Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

‘Your mum is fat’

53 replies

Dingalingading · 26/03/2022 12:21

So aibu to not know how to deal with this.

Daughter (10) joined a new school a year ago and generally gets on well with kids and staff. Apart from one it seems. A week ago, ‘I am not coming to your stupid party’ (which I reassured DD was maybe more about the fact that this child does a lot of competitions outside school so couldn’t come because of that) but now this ‘your mum is fat!’. Totally unprompted and DD was

I do know the mum to talk to - tho not well. How do I approach it? I do need to work on my weight - had a baby 9 months ago - but it’s still a shock.

OP posts:
IVFConfusion · 26/03/2022 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sidisawetlettuce · 26/03/2022 14:21

@BoredZelda

I'm a size 10 and at the moment I'm a bit fat.

Oh bugger off with this crap.

You beat me to it.
NrlySp · 26/03/2022 14:21

A child said something similar to my son once. He was very upset on my behalf.
I explained to him that:
I was fat. But that’s ok.
That it’s rude to make personal remarks about others.
That some people see being fat as a moral failing and that’s up to them.
It was quite a good lesson for him about how people can be unkind to those we love and to just brush it off and carry on. But also about whether to be friends with someone like that.

BloodyloveGeorge · 26/03/2022 14:29

Ignore it. Kid sounds like a little shit trying to get a reaction so the best thing to do is not react.

MarthaFokker · 26/03/2022 14:43

@BoredZelda

I'm a size 10 and at the moment I'm a bit fat.

Oh bugger off with this crap.

No I won't bugger off with this crap. My stomach is hanging over my waistband. I am a bit fat. You have no right to tell me any different because I know my own body. I'm not fat compared to some people but I'm not comparing myself to some people (or to anyone for that matter).
Notanotherwindow · 26/03/2022 14:49

Just laugh it off. Tell your daughter not to worry about it, its a sad little girl trying to be 'big'

Idroppedthescrewinthetuna · 26/03/2022 14:51

My daughter's response to most things (annoying when said to me) 'did I ask for your input/opinion)
This is usually replied with 'well I gave it anyway'
Her response is 'aww thanks, maybe next time you save it for someone who values what comes out of your mouth'

Works a treat for her.

Another thing she says which again gets pointed towards me sometimes 'aww, you truly believe I care what you think...bless ya'

And one more she does is condescendingly looks you in the eye, gently taps the side of head with her finger and asks 'are you ok, like really, are you alright'

Usually shuts people up.

I know this gives an awful impression of my daughter but honestly although she is a teenager she is very lovely. She just knows how to shut people down quickly.

BloodyloveGeorge · 26/03/2022 14:52

‘ I'm a size 10 and at the moment I'm a bit fat.

Oh bugger off with this crap.’

Yup! It’s not about you …my work colleague,
A healthy height, weight, exercises, seems to eat well,
Size 10, is always trying to lose 5 pounds, and god is she boring with it. It’s hard not to snap back at her ‘you’re not fat!’ When she bangs on about her ‘belly’ … tho I think the whole office has a some point asked her to STFU about it.

BoredZelda · 26/03/2022 14:56

You have no right to tell me any different because I know my own body. I'm not fat compared to some people but I'm not comparing myself to some people (or to anyone for that matter).

I’ve actually every right to tell you whatever I wish, just as you have a right to respond. Just as you felt you had the right to berate the OP for responding to “are you fat” with her own dress size. Presumably she knows her own body too and can describe it the way she wants to. And actually ot doesn’t matter in this context whether she is overweight or not.

Point is, your response to the OP was completely pointless, was of no help to her in this situation whatsoever and served only for you to be able to tell everyone how very fat you are as a size 10. Take it elsewhere.

3WildOnes · 26/03/2022 15:00

When my children come and tell me the inking things that their friends have said to them I just say ‘that wasn’t very kind/polite of them’. I try not to give the comments too much importance, kids and teenagers are always going to mean things, they need to learn to brush them off. If they are upset then I’d give them a cuddle and empathise ‘it’s upsetting when our friends aren’t being kind’.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/03/2022 15:01

Out of all the crap I had at school, the one thing they couldn't ever get to me about was saying shit about my mother.

'Your Mum's fat'. Why yes, yes she is.

'Your Mum's old'. I know.

'Your Mum's horrible'. OK you don't know the half of it, sunshine.

'You don't have a Dad. You're a bastard'. Uh-huh. That's the technical term for the child of a woman who happily fucked somebody else's husband.

Anyhow, abusive childhood at her hands notwithstanding, what I did notice was that the thing that I didn't particularly care about - my mother - was only tried a couple of times. Naturally, they moved on to things that would bother me instead, but my point is that if they think it doesn't hurt, they don't do it again.

CoastalWave · 26/03/2022 15:07

Meh. Kids say things. I really don't understand why you're bothered!

She's picked on the easiest thing. It could have been, Your mum's got big ears, your mum's a weirdo, your mum's ugly.

If you have a little baby weight, yes, you're fat - to a kid.

Who cares what a 10year old thinks??!

Ellie56 · 26/03/2022 15:16

I'm a size 10 and at the moment I'm a bit fat. 🤣🤣

Whatever.

BingBangB0ng · 26/03/2022 15:20

@MarthaFokker you might not think you look your best but you aren’t the kind of size that has strangers commenting on it. It’s pretty callous to make this thread about you

Original poster
Dingalingading · 26/03/2022 15:20

I care because it’s probably what the mother thinks because to be honest I would be surprised if the child really knew who I was. And for her, yes it will be one of those ‘well she may do x, but she is fat’ people.

And I have never liked being fat - it’s the one thing out of everything (job, finance, family) I never seem to have got a grip of so I don’t like it when my failure is picked on in such a way. As I say, just something I need out clearly.

OP posts:
StaplesCorner · 26/03/2022 15:22

I'm really confused now - so OP you're saying that the child was justified and entirely right to point it out, in account of you actually being fat? That's ok then Hmm

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/03/2022 15:25

If the child keeps on being unkind to your dd, you discuss it with the school. Never with the mum. It will blow up if you try to deal with issues at school in this way.

Liverbird77 · 26/03/2022 15:26

@BoredZelda fucking A! Spot on!

Original poster
Dingalingading · 26/03/2022 15:28

No, I am not saying that she was justified. I am trying to take a message for myself as well - that does not exclude dealing with it for my daughter if I need to.Tho the majority seem to think at this stage just brush it off for her unless more is said, at which point go to the school.

OP posts:
BingBangB0ng · 26/03/2022 15:35

@Dingalingading if you’re right that it’s coming from the mum, I just don’t see what confronting her will achieve. She won’t admit it, is unlikely to change her views, and you just show she has power over your feelings.

I really think you shouldn’t give her that.

Anotherhealthcondition · 26/03/2022 15:42

[quote BingBangB0ng]@Dingalingading if you’re right that it’s coming from the mum, I just don’t see what confronting her will achieve. She won’t admit it, is unlikely to change her views, and you just show she has power over your feelings.

I really think you shouldn’t give her that.[/quote]
^this. Speaking to the mum is pointless.

Has the comment bothered you more than it’s bothered your DD?

EatSleepRantRepeat · 26/03/2022 15:43

Kids used to say this about my parents and their weight problems. As a PP inferred above, I was actually more upset for my parents than myself, and it was the worst form of bullying because I felt I would hurt my parents by talking about it. The main advice I could give would be to reassure your daughter that you really don't care what a ten year old thinks of you - that way she can always come to you if she's been upset by someone. She's at that sensitive age just before puberty where you need to be really careful about what messages you're giving her about weight and self-esteem.

Original poster
Dingalingading · 26/03/2022 15:44

Yes absolutely it has, which this thread has shown me. She kind of shrugged her shoulder and moved on when she realised it hurt me.

OP posts:
YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer · 26/03/2022 15:47

It sounds like this is more about YOU then your dd. You need to stop worrying what a 10 year old says about you. You just keep going on about how the little girl is right and you are too fat and now maybe its her mother saying it. I'm fat. It's a descriptive word. If a kid calls me fat (I work with children, so it happens) I just agree with them, because its a fact. If you are bothered by your weight, then you can try to do something about it, but you really need to get thicker skin if a 10 year old is going to upset you so much. Doesnt even seem like its your DD that is upset about it. Only heard about you being upset by it.

DeeCeeCherry · 26/03/2022 15:52

Notanotherwindow
Just laugh it off. Tell your daughter not to worry about it, its a sad little girl trying to be 'big'

Yep. In the 1st instance.

& OP if bullying escalates don't 2nd guess yourself at all about telling the school to sort it out. ie dont come on here and let anyone talk you out of speaking to the school.

DC was bullied at school I was relentless about getting it sorted. At age 10/11 kids know very well what they should & shouldn't say, theyll just try it on see what they can get away with and Im not having it, even if their precious parents think 'oh its only a child saying stuff '

As if adults dont remember how they were bullied/had mean comments said about their family in their schooldays. Stuff like that impacts.