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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Shouted at at work, do you stand up to the person?

40 replies

Mooo111 · 25/03/2022 18:32

It's a school setting (reception age) There were 5 staff members present in the playground at the time, I was there on supply.
There's a kid that's quite a bully towards other children, we have all told him off and the parents have been informed of the behaviour.

At one point I was dealing with a very upset child and had her in my arms, I saw this boy starting to pick on a classmate.

He was a few metres away from me and I told him to stop a couple of times, I said to the other staff that he was picking on her and he seemed to ignore me.

I should have got up immediately but because I had the crying child and there were 5 of us i thought another staff member might go over and separate them.

Anyway a colleague shouted at me angrily 'Well why don't you get up then!!"

She wasn't shouting because of distance, she was 3 metres away from me.

I was in shock and thought it was rude of her. I should have got up faster but it's wrong she spoke to me like that.

Anyway I went over to her in the corner and just asked 'Please can you not speak to me like that." That was all i said,
She clearly didn't expect this and carried on shouting at me saying i was 'sat on my arse" and had 'waited for her to get up and then told me 'No, YOU don't speak to me like that!"

I just said 'ok', and realised there was absolutely no point, plus it's not right in front of children.

I felt my face go red and was shaking a bit, other colleagues were giving me those pitying kind of smiles.

Anyway the lady went home at lunchtime and it's only day to day supply so not likely to see her again.

Another colleague later told me she had witnessed what happened and reported the woman to the head. I had no intention to report it but I really appreciate her support.

I am aware i should have got up sooner to help the child. But what I would like to know is was i wrong to ask her to not speak to me like that? You'd think we shouldn't have to be spoken to like that at all. Given her reaction to me, it makes me feel like it's better to just keep my mouth shut.

I heard her saying she's someone who 'tells it like it is' and she comes across as very feisty so I think I chose the wrong person.

OP posts:

ForeverLooking · 25/03/2022 19:05

Oh god, not one of the "I tell it like it is" crowd. Code word for absolute arsehole.
People who use it think it gives them free rein to be a total prick to everyone 24/7 in the guise of "telling the truth". I had an acquaintance on FB who put this on her bio 'I tell it like it is, if you want it sugar coated you are in the wrong place'. Deleted.

Original poster

Mooo111 · 25/03/2022 19:07

With things like this I always wonder, would she have acted like that with me if i were male/senior/older/her friend etc.. possibly not

OP posts:

Mountainpika · 25/03/2022 19:12

I was a (mainly) primary supply teacher for 20 years. Never had any problem with other staff that I can think of. I didn't work for an agency but was contacted direct by the schools and went back to the same ones repeatedly. Mainly rural village schools.
OP - you couldn't be in two places at once. You were dealing with an upset child. She was totally out of order.

doodleZ1 · 25/03/2022 19:15

I would report her, especially as someone else has. If people just accept this behaviour she will keep doing it. Also using the word “arse” is not professional and she needs to be told that. Put down a marker and report her, at least it backs up what the other staff member reported about the incident. If this is bothering you (it would bother most people) make it bother her. Report her.

newbiename · 25/03/2022 19:17

@toomanytwinkies

‘tells it like it is’ is often code for bully

Yes and rudeness

vipersnest1 · 25/03/2022 19:17

You did absolutely nothing wrong and were entirely reasonable to ask her not to speak to you like that, assuming you didn't shout it at her.
On another note, I had a colleague be spectacularly rude to me in front of students and I almost lost it (they were on duty and I pointed out a problematic situation so they were aware - I wasn't on duty, only there to get something to eat). Even so, I still managed to retain my dignity without swearing although I did stalk off after saying my piece.

girlmom21 · 25/03/2022 19:19

@doodleZ1

I agree. More reports the better. It'll mean they have to take it seriously. Even if you never go back there next week there could be another supply teacher spoken to like shit.

Nobody deserves that.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 25/03/2022 19:19

Not only did she shout at you in front of the children and other staff, she swore at you in front of the children and other staff.

The fact that she 'went home' could well mean that she is now suspended pending investigation.

Don't worry about it, you did nothing wrong - she was the person who broke all manner of rules and policies, and probably did it to you because she thought you weren't likely to submit a grievance as supply.

Somebody might get in contact with you asking if you could confirm what happened at some point, the best thing being that you do this, as that could take somebody unsuited to working around human beings children and colleagues out of the environment. It won't make any difference to your career or employment, you don't have to accept bookings there again, so why not give the school the tools with which to deal with a bully?

There was nothing wrong with what you said.

vipersnest1 · 25/03/2022 19:20

Me again!
And just to add, my philosophy (and one that I happily repeat to students) is that everyone from the cleaning staff, admin staff right up to the head, plus their fellow students, all deserve to be treated with the same respect they deserve themselves.

Dreambigger · 25/03/2022 19:20

@toomanytwinkies

‘tells it like it is’ is often code for bully

This is soooooo true !!!

doodleZ1 · 25/03/2022 19:21

@Mooo111

With things like this I always wonder, would she have acted like that with me if i were male/senior/older/her friend etc.. possibly not

You know the answer to that dont you? She wouldn’t do it with the Head. Why is that, because there would be consequences. You are Supply and won’t be there long so she acts the big woman. Well send an email to the Head and report her. Ask your Agency to do the same. Give her something to think about. If this woman is like this with staff what is she like with the kids?

ChocolateIsAlwaysTheAnswer · 25/03/2022 19:21

Are you a supply worker?

Thewindwhispers · 25/03/2022 19:25

You absolutely had to stand up for yourself. Her behaviour was completely unprofessional and unacceptable. (Why did none of the other staff present intervene, given you literally had your hands full?!)

If you had stayed silent you would have been showing all the children present that its ok for bullies to pick on people. This colleague was a bully. Not ‘fiesty’ not ‘tells it how it is’ she’s just a bully who sjould not be employed in a school.

Please put in a formal complaint about her. I know you are shaken up and want to forget it all, but that woman should not be working with children.

7eleven · 25/03/2022 20:00

The school might be very happy for you to complain as they might be glad for the evidence to start disciplinary procedures agains her. She’ll be rude to everyone.

PinkAndViolet · 29/03/2022 12:06

My sister in law does supply nursery nursing and has been treated like dirt in all 7 of them. Shouted at, critized etc, comes out in tears most days. She's desperate to get out.
It's shocking how some people behave, even more so, those who work with children.
Hope this bully is put in her place and stay strong OP x

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