We were married for a year before we split up. I ended it. He doesn't want it to end and there's been times when we've got back together but after a few days I leave again.
I have had numerous threads on MN all stating that he was abusing me and I couldn't see it. Sometimes I see it and know I deserved more, but I'm really struggling!
I've been building my own life back up. I've been seeing loads of my friends and family. I'm in therapy. I was really codependent in the relationship and have read codependent no more and codependency for dummies. When he rings me I can see through his manipulation and deflection. He puts everything back on me whilst trying to get me back. He's disingenuous and is never clear in his communication. I do block him but we still have things to sort out so he can't stay blocked until then.
My family have offered to pay for my divorce (very very lucky) but I don't want a divorce. I want my husband to not be a dick to me! I am that annoying friend who won't shut up psychoanalysising.
Background - me and h both have very similar backgrounds and childhood trauma. We reenacted our parents in our marriage. We were both codependent with each other. We both manipulated each other and I've really examined my own behaviour. He was abusive but I tried to manipulate him into loving me in the way I thought I wanted to be loved. We married after 4.5 months of dating, it was love bombing but I was an equal participant and lapped up the attention, affection and gifts. I knew what I was doing was crazy but didn't stop it.
All I want is to be back with him. But he's neurotic, critical, shouts, goes on and on and on. But I can't let it go.
How do I get a divorce when I don't want one. I don't. I just want my husband to come home and be happy with me. I'm so sad. I should be like - I'm worth more, I'm great on my own, I won't put up with his crap, and yet although I leave when it gets bad I can't emotionally leave this relationship.