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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think I'm incapable of love?

12 replies

bananatwain · 25/03/2022 20:34

In my early 30s. Dated loads. Had long term relationships. But never been in love, and not sure anyone had ever really loved me. I feel like I just find people annoying. I've reached a point where I genuinely don't believe love between partners exists. I have a son and love him more than I could ever possibly describe. I adore my parents. I am empathetic and feel other people's emotions to the point that it hurts sometimes (basically, I'm not a psychopath/sociopath). I just, don't think I'll ever fall in love and also feel unlovable, and am feeling pretty sad about it. Has anyone else ever felt the same? Feeling a bit down tonight.

OP posts:
Inkyblue123 · 25/03/2022 20:37

Romantic love is the stuff of romcoms. Maybe you are disappointed because you have unrealistic ideas about “being in love”?

bananatwain · 25/03/2022 20:38

To add, I hate the idea of sharing a bed with anyone (despise it actually) and my ideal relationship would be one where we have separate rooms and I maintain my independence. I am extremely introverted and I just hate the idea of spending THAT much time with someone that you have to sit and watch the same TV ad them every night, and can't just sit in bed on your own in the evening and binge your favourite series. I'm such a loner, but I love it. Equally I would love a relationship. But I feel I would have to sacrifice so much.

OP posts:
bananatwain · 25/03/2022 20:39

@Inkyblue123

Romantic love is the stuff of romcoms. Maybe you are disappointed because you have unrealistic ideas about “being in love”?
I really don't think I do though. I'm not really in to romance. I find it cringey. I would just like to be with someone that I can share my thoughts with, have good sex, spend time together and enjoy each others company without feeling irritated.
OP posts:
DustyGrapevine · 26/03/2022 00:26

I feel exactly the same way OP. It's a relief to know I'm not alone in this Smile

Raddiebubs · 26/03/2022 08:48

It sounds like you just haven't met the right person for you, everyone has their own love language and yours seems to be a bit more hands off but that is perfectly okay.
I am a very introverted person and being with anybody drains my batteries to the point where I just need time on my own to recover but I find spending time with my boyfriend charges my batteries rather than drains them. I have no doubt you could find somebody that does similar for you.

Partyatnumber10 · 26/03/2022 08:51

Oh gosh op I'm exactly the same. I'm happily long term single now and haven't dated in several years.
In some ways it's sad to give up on the dream of finding that "right" person, but mainly I feel relieved that part of my life is over.

bananatwain · 26/03/2022 09:46

It's exhausting because I would genuinely love a relationship but deep down feel the issue lies with me. It's really disheartening.

OP posts:
Soffit · 26/03/2022 10:13

I can relate to this. I was with somebody for years and had my DC. I never loved him at all and I was resigned to never really loving anyone romantically in this incarnation. I also love having my own bed.

However, I identified my 'soulmate' a couple of years ago in the most unexpected circumstances (although we do not talk about it, it is just there. Infact, right now, we are completely out of touch).

Unfortunately, finding 'the one' doesn't mean a massive life reshuffle or even a small one. It is the contentment of knowing. As in my case, it can mean that nothing will change outwardly but once you know, you know and it is nice and worth celebrating.

He is a person of power and influence in society (the opposite of me). We got very clingy very fast and (emotionally, not physically) exhausted it into practical non existence. By rights, our paths should never have crossed. It was awkward. He is my person, that's all.

I have pushed him away for now (my initiative). I don't especially want the hassle of a relationship or even a friendship and I would be happy to have nothing to do with him in terms of my future day to day life. However, we both know that this is/was the biggie. It will certainly not happen again/every few years etc. It is a powerful once-in-a-lifetime force.

I suppose I had been cutting away the superfluous elements of my life for some time now and really bringing out my pure and authentic self in preparation for it. He will be the only man who will have seen it.

That is probably the best advice I could give. Consciously work on yourself, stripping away inherited beliefs that don't serve your higher purpose and bring out the best, most authentic version of yourself who will be receptive to the equivalent in another who has also worked on themselves. Even if they do not manifest, you will be happier for it.

SleeplessInEngland · 26/03/2022 10:33

Describe your ideal partner, OP. Do they even live with you? What would an average day with them look like?

bananatwain · 26/03/2022 16:49

@Soffit

I can relate to this. I was with somebody for years and had my DC. I never loved him at all and I was resigned to never really loving anyone romantically in this incarnation. I also love having my own bed.

However, I identified my 'soulmate' a couple of years ago in the most unexpected circumstances (although we do not talk about it, it is just there. Infact, right now, we are completely out of touch).

Unfortunately, finding 'the one' doesn't mean a massive life reshuffle or even a small one. It is the contentment of knowing. As in my case, it can mean that nothing will change outwardly but once you know, you know and it is nice and worth celebrating.

He is a person of power and influence in society (the opposite of me). We got very clingy very fast and (emotionally, not physically) exhausted it into practical non existence. By rights, our paths should never have crossed. It was awkward. He is my person, that's all.

I have pushed him away for now (my initiative). I don't especially want the hassle of a relationship or even a friendship and I would be happy to have nothing to do with him in terms of my future day to day life. However, we both know that this is/was the biggie. It will certainly not happen again/every few years etc. It is a powerful once-in-a-lifetime force.

I suppose I had been cutting away the superfluous elements of my life for some time now and really bringing out my pure and authentic self in preparation for it. He will be the only man who will have seen it.

That is probably the best advice I could give. Consciously work on yourself, stripping away inherited beliefs that don't serve your higher purpose and bring out the best, most authentic version of yourself who will be receptive to the equivalent in another who has also worked on themselves. Even if they do not manifest, you will be happier for it.

My god. Please write a book. You write so beautifully. Thank you for sharing.
OP posts:
Chewchewaboogie · 26/03/2022 17:38

I need vast amounts of time alone.
This quality was actually a plus for my now dh .. as he likes that also.
We get on well but also need much alone time. He goes off onnhis bike or other hobbies amd likewise. We spend most evenings innseperaterooms but also have great fun and do stuff.
He would not like to be with someone who wanted to be with him( like the men who stand outside shoos as dw shops inside for eg) .he likes my independance amd ability to enjoy my own company. Quality not quantity.
Being a couple does not mean , to us, being together all the time.

balalake · 26/03/2022 17:44

Not finding it on your terms does not mean you are incapable of it, in my opinion. Not accepting second best is admirable too. All I would add is please try not to project such views/feelings on to your son when he starts to form and navigate relationships.

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