably to provoke, to get a reaction.

If it was in a fit of anger I’d be more patient, and understanding, but the way he does it really, really rattles me. It’s so unprovoked; today we were just in the playground, we were leaving in 5 minutes so it could’ve been for that reason, but he just saunters past and casually said it.

He has a very undesirable best friend in school, who I can definitely imagine coming out with this kind of thing so it could be where he’s heard it. But at the end of the day he is his own person, and I hate that his friend would get the blame for this type of thing - his friend isn’t there when he says it to me!

My DP thinks I shouldn’t have reacted the first time as he know it pushes my buttons. But no amount of talking to him about it seems to be going in.

He’s not a violent boy otherwise.

Sit him down and calmly explain why he’s not allowed to threaten people, and why people (not just you) will look down on him for coming out with nonsense like that. Also warn him that someone might take him seriously one day and hit him first.

Then explain that now he understands why it’s wrong that you will have to give a consequence every time he does it. Be it less screen time or a fine from his pocket money or whatever. He will soon realise its not worth it!
Also make it crystal clear to dad that he needs to be on board with this, and back you up. My dh would be furious if our ds ever spoke to me like that.

That’s exactly what I’ve been doing; having proper chats about how unacceptable it is. I’m glad I’m not overreacting.

DP does back me up in front of him, so that’s fine. DS hasn’t said anything like that to DP and I’m generally his favourite parent so DP is of the view that he says it because I reacted the first time and that’s it, he knows it pushes my buttons. He might be right, but it’s too late now, I’ve reacted, and tbh I stand by it’s unacceptable.

I agree with the PP that this can start with a conversation (not in the heat of the moment). I’d give it a couple of weeks and see if this peters out. If it doesn’t, you might want to ask his teacher or another professional for advice and to make sure there aren’t any other behavioural red flags.

Sorry you’re facing this - it sounds really unsettling.

Thanks @Ionlydomassiveones that’s exactly how it’s been. I will make sure to carry it on, I just hope this phase doesn’t last long. I don’t understand it. It happened just before we arrived at a club last week, and I should’ve just turned him around and gone straight home - no club. He doesn’t have a games console and I find it hard to remove TV as he has a sibling who would be allowed to watch, but I’ll make more of an effort to stamp down the consequences.