To hate DH working from home?

[Suddenlyshesaid]

Im at work. I’ve had several messages over the course of the morning

• there’s a letter from work accompanied with a photo (this got me all worried, turned out to be nothing.)

• Amazon have delivered a parcel, what is it.

• there’s a letter from the doctors (accompanying photo)

And various other messages telling me something and nothing.

I feel really stifled by him and I wish to god he’d fuck off to the office.

Just tell him to stop texting you. I’ve told my partner I don’t like getting and/or replying to unnecessary messages. So now he’ll ring if something comes up.

Turn his messages onto sleep mode or whatever it's called ...
Is he bored ?
At weekend tell him that you can't always respond to messages ..

The issue is not your DH working from home, but the messages. Him returning to the office when it can be avoided reduces the risk of him, you and your family getting Covid 19. There are over 80,000 people a day being diagnosed and still large numbers in hospital.

Him not returning to the office, I meant.

Mute him. That would drive me bats.

DP has gone back 2 days a week and it’s lovely – I’ve always been remote so it was a shock to have him join me! Sadly one of those days is NOT Friday, when I’m home with DD, and the backseat parenting and huffy “How can I work in such conditions!” noises from the study make me want to marry him just so I can threaten divorce.

We’ve both had it @balalake. I can’t say the thought alarms me. It isn’t just the messages, it’s feeling as I’ve said so stifled by him, so that something as innocuous as an Amazon delivery is noticed and commented on. I can’t do anything

I may be your DH in this scenario- whilst I like the flexibility of working from home, I do get lonely and I do message DH through the day and he messages back, but I know that if he is busy he won’t reply, so it doesn’t bother either of us - maybe just talk to your partner? Understand if the messages are because he genuinely doesn’t know that these things aren’t urgent or if he is looking for human interaction

Just ignore his messages until it's convenient to reply?
DH and I message each other during the day when things occur to us (or we'd forget) but we don't expect the other person to instantly respond.

Why wouldn't you just tell him to stop? Tell him not to message you whilst you're at work and you'll speak to him when you get home 🤷‍♀️

Ignore until you get home then look at the letter and text him your thoughts. Look at the delivery and send another text with your thoughts. Respond to every text when you are at home on the sofa. When he asks tell him to stop texting you stuff that you will deal with when you get home..

Emergencies only whilst you are at work.

So it’s not so much the fact you are interrupted by dull shit, but the interrogation behind? Him wanting to know what your Amazon parcel is?

Because that’s two different things, one more easily dealt with and less worrying than the other.

@AlisonDonut

Ignore until you get home then look at the letter and text him your thoughts. Look at the delivery and send another text with your thoughts. Respond to every text when you are at home on the sofa. When he asks tell him to stop texting you stuff that you will deal with when you get home..

Emergencies only whilst you are at work.

Good idea.

Does he not realise that you managed perfectly well in the Before Times when you just saw and opened your mail upon arriving home, like any normal person?

This would drive me mad. If my DP was messaging me about something about something else, I'd have no issue with him saying 'BTW there's a parcel for you'. But just messaging me purely to say 'you've got a letter' is just plain weird!

Why is he so interested in your post? Sounds rather unusual to me.

@Cocomarine

So it’s not so much the fact you are interrupted by dull shit, but the interrogation behind? Him wanting to know what your Amazon parcel is?

Because that’s two different things, one more easily dealt with and less worrying than the other.

I ask my DH what his Amazon's parcels are. I don't see it as interrogation; more just normal conversation. If he didn't want to tell me for some reason, that would be perfectly fine.

@RedskyThisNight I haven’t said it’s an interrogation. You haven’t said:

“It isn’t just the messages, it’s feeling as I’ve said so stifled by him, so that something as innocuous as an Amazon delivery is noticed and commented on. I can’t do anything ”

[quote Cocomarine]@RedskyThisNight I haven’t said it’s an interrogation. You haven’t said:

“It isn’t just the messages, it’s feeling as I’ve said so stifled by him, so that something as innocuous as an Amazon delivery is noticed and commented on. I can’t do anything ”[/quote]
Um, you actually did say it was an interrogation. OP said it was "noticed" and "commented on". That's not the same as an interrogation.

I find WFH horrendous home just blends into work lack of social interaction and change of scene .
Cut him some slack but I would just ignore those text .

Oh come on @RedskyThisNight do you not think that if the OP puts “noticed” and “commented on” alongside “I can’t do anything” and “” and “stifled” then it’s fair for me to ask if the issue is an interrogation behind it? Really?

FWIW I’m on first name terms with Amazon and my husband will walk in today and say, “another one? What on Earth is it today?” but our relationship is not such that I’d tell MN that I feel stifled.

Yet OP does.

This would really irritate me. I can imagine exactly why it feels stifling. Tell him to stop texting you mundane things that you can talk about when you get home.

Just tell him you're only interested if its a case of the house burning down or him being run over by a bus.

Is he usually a chronic over-messager? I'm not one for constant communication so I'd have nipped that in the bud in month one. If he only messages this much when he's WFH he's obviously bored and missing human interaction. He could certainly make his attempts at interaction less dull but if he's just craving some form of communication I'd probably send a joke or a meme or a picture of a dog back.

Messages are quite easy to ignore though. I'd be driven batty if he was calling me but just put the messages on mute and when he you get home ask why he thought you needed to be asked that mundane shit.