To ask if this is trauma and how to overcome it?

[CrumpetStrumpet]

The last seven years have been incredibly tough for me. I've dealt with infertility, miscarriage, an incredibly tough twin pregnancy followed by premature birth and a long NICU stay. My ex husband then left when DC were 16 months old. He now has no contact with them. To top it all off I'm also going though premature menopause (diagnosed as 37 and I'm now early 40s)

I feel like an empty shell of the person I once was. If it wasn't for my DC I don't think I'd even want to be here. I paint a smile on my face for them and the people around me, but inside I am so bitter, hurt and angry. I almost feel dead inside in a lot of ways. I have zero faith in love and relationships anymore. The thought of ever trusting a man again is laughable to me. Prior to this I was always a really romantic minded person. I don't recognise the person I've turned into, to the point that it scares me sometimes.

Is this trauma/a trauma response? If so how the hell do I ever go about healing? I have counselling twice a month but I feel its no longer helping. I just feel so stuck. I'll feel like I'm improving a bit but then some other shitty thing will happen and I'm back to square one.

I'd really like to hear from other people who have been to the brink and found their way back. Atm it feels like this is it and my life is never going to improve

EMDR therapy is best for trauma (life changing for my daughter)

It’s not trauma

The way you feel is a perfectly normal, understandable reaction to lots of different things that have happened in your life. It’s not a syndrome, nor a disorder. You’re doing the right thing with counselling - and should probably stick with it as it could take a long time to heal.
Do you have friends who can support you? Who can look after you when it gets too much?

Counselling might not be the best approach for you at this time. You might want to have a look at CBT which takes a more active approach at changing here and now or psychotherapy which is more looking at how the past affects the present. You may also consider going more than twice a month if that doesn't feel supportive enough. A good place to start would be talking to your current therapist about feeling stuck,sometimes we get stuck before moving forward.

Are you on HRT? Menopause can make you feel awful

@Cascais

It’s not trauma

What makes you say that?

Bloody hell OP you've been through some crap haven't you speak to your GP. They'll signpost the most appropriate counselling for you.

You're doing amazingly raising twins alone, by the way.

@Lubeyboobyalt I've looked at EMDR but not sure if it's right for me. It seems to be more focused on specific traumatic events? (From what I've read anyway) So glad to hear it worked for your daughter.

@soontobe60 I have a handful of good friends but I'm still lonely tbh. I'm very much a 'strong' person so people think I just get on with it.

@OutdoorHousePlant I definitely need to speak to her about it. I almost feel like I shouldn't be rehashing the same old feelings regarding my ex etc. now though. I feel like I should have moved on and she's probably sick of hearing it. I agree twice a month isn't really enough but I can't afford more. I did look into psychotherapy but but cost was staggering. I'll look into CBT as I've never actually tried it.

@Ribenery I've been on HRT for a few years. It's stopped the hot sweats and the brain fog. Thank God. I get awful anxiety though which I suspect is one of the delightful menopausal symptoms!

@girlmom21 Thank you so much. They are hard work but they are amazing

What do you do for yourself, each day, to make yourself feel soothed?

It is a loss trauma. Like a bereavement not just for the person bit fir the life of yours that was lost.

It's ok to go through all the grief emotions.

The best support is probably meeting others with similar experiences.

You certainly have been through a lot.
You said you don't want to be here, but your kids will be getting older and easier, you'll get some of your independence and freedom back, OP. It's just hard now. I think it's good to acknowledge it and take it easy on yourself, due to the trauma you have suffered. Admitting it to yourself and treating yourself gently are the first steps to recovery xxx

I had an existential crises caused by a relationship breakdown/his behaviour.

It took me a long time to "get over" it and I'm not the same person anymore though in a much much bette replace than I was. It takes time, many years and much grieving.

theres emotional burnout stress burnout or a emotional breakdown(formally nervous breakdown)

im just recovering from a emotional breakdown and extreme stress

i would say trauma is from a very bad event, ie rape or continuous domestic abuse

obviously im not qualified but what your describing could be emotional burnout or nervous breakdown.

even with a diagnosis you dont get help as i was diagnosed with above in nov 2021 giving a leaflet on depression(which i didnt have or diagnosed with)and ushered out of the door.i am my user name and didnt take that and made it very clear i wont put up with that behaviour and whats the next stage?

i was then told a 4 years waiting list for psychologist help unless im wiling to pay and when i said how much he said roughly 100-150 a hour im very sorry the nhs cant help you,your on your own

i was absolutely disgusted.

im getting better from herbal medication ,st johns wart(for stress not depression)and cbd capsules from Holland and Barratt

im also on a lot of support groups on Facebook and they have been amazing help.

maybe try herbal tablets for a while and support groups